hello, so i have been having this problem for a few months you could say. it all started a year or so ago where i was consciously aware of my breathing. it was an obsession where i would monitor every breath i took and felt like i was unable to break free from the thought. i was afraid that it would stay with me forever. then eventually i got over this obsession, but another obsession took over right after it. i was now thinking about my eyes blinking. it was so annoying and the thought just wouldn't get about of my head and i wasn't sure how to express the way i felt to someone i cared about. it was such a bizarre thing and it felt strange that people don't have this issue like i do, since it is an automatic process that we don't control......
after overcoming this issue with my blinking awareness and breathing awareness, i then started worrying about something else.... my lips. it was the weirdest thing. i guess the thought just popped up in my head and i thought "what if i never forget this thought".. basically i think about how my lips/mouth feels when i speak. especially when i say words with "p" or "b" or even "m" in them since my lips are touching and i think about every feeling and movement they make when i talk. i can't seem to speak fluidly anymore it takes soo much effort to pronounce everything. i'm so self conscious about it. it makes speaking so unbearable since i can't seem to speak without thinking about this. my thoughts are often repressed and i say things in my head rather than out loud because of this obsession. i forgot how to just live in the moment and not worry about what i will say next in a conversation.. i tend to stay away from people more often and have become pretty antisocial. which i hate. i've become a bit sad and depressed as a result from this isolation. i'm not sure how to get out of this. it's all because of this obsessive thought and control of my lips when i talk, that i can't seem to get out of my head.
i have been seeing a therapist but couldn't get myself to tell her this weird habit that i have. we seemed to go around the topic because i was afraid she wouldn't be able to help me. i will be seeing someone new soon and will hopefully gain the courage to tell her about it. i just want to know if anyone has had issues like this or the same issue. and how you overcame it? or any advice or insight on this ocd-like thinking.. i'm not sure how else to describe how i feel. i think it's called sensorimotor ocd. whatever it is, i hate it so much
i hope you understood what i meant in this post. thank you so much for whomever is reading this and please respond. take care