It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Message Board

My story... sad and pathetic but finally true

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-15-2012, 03:47 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wellston, OH
Posts: 7
the7thletter HB User
My story... sad and pathetic but finally true

I am 37 and have finally been honest for the first time in years and years and years.
I am diagnosed with OCD, Depression and Compulsive Lying Disorder as a symptom of my OCD. I am also an epileptic.
Recently I have lost most everything in my life due to my lying. I was with a wonderful, caring and understanding woman but it just became too much for her. She will still talk to me a little but my hopes are waning that she will come back. She had two kids who I thought of as my own although admittedly there was tension between me and the oldest one.
I lied MOSTLY about money issues...but not solely. I was never unfaithful or anything like that but just couldn't muster the truth a lot of times. I think I even got to where I didn't know what the truth was.
I finally admitted all of this about 2 weeks ago (maybe a little less) and have given an official diagnosis since then and have been put on Luvox (fluvoxamine) 100mg, Trazodone 150 mg. I was already taking Phenytoin 300mg for my epilepsy. I am thinking more clearly and most of the obsessions have left.
I have had terrible sexual obsessions including the most bizarre things that could be found on the internet. I obsessed on whether I was a pedophile and would drive myself crazy over that (sorry bad choice of words). Since being on the medicine I have had none of that. I had a bunch of counting compulsions that are going away as well. Most importantly I haven't told a lie for a week now. That might seem minor to most people but I normally wouldn't go 2 hours without lying before. I would lie about other lies, about senseless stuff....about anything...the majority of it was money but probably only because money was in such short supply it was a major topic of mine and hers...and also because of my compulsive spending it couldn't even be accounted for sometimes. Things would really get frustrating when I would actually tell the truth and she wouldn't believe me but I seemed to "get by" with lying.
I also had trouble trusting her even though she never did anything to make me question it. My therapist has made me realize that it was just my insecurity that caused that. I should have been better though.
My story goes back to childhood where I was a victim of molestation. This has caused me so many problems and made my "am i a pedo" obsessions even worse. My parents didn't believe me and so lying became natural....somehow preferred to the truth.
I was married and have a beautiful daughter from that marriage. The final destruction of my marriage probably had a lot to do with my problems although we were a terribly incompatible couple....
I have lied so much in my life there would be no possible way to even list and apologize for all of them. I don't even know if I could identify all of them.
I'm now on the meds and in therapy and feeling a lot is there anyway to atone for the wrongs?
I'm going to email the link to this thread to my recent fiancee, so if you are reading this, DA...hi. I wanted to state that to everyone though because I don't want this misconstrued as some attempt to "say the right things". I think that maybe the comments from the rest of the board and maybe my post as well will be somehow helpful to her. I did so much wrong.
After talking to my doctor and my therapist it seems that my issues are pretty much textbook as to the disease...but that doesn't make my mess any easier to clean up.
Its just one day at a time from here....hell, it's one hour to the next....
Any comments would be appreciated...not looking for pity though...god knows i've searched for that enough.

by the way, my name is steven

Last edited by ms_mod; 10-15-2012 at 05:01 PM. Reason: forgot other stuff

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 10-31-2012, 12:40 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 33
craigdog HB Usercraigdog HB User
Re: My story... sad and pathetic but finally true

Good luck Steven! I'm no expert, but I would think the biggest hurdle has been crossed: the ability to acknowledge your condition. That must have taken a tremendous amount of courage. I wish you and your gal all the best, and please update this post if you are comfortable doing so.

The Following User Says Thank You to craigdog For This Useful Post:
the7thletter (11-02-2012)
Old 10-31-2012, 01:02 PM   #3
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wellston, OH
Posts: 7
the7thletter HB User
Re: My story... sad and pathetic but finally true

I certainly don't mind to update.

Its been an entire month since I have told any lie at all. Nothing.

Sexual compulsions are gone as well, counting is almost completely gone.

Medicine seems to be working very well as is therapy.

I am doing well, but sorry to report that my fiancee and I have not reuinited. We still talk a little almost every day....all I can do is the best I can.

Old 11-01-2012, 01:49 PM   #4
Senior Member
TrainOfThought's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Flowerpower clean your inbox
Posts: 102
TrainOfThought HB UserTrainOfThought HB UserTrainOfThought HB User
Re: My story... sad and pathetic but finally true

Hi Steven, I admire your courage, to admit your wrongs and to acknowledge you have a mental disorder is no easy task. To overcome what have you done is a mighty deed, you are a good man and redemption is the way, what is in the past is in the past now learn about those wrongs and start again, it is never late. Remember out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls

The Following User Says Thank You to TrainOfThought For This Useful Post:
the7thletter (11-02-2012)
Old 11-04-2012, 03:04 PM   #5
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wellston, OH
Posts: 7
the7thletter HB User
Re: My story... sad and pathetic but finally true

My god I am sad.

Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:01 AM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2017 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!