So I have just recently realized my OCD tendencies...I've known there was something amiss, but just in the last week or so have been able to give it a name because of Google. It brought me here. And I am smack dab in the middle of a full blown ROCD spike, and I don't know how to manage it!!! I have been in a relationship for two years. Got engaged one year ago and was scheduled to be married in November. I distinctly remember in the last year that I have absolutely no doubts about marrying my partner. Things were great. We bought a house together which brought on tremendous stress, and we have been planning a nice wedding complete with out of town guests. Last week I called off the wedding. Why you may ask? I may ask? I had been soooo happy (I thought) just 1.5 months ago and was so ready and willing to spend the rest of my life with this person. What happened? I'll tell you exactly what happened that triggered this debilitating episode that is just about to ruin this relationship with a really wonderful person. My ex from 4 years ago (I broke up with her and have been totally fine and happy with the decision...we've remained very good friends), she started dating the highly educated very wealthy lady. That's it. That is what sent me into a spin that caused me to cancel my wedding and makes me feel like I'm ready to sell the house and walk out of my current relationship. I have been absolutely obsessed and consumed with the fact that my ex has found this amazing catch "(and she's funny, too!") that I have been nothing but compare my relationship to hers and envy the hell out of her luck and wish I has been able to find someone so perfectly sounding as that. My fiance is wonderful, smart, cute and is a great person and a lawyer with a great job, but she can be a bit shy and reserved and that now has me convinced that because she didn't go to Havard (my exes gf did) and doesn't come from a very wealthy family and doesn't make me laugh all the time that she is just not the right girl for me. Like I said, if you had asked me 1.5 months ago, I was happy and pleased and content with our relationship, but this freakin' trigger has me on what seems to be an unstoppable trajectory of despair and depression and I cannot stop thinking about it!!!! My fiance is trying to understand and be patient and stay by me even after I cancelled the wedding, but I am having a hard time being affectionate and showing her any respect right now at all because I am so freaked out and scared. What the hell is this????? I have started up CBT therapy again but my head is spinning and I need some suggestions to help me breathe. Thanks.
I am so sorry your going through this, but you are not alone. I have had all the different themes of OCD but ROCD has always been the worse, it attacks the one person that you go to for comfort and love and then you question the whole thing. Its very hurtful on both sides. I am about to go see a pysch.....I'm on an ativan right now and seems to at least calm me down a little. Because I have already thrown up 7 times today fromanxiety. I wish you the best, but give this time, most ocd episodes come, become full blown, and eventually will start to go unseen again. I'm dealing with it right now, its not fun, but I don't want to lose such a wonderful man. I wish you the best, and another thing, start praying really hard, right now we are both in time of need.