I have come to the point that life is not worth living for. I am 36 years old, female, living in Singapore. I started developing OCD symptoms when I was 13 years old. I keep checking if I have finished my homework. Then I cannot remember how it develop into hand washing. I started to categorise items/people as "clean" or "dirty". It interfered with my daily living. I once chanced upon an article in newspaper realising it is OCD. I tried to seek medical help, visiting child psycharist. Very disappointing. The doctor merely remarked that the symptoms comes & goes. There is no need to worry. He prescribe some small yellow tablets for me (not sure what it is after 2 decades now). After 2-3 consultations, I stop visiting since it does not help.
I have endured for the past 2 decades based on sheer will power. I have turned to religion to seek some solace. However, I have come to a stage whereby the illness has manifest into more complexity. I used to wash hand 3 times to successfully passed the cleanliness test I imposed upon myself when I touch something "dirty"". Of course, I had a hard time separating my things from others. Recently, I have to wash my hands many many times as there is always a thought that tells me I failed the cleaning when it was suppose to be the last wash. Also, my categorisation has develop into a spectrum instead of just clean versus dirty. It has come to the stage like a rainbow, clean, not so clean, not so so clean, ... not so dirty, dirty, very dirty, etc.
I wanted to change my environment hoping by living alone, I need not separate my things from others and I will not have the chance to touch others' things which I deem as "dirty". But my mum is a traditional women. I know she will not be able to accept my moving out.
To add to all these, I have had such a hard career life. I am currently seeking out job but due to OCD, I cannot go for a job that requires travel (the preparation will stress me out like crazy). This makes the job search extremely tough.
I guess it is really times I seek out medical help or so support group. But living in an Asian country makes it so hard as mental treatment & support group is still so undeveloped.
Is there anyone out there who can help me out of this?