| | Printing/Cursive/Typing in My Head
Hi, so I'm new here (an in, I just made an account). I've been doing a lot of self-exploration lately, and I couldn't stop thinking about a certain habit I had when I was a child. I decided to search the internet, since I'd never heard of anyone having the same thing. It turns out that a couple people on here do! Or, at least, something similar.
When I was younger, with each new mode of written communication, I had to do it in my head. When I learned to print, I wrote everything in my head when I thought or spoke. When I learn to do cursive, I did that too. When I learned to type I typed everything in my head. It was not a choice thing, just like stepping on all of the cracks in the sidewalk, or flicking each of my fingers in a certain way. It wasn't that it was all that horrible, I've never been the type to scrub my hands till they bleed, or some such, but after years of it it was so aggrivating, especially the lack of freedom of choice. The worst was the anxiety. Not having the choice, and realizing that everyone else was not experiencing it, stressed me out (and still does when I think about it). I eventually outgrew it, but it was the majority of my life (since I took my typing class around 11 years, It would have taken me a minimum of a year to get over, and I'm a teenager now).
I've never been diagnosed with OCD. And no, if you're wondering, I did not grow up in an abusive home (based on some people's explanation on other posts). I don't know why I am the way I am, but now, I'm even considering reinstigating it to my advantage, to learn music better. Like, with letters a-g, making the corresponding notes on the ledger-lines when speaking/thinking. Now I know that with enough time I can make it stop, so if I become annoyed with it, I won't experience panic, since I know it's "stoppable".
I guess, my point is, that I'm not in immediate danger, these specific habits were from years ago. But it still bothers me, and I was wondering if anyone out there has experienced the same thing, how they dealt with it, and if they have been diagnosed with OCD. At this point in my life, I was want to tie up loose ends, to be able to understand myself so I'm able to move on with a more complete idea of "me".
Thank you in advance.
Last edited by ms_mod; 05-19-2012 at 03:50 AM.