goldeneyes

It sounds like this may be a form of ritualizing ocd. That is a struggle that I have faced. I used to have this whole ritual that I did before I went to bed. I thought that something bad would happen if I didn't do each of the things each night. Enter room and touch both walls to which the door was attached. Enter room and turn off light. Lay in bed. Look at feet. Look in little hand held mirror. Touch the floor with both hands. There may have been more, but this was fifteen years ago. It was suggested to me that I might break just one of the parts of the ritual. But I figured that if I am going to break one and something bad would happen, I might as well just break the whole thing. So one night I broke it all. I layed in bed terrified until I fell asleep. The next day I made a conscious effort to notice all the good things that happened.

This might work for you. When the memories come, don't try to straighten them out. Then make a conscious effort to notice all the good things in your life.

Also my pastor always reminded me that the battle is in the mind. Keep fighting.

I hope this has been helpful to you. I wish you all the best!