cheating, OCD and false memories
hey guys. here's my story: i've been in a relationship for 3 years. we've had trust issues due to my bf lying, but he's stopped and is a completely changed person. i consider myself the type of person who would NEVER cheat. but recently, i've been thinking back to this specific night a year and a half ago where i walked to my car with a co-worker. i can remember walking to my car and hugging my co-worker then getting into my car and driving home. yet, when i think back on the night, my mind is telling me "maybe you slept with him and don't remember" or "maybe you kissed and you forgot." i do not know where these thoughts are coming from because i know if i cheated i'd remember; i seem to have a very good memory. but i am beginning to feel guilt as if i did cheat, or did something i should not have. it's truly driving em crazy and it is making me unable to enjoy life. it takes over every aspect of my brain; i think about it at home and at school. i have not talked to this coworker since around the time we walked to our cars together.
i really hope someone, anyone can relate. i feel psychotic. i've told my boyfriend about the guilt i feel, as if i've done something wrong, and he tells me that he trusts my judgment. yet, i seem to not trust my own...? any reply is much appreciated.
oh also, when he lied, i would fixate on his lies and it took me FOREVER to see that he was telling the truth. like he'd add a girl on ******** and i'd automatically suspect they were talking. it's like, now that i trust him, i'm finding another issue to fixate on.
Re: cheating, OCD and false memories
I can completely relate. When I get to work I sometimes think that I ran every red light and will be getting a ticket for each one in the mail. When I think about driving to work I can vividly see myself running the red lights even though I know I didn't. I don't want to go to hospitals because I get thoughts of worry that I'll start taking people off life support and get arrested and stuff. It's just OCD. It can take many forms. You aren't psychotic. Relationships will be difficult with OCD. Definitely need someone who can understand.
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