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clardh121170 01-26-2013 01:06 PM

rocd symptoms
 
Can rocd change the way you feel about someone? You may find this strange; however, i have been with the same person for 22 years and I'm asking this question. She truly is my soul mate. we have 2 beautiful children and the anxiety is so fierce at times i just have to leave. I don't ofcourse but the anxiety is killer. I know we have had good times together. It's just right now with rocd i can't remember them...is that normal?

Chris516 01-26-2013 06:03 PM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
Yes, It can.

In my case, my fiance has been saying since Aug. 2011, that I have an STD. When a full battery of STD tests in 2007, at her request. That all came back, negative.

USmiss 01-27-2013 05:50 AM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
[QUOTE=clardh121170;5123426]Can rocd change the way you feel about someone? You may find this strange; however, i have been with the same person for 22 years and I'm asking this question. She truly is my soul mate. we have 2 beautiful children and the anxiety is so fierce at times i just have to leave. I don't ofcourse but the anxiety is killer. I know we have had good times together. It's just right now with rocd i can't remember them...is that normal?[/QUOTE]

What exactly are your thoughts surrounding your wife. Since you have been together so long, did you have these thoughts earlier in the relationship or is this something new?
I know for me, I tend to zone in on negatives about my boyfriend and our relationship, as well as the possible negative outcomes. My mind then gets stuck on those and I think then this relationship must not be right. Like I can't stand how he is messy at times and doesn't keep his house neat and organized the way I would. So that turns me off and I think, we gee maybe we aren't meant for each other then. At the same time, we do have good points to and we've had lots of good moments together. It's just our minds focus on all the negative and then magnify them. Ask yourself this: What is it that you are SO caught up on about the relationship. Is there a lack of romance, passion, excitement, etc? There must be something that triggers these doubts.

clardh121170 01-27-2013 09:52 AM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
I have had these thoughts in the past right before marriage. They would always proceed an ocd attack of morbid obsession. this time is no different. while i think of our relationship i think i might be happier with someone else or i should say i fantisize about other people (please don't judge). i feel so guilty of this. I catch myself doing it and feel horrible and then anxiety builds and builds. This attack takes all pleasure out of life. I have a hard time recalling good times. My mind mentally loops trying to grasp good times and i can't get ahold of any (even though i know we have) of the past feelings. Just feeling of doubt and uncertainty.

Thanks for your reply USmiss and Chris516

USmiss 01-27-2013 11:13 AM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
[QUOTE=clardh121170;5123783]I have had these thoughts in the past right before marriage. They would always proceed an ocd attack of morbid obsession. this time is no different. while i think of our relationship i think i might be happier with someone else or i should say i fantisize about other people (please don't judge). i feel so guilty of this. I catch myself doing it and feel horrible and then anxiety builds and builds. This attack takes all pleasure out of life. I have a hard time recalling good times. My mind mentally loops trying to grasp good times and i can't get ahold of any (even though i know we have) of the past feelings. Just feeling of doubt and uncertainty.

Thanks for your reply USmiss and Chris516[/QUOTE]

I would never judge you. I am going through the exact same thing except I am not married. I have been with my boyfriend for alittle over 2 years but we cannot move forward in the relationship because I am afraid of moving in or getting married. I don't know if this is the right one or if I really want to be with him. I also fantasize about whether someone else would make me happier. I see movies and shows and compare our relationship to them, thinking it must not be right because he doesn't do certain things like this or that. So I know just how you feel. How were you able to get married when you were going through this? Does yours come and go? Mine would come for a few days or weeks then everything would be fine and I'd be in love again. It's so hard to deal with :-( I'm sorry you are having a bad time too :-(

clardh121170 01-27-2013 01:47 PM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
I'm sorry for you going through the same thing as well...it's hard. I go through phases (months) where everything seem alright and then it hits me. I say alright because i don't remember having these thoughts or if i do have the thoughts, they don't stick. I can push them away.
When my wife and i got married it hit me a few months before the wedding and not during. Looking back i said things to her that would make you cry. Why she would want to be with me and put up with this is beyond me. when i read about ocd and rocd and during these times, it fits the classic profile. Of course after you read about it, my mind finds ways to doubt it. Like now, i just kissed my wife an anaylized how i felt. It didn't feel like butterflies so i question my love for her. It freaks me out! As for your case, i wouldn't compare your relationship to movies and such. I know that's easier said then done because i do the same thing. Remember movies are fantasy. Another thing that helps me when i am really struggling is something i read in a book about ocd. It stated, if your thoughts feel like you don't have a choice and you have to react...then it's ocd. Try and hang in there. Take one day at a time and live in the moment.:)

