Aniexty Or Something Else: Suffering In Silence For Years
First of all I know that most of the people here are not doctors or anything like that, But I seem to have this unending fear of having HIV/AIDS having various cancers especially, Lung Cancer, Mouth Cancer, Throat and Skin Cancer, Also scared of having diabetes. Not just that but I am in constant fear that my family members are going to die or something bad is going to happen. I just can never seem to be content and always jumpy, discontent, easily irritated and impatient, I can barely sleep for most of the week but when I do sleep I will be out for almost a whole day.
Further when I leave the house, I constantly check the door is locked, The windows are locked, The taps are all tightly shut, All the plugs with electronics connected are switched off incase of a fire from electrical failure, I also check the cooker is off incase its leaking gas, and I check the smoke alarms aswell. Same with the car I check the doors for several minutes and the boot/trunk of the car to make sure its all locked.
Do you think I am just a careful person, Do I really have these diseases and will these bad things really happen if I drop my level of vigilance? To address the HIV/AIDS fear I was going to go get tested at a clinic but I was fearful that the results would be positive or even that I did not have HIV/AIDS until I went to the clinic because the doctor made a mistake and used the wrong needle and accidentally infected me with the virus?
Ive been living like this or suffering like this for a long time, Many years, Its just been very uncolored lifestyle and nothing seems to make me happy because I am always worried about things. Even with Exams I am always scared and worried, I have trouble breathing when entering the examination hall and If I dont get distinctions or Merits or top level grades I feel really really bad, But once I scored only 54% in a paper that I still passed but I could have got 90% odd if I didnt panic and make it harder than it actually was.
I guess what I am asking is, Am I just a very careful and cautious person that likes to be prepared for the worst and hedge his bets, Or are these fears real and therefore I should not drop my vigilance, Or is this some kind of cognitive anxiety disorder? I really need to do something to fix whatever is wrong with me, If I have HIV/AIDS I need to go get tested but my doctor needs to understand that I need to be prepared to go in, I have asked for a Saliva test incase the needles are mixed up with a blood test. I also had a skin rash that I thought was HIV rash or Skin cancer and she said it was a common rash caused by humidity. If I say HIV/AIDs she simply says go get tested but doesnt seem to understand the deep seated fear that I have that the test is positive or that the needles are mixed up. I need help to be prepared for that eventuality.