New to having OCD...
This is my first post. I have some questions about OCD as I have just recently been discussing it with my doctor weekly and he has yet to officially diagnose me, however it is getting increasingly worse.
It says plenty in my Bio about my diagnoses...major depression and anxiety since age 11.
I live alone and haven't had really any friends most of my life. A lot of failed relationships, yet no lasting friendships. I may complain that I don't have any friends, however I believe my loneliness is a comfort to me...it's what I'm used to. I recently had quite a few depressive episodes since September. I managed to stay out of the hospital and my doctor agreed to tweaking my meds on an outpatient basis. I finally felt I was on the right doses. However, I am consistently cleaning my fairly large apartment (so it's a lot to keep up with) and more of making sure EVERYTHING is in it's right place, facing the right way, and it will drive me insane and give me intense anxiety if something is not in it's right place, facing correctly and the everything looks PERFECT. It takes me forever to leave my place cause I can't get myself out the door until EVERYTHING is PERFECT. I have always been a perfectionist, but in it's lowest form. NOTHING like this. My doctor says it's a way for me to feel in control or keeping my mind focused as I always say my mind is like an "engergizer bunny"...constantly in motion...always thinking about something...planning things out in my head out to the minute...thinking about things at times that don't even make sense. I say that I wish that my mind had a light switch where I can just shut it off when I want. So like I said, I'm still discussing all this with my doctor/therapist. however it's starting to scare me as it's getting worse. It's stressful, irritating, terribly exhausting and I can't stop it. Please help with any answers or suggestions. Thank you.
Re: New to having OCD...
Hello. I'm sorry about your situation. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well. I was just recently officially diagnosed, but have had major anxiety issues my entire life. I also believe that I have a panic disorder and atypical depression. I totally understand what you mean by needing everything to be perfect and having an inability to leave the house or do anything else until it is. My OCD is more centered around misophobia (germophobia.) I have this constant fear that I am going to get a disease from touching things. I have actually gone as far as to literally rub the skin off of my hands while having a panic attack because I thought there was something on them. I also have a lot of problems with needing things to be in a particular spot and it will drive me crazy if I can't fix it.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there are other people with OCD and depression and I think I can relate to what you're going through. I would love to talk to you more about it if you'd like.
I like to know that I'm not alone and that there are other people out there that are in the same boat.
Just keep smiling. It helps. I promise.
Re: New to having OCD...
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate just a response...means a lot! :)
And more so, I feel at least better knowing I am not alone as well. Without access to my doctor (who is also the very best therapist I've every had), I really think I am starting to lose it! I mean first it was just everything that I could actually see that had to look "perfect" and be "perfect", however now it's just getting worse cause it's now what I CAN'T see! I could not sleep last night because I was obsessively thinking about everything in every drawer and every closet...that I haven't been "keeping up with it" so to speak. I at least felt somewhat "normal" that I could kinda toss something...clothes or what have you in a drawer, close it and move on. But I HAD to take all my clothes out of every drawer and closet, including towels/washcloths and not put it all back until everything was either ironed or folded "perfectly". And I remember thinking to myself as I was up till almost 3am that A) I rarely used to use an iron that it would actually collect dust and B) this is NOT fun at all, but I cannot stop! It was awful! And I am exhausted this morning :(
I emailed my doctor to tell him what I was doing and he told me that his practice will be ready to start seeing me again in March. Well March cannot come fast enough as I feel like I am falling apart fast!
So you have germophobia? How long? I've heard that it's one of the most common forms of OCD. What is the treatment for this type of OCD? I'm reading that for most, it's this Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That must be just God awful for you.
And believe me, I know far too well about panic attacks. I had one last Friday and it has been a long time since I did have one. It's all obviously linked to a "control" thing with me and keeping everything in my life in order because it was someone changing an appointment time on me at the last minute and I FREAKED! Couldn't breathe, pacing, and my whole body felt like a knot! So I can relate.
I've been psychiatrists my whole life and I actually never heard of "atypical depression". How is that different from the major depression I have?
Sorry for all the questions. It just helps me to know as much as I can.
Thanks so much again.
Hope you have a good day...
Re: New to having OCD...
Amy, please know this. You will feel better. You won't have control issues. You'll be able to do the things you like doing without all the horrific OCD thoughts and actions getting in the way. I love things in their right places. Things have to be arranged just right. I have intrusive thoughts that keep me up day and night. Seeing a good therapist, taking meds and having the hope that things will improve will get you very far. I promise. Know that others are in the same boat and that we can all conquer this with the right attitude. There are some excellent books on OCD and how to cope. Please get a couple and take your time reading them. They will help you relax. Good Luck and keep us posted.
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