Relationship OCD or is it over?
So a little background about myself. I am a college student. 3rd year. I am 21. I have had episodes of hypochondriac since 12th grade. I usually worry about things in general and it usually leaves me depressed if I am alone.
In the past, I was the chasing type of guy. I would continue to like a girl until she liked me back. After I found out that the attraction was mutual I would lose all the attraction towards that girl. So as you can see I would never ask a girl out...my chasing mentality was not even related to having sex with a girl, it went just as far to see if she liked me back.
But starting this year, back in August, I met a girl who I liked physically as well as personality wise. She was smart, funny, and independent. I enjoyed being around. So I asked her out. It was my first real relationship and I loved it. I loved holding her hand in public...being around her...spending time with her. I wanted to make sure she knew that I liked her alot. So sometimes, I would just bring her random cookies at night or cook her breakfast/dinner once in a while...walk her to her class...etc. I would easily get aroused by her...by holding her hand...kissing her...feeling her body...etc. But throughout this, I would always be skeptical if she truly liked me. I would always want to know where she was, who she was with, why she said hi to that guy, why she let go of my hand, etc. If she wasn't using me or if she was just with me for the sake of having a boyfriend.
So about 3 weeks ago we started having sex for the first time. It was great the first 4 times. But then last Sunday night I had performance issues (I couldnt get an erection) for whatever reason...lack of drive...lack of interest that night...nervous...etc. And it only happened once...but since I worry alot I blew the thing up and made it a huge deal.
I began wondering if I was sexually/physically attracted to her and began worrying if this would be the end of our relationship. So I cut out the porn that I have been watching for almost everyday since 9th grade. I ended up telling my girlfriend about my worries about our intimacy and she broke down. She felt like I was telling her we were going to break up. I realized at that moment how much she cared about me and that she truly loved me.
About 4 days after this (Wednesday night), I was able to get an erection by just sleeping beside her and I felt great! I felt like I was back on track and our relationship was going to be fine.
The very next morning, Thursday morning (yesterday), I get up now wondering if I may have lost an overall attraction towards her (Not physical but overall such as personality, etc). I began noticing flaws in her...and began questioning if I still liked her or not. I was wondering if I really wanted to be with her and spend time with her...if maybe my chasing mentality had finally caught up to me. Now that I knew that she truly loved me (because in the beginning I always wondered it if she actually liked and was possibly using me) that maybe this was it. I knew she liked me and now the game was over. So all day yesterday I was questioning if I actually enjoyed her company. If I felt the mutual feeling when she said she loves me.
How can I have lost all the attraction towards her that I had just a few weeks ago all in a matter of few days? Is it because its my first relationship? Am I really the chasing type? Because if i was and according to my past experiences I would have never asked her out...and even if I did, she had done alot of things in these past 6 months to prove to me that she actually does like (Ex. meeting her parents, seeing her friends, talking about our future), so i would have left if i was the chasing type. It is funny, because just a few weeks ago I would cry over the fact that I may have said or done something to mess things up between me and her, I was wondering how I could be the "THAT" guy that she wanted to be with forever? And now I'm wondering if I truly love her???
Do I have ROCD?
Last edited by ms_mod; 03-09-2013 at 05:34 PM.