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-   -   ROCD is Hell (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/920097-rocd-hell.html)

illflyaway136 09-25-2012 09:19 AM

ROCD is Hell
 
Hello everyone, I am writing this post,because right now it is very hard for me to get an appt. With a psychiatrist. I'm 27, and I recently moved to Texas from North Carolina. I have moved here to be with my boyfriend, we have been on and off for years( mainly due to the fact I have really bad ROCD) I have had it in ALL my major relationships and I use to serial date, because I would always stop liking the dude by the second date. I know I love my boyfriend, but all these horrible intrusive thoughts come i Im just n my head, making me second guess Everything about are relationship. I have had intense anxiety for a couple weeks now, I wake up with it, I go to sleep with it. I have experienced almost every form of OCD at least all the different themes but I must say this one is the worse. All I want to do is cuddle up with my man when he gets home, but then my head tells me, no you don't, you don't even think he is attractive and so on and so on. I even have super intense anxiety as I write this. I just want everyone to know out there just stick with it. Its painful as hell but we must try to get through this for us and the people we may lose. And by the way my boyfriend is a wonderful, caring, intelligent, compassionate person, and when I have those thoughts it makes me feel even worse because he is such a great guy that I feel I don't deserve him. Well I would love to hear from anybody about a similar situation you might be going through. I think it would greatly help me, and does anyone else have intimacy problems due to rocd and can anyone give some example of those, sorry for the long post. Hope everyone has a good day.

axela 11-14-2012 12:41 PM

Re: ROCD is Hell
 
I have ROCD.. It used to be much worse until I went to my therapist. She taught me how to distance my real thoughts from my OCD thoughts and this has helped A LOT. It used to be much worse... I used to be like you too. Wake up with anxiety.. go to bed with it. It is hell. But it will get better. While you may never fully get over your ROCD, but you will learn how to deal with it better and have it not tear you apart. I have. I've accepted this. I totally agree with you on the "hang in there" that's exactly what we all have to do.... Hang in there. Because it does get better. Your brain is just playing games with you and you always have to acknowledge that. NEVER FORGET! Just because you fight, or he annoys you, or doesn't pick up his trash for goodness sake doesn't mean you're not in love with him! Just because you don't feel "love" in that moment, doesn't mean all of the sudden you can't be with this person. Even if this continues for months, it's still OCD. It can go on for a while before it dies down, but remember it will. I'm actually doing a lot better. I see you mentioned the intimacy issues. I myself feel like I'm having these right now. I guess it's my new "doubting" trigger. I've never been able to climax from making love. I still can't, and nearly every time he's done I get upset because I can't bring myself to. I really hate it, but I try to look past it. I read somewhere that if you can't, just work on the joy it brings you to get him there. You can very well enjoy it without going. Just try to silence your thoughts and enjoy everything you can. I hope I helped you! <edit>


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