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Worried, afraid and feeling helpless


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Old 05-04-2017, 07:39 PM   #1
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Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

I wish I didn't feel like this and my anxiety is starting to get the best of me. I can't sleep, I can't eat and all day long my stomach is in knots. I just want to say that I do have anxiety and also health anxiety. I know it, I admit it and its been a struggle for years though for the last several years I have had things under control. I developed health anxiety after being mis diagnosed for a whole year. Many drs kept telling me that all the problems I was having with my heart was anxiety but it wasn't. I was eventually diagnosed with 3 different heart arrhythmias. Health anxiety is rough! After that I had every disease there was and would push for testing not realizing that all those tests could harm me. I realized eventually things needed to change and I worked really hard to get where I am today butttt my anxiety has come back in a big way after I found a mass in my upper abdomen below my ribs almost 2 months ago.

About 3 months ago I started to get really short of breath doing simple chores. I called for a dr appt but because my insurance assigned me to a new primary dr when I called they had no spots open for new patients until May 1st which was almost 3 months away. A little over a month later while in the shower washing my ribs area felt different to me. I put it to the back of my mind to bring up at my dr appt. On April 17th while i was drying off after my shower I felt like something moved inside my body while I was drying off in that area under my ribs. I laid down on my bed to better feel it. I could feel something in there and when I push it from the side it feels like it moves, not under my skin but I can feel it move inside my body. Could it be that when I push on it, it pushes into something near by and so just feels like it moves? I suppose that could be the case but it definitely feels like it moves when pushed and there is definitely something in there that's not suppose to be. I may have anxiety but im not crazy and am not imagining it, my primary care dr felt it as well. So anyways when I felt that I got freaked out and went to the ER. I was in and out in less then 20 mins. The ER dr came in felt around and said your okay its just a lipoma, no worries but she really didn't feel the area I told her I felt it and she did no further testing but because I have anxiety and I don't want to get worked up I said to myself, she is a dr and you are not so she must be right, I will bring it up at my dr appt.

As the days passed by I noticed that when I made different movements or sat or laid on certain postions I could feel the thing in there (without touching it with my hand). It doesn't hurt just feels akward and uncomfortable but again because I have anxiety and I don't want to ove react I tell myself you only notice it because in the back of your mind your worried about it. I try my best not to touch it, not even touch the area its in because I don't like the way it feels when it feels like its moving but the couple times that I have, I notice its gotten bigger. Its actually pretty big. So May 1st comes I go to my dr, he says he feels nothing where the ER dr said she felt that lipoma but he does feel something in the same place I feel it in. He orders a chest x ray, x rays of my ribs, ct scan of my abdomen and blood work. I had everything done except the ct scan because they cancelled my appt the day before saying my insurance didnt approve it yet. I did call about the x ray results and were told they were normal. When I called yesterday for an update about the approval for the ct scan I was told they still hadn't heard anything. Later that night my uncle wanted to see what I was talking about and when I let him feel it I realized it had gotten bigger still so I went to the ER and asked them to do the ct scan and they agreed. The dr comes in and says ct scan is normal. Im confused because I know I feel it. He sends the nurse to give me my discharge papers and the disc with the scan on it and I notice they did a ct scan of my chest not my abdomen like my dr wanted! Basically I just got a bunch of radation for no reason I called the drs office first thing this morning about the authorization and they still didn't have it so I went to the imaging place and paid $259 to have the correct scan done. When the tech walked me out she said your dr will have the results by Monday and then she said "I hope it all works out"! This made me think she saw something really bad on the scan. I know the techs aren't supposed to tell you anything about your scans so I didnt ask but I also know they look at them and know what they are looking at so I feel like she must have seen something bad to say that to me, maybe I am just over thinking it but I cant help but feel that way cause people dont normally say "they hope things work out" unless they know what needs to be worked out. She also seemed really suprised that a month and a half maybe a little longer had passed and I was just now getting a test to see which bothers me as well and is why I went ahead and paid full price for it. I think its ridiculous that I had to wait soooo long to see the dr. I called every single morning after I found this thing for a sooner appt and was told everyday that there was nothing sooner. I don't know when my dr will have the results and as bad as I want them im scared to death of what they might be. Can anyone relate? Im really sorry about this super long post. I just feel like I needed to get it out and I am hoping to connect with someone or someones who have been through the same....