USmiss 01-27-2013 01:54 PM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
I keep wondering if maybe i want to see what else is out there or if someone else would make me happier or be a better fit for me. I go back in forth in my mind. Today I spent most of the day on the couch crying. I am so tired and so weak. I am going through a med change so that probably isn't helping. It just boggles my mind how I am supposed to know what I really want. Maybe I do have some ROCD or have in the past, but how do I REALLY know if maybe I do want to move on or experience other people. I'm only 23, it's not necessary for me to make a life sentence to someone yet. At the same time, I was almost sure we were going to end up together and that's what I wanted. This sucks. Are you on medication for OCD???

clardh121170 01-27-2013 03:58 PM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
Yes i am on medication and i am seeing a therapist. They just increased my medication. When they increase or start you on something new, it's difficult to distinguish between normal and not so normal thoughts. When i was your age i went through the same thing you are. My wife was my only girlfriend so that really blew my mind. i wondered back then the same thing you did. I went on dates with a couple of girls ;however, as soon as we would go out i knew it wasn't right. It felt right from the start with my wife. Only to ask the question 22 years later...did i make the right choice. As our relationship grew i realized i did make the right choice. Now all of a sudden i ask myself that question. I do believe no matter who i may have found (married) our sickness would make us ask the same question anyway.

USmiss 01-27-2013 05:06 PM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
See from the beginning of my relationship, I always said how it just felt right. Then once I started seeing small things I didn't like about him and questioning everything, I became confused.
May I ask what medicine you are on? I have been on Prozac for 8 years. It obviously is not helping. I am currently going onto Zoloft. I went off prozac in one week and I'm not sure but I think I'm getting more depressed beause of that. Today I could barely function. I guess we just have to find the right med to help control our thoughts and find ways to focus on the positive in life. I think the fact that you felt strongly enough about your wife to marry her and take that step should be enough to remind you that you do love her. I can't even figure out if I really want to take the next step because I'm so fearful.

clardh121170 01-28-2013 11:36 AM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
I was on Prozac for some years, then serzone for about 8 years and now for about a year i am on lexapro. SSRI's have a tendency to stop working for some reason. When you shift medications that's the worst. As for taking the next step, that's going to have to be your decision. I know you say some things bother you about him and you're fearful. These are all natural feelings and concerns. I don't want to influence your decision. I would just hold off on any decisions until your medication kicks in and your ocd isn't ruling your life. If you were on the couch like you said for a day than your ocd (my opinion) is going crazy.
Thanks for your advice about my wife. It seems funny to ask these questions about my wife after 22 years. That's more than have my life!!! That's what this sickness can do. Right now i can only think of times that i felt unhappy. The only thing is looking back at those times i am not sure i was unhappy. I don't remember thinking i was unhappy. I just can't find a time in my mind right now of happy moments.

wertzso 02-02-2013 07:31 AM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
I have this with my boyfriend, also. I'm nearly 20. We have been dating for 9 months, and ROCD has plagued me for about 7 months. It has taken the form of everything from me obsessing over his past with other women, to getting jealous of him talking to a friend because I was obsessing that he might cheat, to feeling that he might not be the one and that I don't love him. Yet, when I think of being with other people it just doesn't feel right. We have our differences, but it's like... he and I just work. I don't know. But, I'm 20 and I get anxious thinking that maybe he's not the one for me, and maybe I want to experience other people and things (even though I already have in the past). But, then I think that he's a great boyfriend, and I'm almost sure I will not find someone like him if I leave. It's hard, because the OCD makes you have doubts, and it confuses you to the point that you don't feel anything, and then the OCD convinces you that you don't love them anymore because you don't feel anything. It's a domino effect.

It's gotten so bad that I have considered going on medicine, but I don't want to deal with the side effects. I used to be on Zoloft for 7 years, and it was less than wonderful... I'm in the process of researching 5HTP, because it's an amino acid that is a precursor to serotonin and is supposed to have the same effect as SSRI's without the horrible side effects. If I can get that and by some miracle it helps, that would be wonderful. I'm sick of being stuck in the doubting cycle.

paisleyprincess 02-25-2013 09:33 AM

Re: rocd symptoms
 
Hi,

After 22 years of marriage, with all its ups and downs, you must have been doing something right! I think your doubts and concerns are pure OCD. It can make you question just about everything, and the fact is.....when it rears its ugly head, the thoughts often mushroom and cause feelings of being totally out of control. I think that's what you're feeling considering you are having difficulty remembering 'good times.' I don't remember so many good time either, but I know that my husband is the one I want to take care of and have fun with. It's a sense of feeling that together we are better than we are apart. People without OCD will fantasize about their partner, "could she/he have made a better choice?" but they are able to just dismiss the unpleasant thought. People with OCD are not able to process thoughts correctly as our brain isn't working as efficiently as it should. With good psychotherapy and medication, it won't be long until you are feeling better. Above all, don't feel guilty about your feelings, you are only adding insult to injury! I know you are a good person, concentrate on one day at a time and live in the present. Best wishes to you.


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