ItsForReal

Im a 22 yr old girl from Ohio and I've drove myself into a really worrying state... Anxiety... OCD and its getting worse. I've always been an obsessive person... I'm very nosey and I am always trying to figure out what someone else is doing... Who they're with and what's been up.. By just going on their social network sites, but here's the thing. I met a friend which is a girl a few years ago and she was a great friend to me, she showed me love and interest my own family haven't even showed me, I kind of looked up to her in a sense, but we stopped talking for a while not because of an argument or anything The friendship just cut off but I always find myself lurking her social networks... And I didn't think nothing of it, because I lurk everybody I'm very anxious and nosey, but I had, had a dream about her that disgusted me really bad... It was sexual. And I started obsessing over it, and started thinking about it really hard and I started to think. What if I have some type of romantic feeling about this girl, what if I'm obsessed with her? And I'm starting to think I really am... I'm really freaking out because I don't want to be obsessed with anyone, and the "lurking" part may come from a lot of time on my hands... I have no life of my own... I want to be loved... My family showed me love but not the kind of love I wanted. My family sort of ruined my self esteem... They make me feel horrible at times. And I have no social life or anything. Just when I was about to enroll in college and start being more active these thoughts come about and ruined it. I have had anxiety in the past that went away but now it's back and it's causing OCD, I don't feel normal.. I'm 22 yrs old and I don't have no life, no boyfriend, I'm shy, and I have low self esteem. I feel like a crazy psycho person... I used to have OCD about dying but Those thoughts are no longer an issue. I just feel very weird like I'm not normal. I need advice please help me with answers. And what else is so weird is that all these thoughts and anxiety ease up at night... At night time it's like there's nothing to worry about, I sleep good... Then in the morning... There goes that sick feeling in stomach. This all may sound crazy but maybe I am crazy I don't know.