| | OCD in jail
Hello. I found out this week that the probation officer doing my pre-sentencing report is recommending 8 months in jail for crime I pled guilty to as part of a plea agreement (but not a sentencing agreement). My lawyer was astonished that she would recommend this long of a sentence and he IS trying to get this reduced before sentencing next week.
I do not have a problem serving a jail sentence if that is what the court feels is appropriate. My problem/concern is that because I pled as part of a plea deal there was no trial so I could not effectively make my mental health issues known and my laywer said I can write the judge if I felt it was necessary.
I have sever OCD and anxiety along with sever emotional attachment to my cat. I rarely leave my house for fear that something will happen while I'm gone (house burning down, etc.) or that my cat will get hurt and I won't be there to save her. (I won't go into details about the multiple ways my brain has conjoured up about how she could get hurt). I truly feel that I will go crazy/insane (I'm not being funny here) if I'm way for 8 months knowing that I won't be home to deal with any emergency. I worry that I will come out of jail and my cat will be dead. My disabled mother also lives with me and she will not be able to afford to keep our small house if I am not there to bring in what little extra income I do by working from home and supplimenting her social security. So I'm in jail not knowing if she is going to be homeless and my cats will be in a shelter or dead.
I go through most days having to recite the Lord's Prayer in my head over and over to try and keep out these intruding thoughts. Most normal people can leave their home for a weekend and not worry about their pet or mother/family members. I can barely leave for an hour.
I do not even associate with people in the neighborhood for fear I may offend them and they will feel the need to harm my cats while they lay in the window in order to get back at me.
I cannot let my condition worsen to the point where I will be unable to function as a human being. So what is the middle ground?
The sentencing guidelines for the crime I pled to are "zero to 4 years AND/OR fine of up to $100,000.00. So in effect, I COULD be sentenced to zero jail time or something less than the 8 months recommendend by the probation officer. I AM thankful that the 8 months is far less than the 4 years but I would rather take the death penalty and owe a million dollars instead of being subjected to the mental anguish and physical and emotional pain that I know is coming.
I have never ever made excuses for myself because of my condition. I have not tried to go on disability because of my condition, because I want to work and be a contributing member of society. The crime I pled to does not define who I am but I am at the point where I feel that if I don't make the court/judge aware of what I go through that it will kill me in the end.
Any suggestions or help? I live in a very small town with very little and/or inadequate mental health help.
Thank you in advance for any responses. I know there are other who are suffering as I do and probably suffer even more than me. The unknown is scary for anyone. But I know this is going to kill me. I will die of a broken heart knowing that I cannot be there for my mother and pets who I consider and love as if they were my children.
I have not been able to hold a job because of my condition. I lost one job, after 4 years, in January and it took me 9 months to get up the courage and strength to TRY yet another "real" job. I was fired from that job in the second month.
Last edited by ms_mod; 11-23-2012 at 04:22 AM.
Reason: Please don't post legal questions these boards are for health concerns only. Ms_Mod