 
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Old 05-05-2017, 11:16 AM   #2
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Hi

I'm sorry you are dealing with all this. I can imagine how nervous you are feeling, anyone would be. I totally can relate to you as far as having anxiety and not wanting to overreact. But, you know something is there that is not supposed to be and you're scared. I hope you hear soon from your doctor and whatever it is can be taken care of. The good news is that if something really wrong was going on, hopefully it would have been picked up on already. I'm sure you have had blood work done at some point and they would see something there. Also, if the ct scan showed something bad the dr would know quickly. But, I would be worried also. I would call the drs office to see if the results are in again. They should definitely have received them within 24 hours. I hope you get answers soon. Best of luck!

 
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Old 05-05-2017, 06:51 PM   #3
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Thank you so much for your reply I called my drs office late this afternoon and spoke with one of the nurses to ask if the ct scan results were in, I felt like a pest cause it had only been a little over 24 hours but she was kind and let me know that they were and since the dr had already signed off on it she could give me the results. She said they didn't see any mass but found a kidney stone and a hernia near my belly button and the dr wants to discuss those findings with me. I honestly don't know how I feel right now. I am relived but also confused and still worried. Why does the ct scan not see this thing inside of me when it can be felt? I can feel it move inside my body when I push on it and even when I just push the general area its in. Its not on the surface directly under my skin its inside my body and my dr says he felt something in the same spot I feel it so I don't understand. I am so confused. They did not use IV contrast for my scan, I only drank a barrium but I would like to think that since this thing isn't exactly small that it would show up even if they didn't use any contrast. I do not want another ct scan and would like to avoid doing another one if possible but I will do it if the only way to know for sure is to do it with contrast.. I had a follow up appointment with my dr set up already for May 15th but she moved it to May 9th since all my results are in and the dr wanted to speak with me about the hernia so I suppose I will ask him all these nagging questions then. I wish I could relax and just be happy with the results of the scan and maybe I would be if I couldn't feel this thing but since thats not the case I guess I'm left still worrying

 
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Old 05-08-2017, 10:11 AM   #4
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Hey, I am sorry that you are dealing with that

 
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Old 05-12-2017, 01:22 AM   #5
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Today is the 12th. Did you get any news?
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Old 05-12-2017, 11:32 AM   #6
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Quote:
Originally Posted by YaYagirl View Post
Today is the 12th. Did you get any news?
I went to my follow up appointment on the 9th but I really didn't get any news. He went over my x ray, cat scan and basic lab results. All were normal except for the kidney stone and small umbilical hernia. The report did say something about the lack of IV contrast limited the scan and that without it detecting pathology in the solid organs, urinary tract and vascular would be difficult. I do not know why he ordered it without contrast as I'm sure he had to have known that. In the end he gave me a referral to see the general surgeon. Perhaps he should have done that to begin with. I think he maybe should have done an ultrasound verses cat scan... Hopefully I will get some answers when I see the Surgeon on the 22nd. I really hate how all these Drs appointments are given so far out cause this thing has gotten bigger in a small amount of time. It's very frustrating and the anxiety that comes with all the waiting for answers is making me crazy.

 
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Old 05-14-2017, 08:55 AM   #7
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Dear Careful1,

Are you sure that the word was not lymph? Lymph nodes/glands swell as the body works to keep itself healthy. It's normal. However poking around at ourselves can cause irritations and swelling. Docs know how to do examinations, we do not.

It can be shocking to find something 'wrong', even when it may be very common and not at all harmful, as most heart beat irregularities actually are. A friend of mine scared herself half to death with a heart murmur though the doctors told her it was not significant and she was fine. Finally over time she learned that is just how her own heart works and her life is not at all in danger. But she did make herself a nervous wreak before she figured this out. She didn't have to let her mind go there.

I think the tech was reacting to your fearfulness and nervousness, not to the results of the scan. They are not trained to diagnose and if they have any kind of decent training would not react to anything they see. Only doctors can diagnose. Yes, get regular check ups, but trust the doctors to notice and tell you if there is a life threatening problem. Right now fear seems like your worst enemy.

We expect everything in the body to work like a clock works, tick,tick, the clock hand moves, one second at a time. It may feel freaky when the body acts like something alive rather than a machine. But your symptoms seem to be just announcing that your body is ALIVE.

I think you really need to get help to relax and just allow your body to act normally. Most every body has little 'glitches' or irregularities that we can concentrate on till we go mad, or else just accept and relax. Do yoga, run, work out, etc. to relieve tension. Fear and worry creates physical pain. You must stop examining your body and dwelling on it. It isn't helping you.

