| I'm obsessed with being sick
My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was 4 or 5 and I was constantly going to dr's appts and whatnot with him. He was hospitalized for weeks to months on end at some points. For some reason, I love hospitals. I love floors and the bright lights and the smell and the beds and machines- literally everything. He died, and it'll be 2 years in about a month. I've become obsessed with wanting to be sick- which makes no sense because I was there to see how painful and torturous and horrible and depressing it is. But it's becoming a problem, mostly when I'm more depressed than usual. Multiple times a week I google different cancer symptoms, read books about terminal cancer, watch movies about it, etc. When I'm not depressed, it goes to the back of my mind, but I when I am I become obsessed with it. I crave being sick and having someone take care of me and hospitals. And knowing that I'm not nor will ever be sick gets me even more depressed. I don't know what to do about it :/
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