bella18

Hi David,
I suffer from the exact same kind of OCD as you with minor compulsions. I go to CBT and I am on 300 MG of Luvox. I would recommend that you go to a psychiatrist and get on the highest dose of an antidepressant that treats OCD. My psychiatrist wants me to get on Abilify 2 MG next. I am a little hesitant, but if it will stop the intrusive thoughts, I am willing to try. I will give you some techniques that help me. First of all, OCDers know that these are just thoughts and not reality. 1. Get a piece of paper. 2. Write out any intrusive thought that comes to your mind. 3. Rate your anxiety level from 1-10. 4. Challenge them. For instance, write: I have never harmed anyone, I have never even punched someone! 5. Rate your anxiety level from 1-10.
Keep a thought journal everyday. This will really help. Once you start challenging them, they will decrease overtime. Then, you will become immune to them. Next step, is to record your thoughts. I record my intrusive thoughts on my iPhone and I replay them over and over until I am not anxious anymore. Also, I state what is the worst and best outcome? Worst= I keep ruminating. Best= I know it is my OCD and not me. My OCD lies. OCD is a true beast in itself especially with harm/morbid obsessions. I can finally say that I have beat my "images". However, I still have random phrases that pop into my head relating to harm or bizarre phrases of harm. For example, "I have to k*** the chickens". It sounds so weird, but it constantly repeats in my brain. I know this is my OCD so I call it out on it. Now, that I am getting better, I have longer periods of "normalness". When this occurs, I freak out and I say, "OMG! I have OCD! Where are the thoughts?" So, it's almost like I am making them appear. I totally get what you are saying about "hunting" for them. I think we are used to them now and when they are not there we become really anxious. We are patiently waiting for "doom" to come to our brains. I am always scared to wake up the next day because I never know what my OCD is going to come up with. It is extremely difficult, but manageable as long as you seek the right treatment. I am brave and strong. You have to keep telling yourself positive statements. Keep yourself busy and distracted. Try listening to music and do deep breathing exercises. Exercise really helps and going out with friends/family will help too. I find that accepting the brain disorder is the most important step. Once you realize what it is and what is going on with your brain then you can wake up and understand it is not you. It is your silly brain disorder! I hope this helps! I was born this way and I have to accept it. It is a small part of me, but it does not define me or YOU! Please keep in touch!