I haven't been diagnosed with OCD (my doctor recommended I make an appointment in the mental health department, but I haven't gotten around to it yet), though I do feel I've expressed some symptoms to a small degree for a number of years... From walking around the house unplugging things before I leave, to feeling the need to wash my hands often, to a counting "game" I've played since I was a child, to doubting whether the stove was turned off or the garage door was closed, etc. Nothing has been too serious or intrusive in my thoughts until around 6 months ago when I was shopping at a store that I knew didn't have a public restroom got the random urge to use the restroom and the urge was immediately "OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO PEE MY PANTS." If the girl working there hadn't made an exception for me (I imagine I looked absolutely sick when I asked her), I feel I wouldn't have made it to a restroom.
Since then, if I'm somewhere that a restroom isn't near (or if I don't know where the restroom is), I get that terrible urge. And I can't just ignore it - it's the only thing I can think about until I use the restroom (obviously you can't ignore an "I'm about to pee on myself any second" feeling.. And that's exactly how it feels). My family likes to go on roadtrips and I'm constantly "PULL OVER AT THE NEXT STORE, I HAVE TO PEE" and when I get there, like a drop comes out (sorry that's TMI but I want to show how stupid it is). I do everything I possibly can to get out of having to go on roadtrips now because I'm so embarrassed by how much I feel like I'm putting everyone out when we're having to stop every 15 minutes. I actually had a full-on crying, shaking, hyperventilating, can't breathe anxiety attack a few months ago because we were helping someone I didn't know move across town and I was so afraid of ruining everything or embarrassing myself by having to stop. I ended up being fine the whole trip, but that anxiety attack was something I never want to experience again, ever.
Now I always have to use the restroom 3 or 4 times before I leave the house or go to bed or eat or make an important phone call (or do anything where I won't be able to just easily go straight to the restroom immediately if I need to). If I don't, the problem gets worse once I leave (or start eating, etc) until I try to go.
I had a urine test done a few months ago to make sure I didn't have some kind of infection, but it came out fine. After that, I started doing Google research and the only places I can find where people are having this bathroom problem that I have is OCD forums. That's what leads me to think that I may have OCD and that my bathroom issue is the only thing that REALLY affects me and that I can't ignore. So here I am.
I needed to rant in a place that someone may understand what I'm going through more than anything.. I'm not looking for answers or a diagnosis or even replies necessarily (though replies are welcomed and if you have any advice on how I can try to get past this, that's welcomed as well).
We have a roadtrip tomorrow and I've been trying to come up with excuses all week.
I really feel like this is ruining my life. I need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist as soon as I have a day off...