Here we go again...my OCD is in overdrive at the moment and I just need to vent and get some support. It has been awhile since I have been on this board, so most probably do not know me. I have had OCD for most of my adult life. I suffer from mainly intrusive thoughts. I second guess myself and guilt is a regular emotion I feel. The intrusive thoughts that have been most bothersome are the ones involving my thoughts of harming someone. It is awful. I immediately feel guilt and shame for the thoughts and then I obsess over if I actually did hurt that person. The worst is fear that I killed someone. This kind of thinking is the WORST. I have obsessed over many other things that do not cause guilt, but are bothersome, just the same. I have gone through extreme fear of germs, throwing up, etc. etc. etc. I have this constant need to be reassured about things and I have this urge to admit everything. Recently I have felt guilt about talking to other men while I was with my bf. Not only did I tell him about this, I told him every single little detail, and I mean down to the smallest thing. Then, I would worry I didn't tell him everything, so I would ask him if I told him such and such and he would get so annoyed, but he tried to understand.
I hate being around food for other people when I am alone, because the thought goes through my head, "What if I space out and lose it and poison the food? Or what if I spray cleaner on the food?" I HATE IT! Who thinks that way? THEN, I will second guess myself later on and worry that I actually did the things that went through my brain.
It is exhausting! Anyways, on to the actual topic...have any of you (females only) noticed a spike in your OCD obsessions when taking hormones (birth control)? I notice that this spike in my obsessive thinking occurred around the same time I messed up my birth control and then took Plan B after an "oops". Ever since taking that I have been a ridiculous hormonal mess. Now that I have finally gotten my monthly, I am still a mess mentally. I have been prone to crying at the drop of a hat and my brain is in overdrive and just won't stop. It doesn't help that there is A LOT of crap going on in my life at the moment. It would be one thing if all I had to deal with was what is right in front of me, but no, I have to stress and guilt over obsessions and things I thought about YEARS ago. Does this happen to anyone else? Thanks for listening to me. It really does help to vent.
I am new here and looking for support. I can definitely relate to some of your issues. I have OCD, mainly intrusive thoughts, intense indecision and doubting, perfectionism, and a bit of compulsive hand-washing. I also suffer from Relationship OCD, which has been the blunt of my problems lately. ALL of my symptoms get worse about 1-2 weeks before my period and last through out my period. What makes it tough is I have abnormal periods that come only 35-45 days, so my PMS symptoms last a lot longer. Basically, I feel like I might get one normal week and then it's back to irritability, worrying, crying, obsessing, etc. I am NOT on birth control. I have been told i have Polycystic Ovary syndrome, but am not completely sure I have it. Whether I do or not, I am constantly wondering if the obvious unbalance of horomones in my body can contribute to my anxiety and OCD. I am seeing an endocrinologist at the end of July. Hopefully she can give me some answers.
Sorry I don't have a lot of advice. Just wanted to say hello and let you know I understand where you are coming from
Hello there! Thank you so much for responding to my thread. It sucks to deal with this, doesn't it? However, what makes it so much better is knowing you are not alone. And believe me, you are NOT alone. Many people suffer with this. I also deal with a huge amount of indecision, to the point I would rather other people make decisions for me. I have not read much about Relationship OCD. What is it? What are some of your "symptoms" (not sure how else to call it, haha)? I think it is really interesting that you also notice that your OCD is rampant around your period. I am wondering now if I should even take hormonal birth control. It seems most of this came up again after years of it being in control, around when I started birth control again. I wonder too if all of this has to do with unbalanced hormones? Interesting...I also have been told that I could have PCOS, but I have never been tested. If you need to talk more, do not hesitate PMing me or just getting it all out here. I am here for you : )
Relationship OCD is when you constantly doubt your love/your partner's love for you. Deep down you know you love him/her but you can't stop wondering if maybe there is someone else that you are meant to be with or if this is really meant to be. Then, every little small disagreement or difference you have, you start analyzing that and think you aren't right for each other. I'm basically scared of the future, scared of my relationship not working out in the end, scared of the unknown. I need everything to be CERTAIN or else I'm anxious.
If you don't mind me asking, why were you told you possibly had PCOS? What were/are your symptoms?
I can totally see how that would work. I like to be certain about everything as well. I am currently trying to decide if my current relationship is right for me. I wonder if some of my hesitation with him has to do with relationship OCD?
My doctor mostly looked at my weight and thought I have it. I am not like super huge, but where I am big is around the middle mostly. I also have a few hairs that grow under my chin (I pluck them out) and I have some skin issues. Sounds beautiful, right? Ugh. So, those are my "symptoms".
Yeah see I'm not overweight at all. My weight is "perfect" for my height. I'm very active and eat very healthy though so I'm already ahead of the game. Regardless of what it is, I still have horomonal abnormalities. Every 35-45 days isn't normal and I hate suffering from PMS for 2 weeks. Us women deserve a trophy! lol