Long time Depression/Panic sufferer... now experiencing OCD symptoms
Hello everyone - I am reaching out to the OCD community to see if what I have been experiencing lately would even be considered OCD behavior. I have had Panic Disorder since I was a child (I am now 44) and have been a depressive most of my life. But OCD is a whole new ballgame. I am on meds but not specifically for these symptoms. Am wondering if a med change could help.
Basically, I was in an extra marital relationship for a few years that recently ended. I know that many will judge me for that. I am not saying it was the right thing to do. I am only saying that if you knew my entire story, you might understand why I went down that path. It was not an act of disregard but more of survival. But it was never a decision about which I was proud. Ever.
The affair ended badly. I am still in love with him. He has moved on with another affair partner but only after having us both in his life for a period of time without my knowledge. I know I don't deserve honesty when I was dishonest myself. But it was all very painful.
We have remained friends - and I don't know why I feel this compulsion to still have him in my life. I think about him constantly - far more often than I did when we were actually together. I think about the new woman he is with and wonder what she gives him that I couldn't. This script seems to cycle through my head on a 24 hour loop. I cannot get peace. I want to cut him out of my life completely but I feel this desperate need to have contact with him.
I am a prisoner of my own thoughts. It is triggering severe depression and anxiety. I am just miserable and I am not able to concentrate on those people in my life i TRULY should be concentrating on.
I am in a cycle of self-hatred that is never ending. Is this OCD? And is recognizing it as such a step in the right direction?
Thank you for reading this - and for allowing the thoughts in my head to come out on my keyboard. - A
Re: Long time Depression/Panic sufferer...now experiencing OCD symptoms for the first
Hi I only want to know if there has been a recent sore throat or other infection because I read a book that said obsessive compulsive disorder can be caused by a streptococcus infection. It can be passed by someone who is a carrier of it.