So apparently im going through a wave of anxiety. I had cancer in december, I had surgery and treatment and im fine. I had thyroid cancer and the success rate is quite high. I recently started having severe panic and anxious thuoghts about dying and death and me dying or him dying. I also have low self esteem and I managed to completely "lose myself in the relationship" and then these weird thoughts kept creeping into my mind that I dont love my boyfriend and He isnt the one and all things along those lines. Before him and I got together I was head over heels for a guy that didnt give a crap about me. I didnt date for 2 years then I started dating my current boyfriend. Thse thoughts were there from the beginning. Maybe because I was scared. I had a bad panic attack and during that attack I was raging. And I was angry with him and I get antsy alot. I cant stop these ruminating thoughts. My therapist says that I obsess A LOT. So I decided i would move out and go to live with my mom for a little while. So last night he was very upset about it...but I felt nothing. I felt so indifferent. I felt like I was just being a B****. all I wanted to do was go in my bed and lay down because I was tire...its was 8:30 pm! I didnt care how much he was hurting!! I respect my boyfriend and he is the person I strive to be. He has so many amazing qualities. It took me a long time to learn what a real mature relationship is supposed to be. I dont understand what is happening. Is it possible that my thoughts convinced me and now I dont feel anything? I am so scared and I feel so detached sometimes. I have intrusive thoughts and they really affect me. Im scared now. Should I move out or stay with him?
I suppose with you going through a lot this year, the stresses might still be there, like subconsciously you could find yourself worrying more. Plus, by the sounds of your previous relationship, you're used to not be treated well, so maybe because your current boyfriend is so kind and treats you how you deserve to be treated, you're scared of losing that? An from there, what with having intrusive thoughts that play on our fears, you feel like you have lost him because you feel like you feel nothing for him?
I'm having a similar problem and it's making me so upset. I've been with him
For over two years, and out of nowhere I'm questioning my feelings. Which kills me because he's everything to me, he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He's going away to uni in a month, I don't know if that has something to do with it?
Personally, I wouldn't end things. I know I can't, myself.
Do you see a counsellor or anything?
I have a therapist and we are going to be working on CBT. I just dont think she knows what relationship OCD is. ITs very strange because When I reread things I write, they seem so irrational. I know the feelings arent real but being anxious, it always makes you think...what if? what if they are real? i want to have a family with him. I want to feel like myself again. I feel so detached. And I get antsy and angry.
I'm going to be starting cbt soon myself, which is about time because all my life I've suffered hypochondria and thinking I'm going to die at the slightest thing.
But it feels like a relief talking to someone who feels the same. It's not even like me and my boyfriend have drifted apart, or had a big fight. Things have been perfect and about a week a go I woke up and suddenly started freaking out from nowhere.
It is like these thoughts make you feel
Like they're your real feelings, and then it scares me thinking 'what if they are?' when all I know is I don't want them to be at all.
I know and i cant make a decision to save my life. my boyfriend wants to hang out tonight with friends and i cant decide if i want to go or not because i dont know whats going to be going through my head. so thats a good question...do we listen to our thoughts or feelings? is it possible for thoughts to corrupt our feelings?
I kind of get what you mean. I keep wanting to see him and ring and text, and sometimes it seems to do the trick. And then other times my mind takes over and I'm looking at him wishing these thoughts would go.
Maybe you could go out for a little bit, and see if it cheers you up?
From things I've read, with ocd, the thoughts do kinda over shadow the feelings I think.
I keep thinking to myself, if I'm getting this upset by it, and the thought of losing him and never seeing him again is getting me down so much, then I must love him.
No one seems to get it when I say, it's these thoughts that I can't get rid of and it feels like its blocking everything else out...