The biggest killer is tension, but we can learn to control our emotions. If you did get a serious diagnosis, survival and recovery requires CALMING yourself. Please get serious help to learn how to calm down. It seems that your anxiety is eating you alive.

Let us know what you find out. Whatever is going on, I think you will be fine.
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Old 05-14-2017, 08:57 AM   #8
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

No it's not a lymph node... I don't touch the lump at all cause I don't like how it feels. The Dr called it an upper left quadrant abdominal mass and since I found it a couple weeks before Easter it's gotten bigger. The lump itself doesn't hurt when touched but the area around it is starting to hurt for the last 2 weeks or so and for the same amount of time my back has numbness at the bottom of my rib area and it feels like something is putting pressure on my ribs back there from the inside and also on my side at the bottom of my ribs. The emergency room Dr said it was a lipoma which is a benign fatty tumour but she was not touching the area I told her the lump was in and when I went to my PCP he said he felt nothing in the area she felt it and that he didn't feel any lipoma. He said he felt something further to the left in the exact spot I feel it.

Last edited by Careful1; 05-14-2017 at 09:35 AM.

 
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Old 05-15-2017, 08:42 AM   #9
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Hi Careful1,

When we suffer anxiety, we need to be very careful to choose to NOT assume the worst with every swelling that may occur. People often bump parts of the body and not even notice it and cause a little swelling. It doesn't mean something is 'wrong'.

The doctors examined you and don't find anything to be concerned about. Your job is to not dwell on it. If it is something serious you can trust that it will manifest in a way that can't be ignored. But on the other hand, we can pick at ourselves until we have created an abscess. Then in that case we did it to ourselves.

You can choose to not make yourself a wreck by examining your body and dwelling on every thing you notice. Having health anxiety is not fun to experience. But only you can make the choice to quiet those 'what if' voices in your head.
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Old 05-15-2017, 09:59 AM   #10
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Hi Careful1,

I've read all of your posts.

If you keep poking at places on the body, yes they can start to swell and hurt. My point is to not dwell on finding something 'wrong' with your body.

Anxiety and health anxiety is not a disease. It means that you are psychologically in your mind not at ease with your body and how it functions. I know people that pick and poke at their bodies until they create sores and infections. They cause their own problems.

It's very important to get some help for the anxiety, and also to learn how the body functions. Picking and poking at the body can make a person neurotic. You really must take care of your mental processes and learn to calm yourself down.
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Last edited by YaYagirl; 05-15-2017 at 10:03 AM.

 
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Old 05-15-2017, 01:04 PM   #11
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

I understand what you are saying and you are not wrong. I admitted that I have anxiety/health anxiety and panic attacks, however I had it mostly under control for the past several years. I actually developed health anxiety and panic attacks due to being mis diagnosed as having panic attacks when it really was heart arrhythmias when I was 20 years old. I have PVCS, SVT and NSVT. I went through the whole heart obsession period and after some time I learned to deal with it. I for the most part have been anxiety free for at least 6 years.
I don't poke my body looking for something wrong. I was in the shower washing myself when I found this lump. It didn't come from my imagination and it didn't appear there because I have any kind of anxiety. My Dr did examine me and he also felt the lump, that's the reason he sent me for scans and refered me to a general surgeon. As I said in my post, I do not touch the lump. Since I discovered it a few weeks before Easter, I probably have checked on it Maybe 3 times. I don't have to touch it to feel it, since it's gotten bigger I can feel it there without touching it, it's under my breast and so it feels akward and uncomfortable and for the past week the area it's in has been painful and the pain wraps around to my side. Also I have numbness on my back that extends somewhat to my side level with where this thing is in the front. Is it related or a problem of its own, I do not know. I just know it's been constantly there for about 2 weeks now.

Has this lump caused me great anxiety? Absolutely.... Am I afraid? Absoustley... I don't deny that. I am both anxious and afraid and you are absoustley right, good or bad I need to find a way to deal with and get it under control. It's just hard not to worry.

Thank you for taking time to talk with me, it's greatly appreciated and comforting 😄

Last edited by Careful1; 05-15-2017 at 01:06 PM.

 
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Old 05-16-2017, 10:14 AM   #12
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

I am on my way to my orthopedic doctor about the numbness I am feeling on my back area and tomorrow I have my visit with the general surgeon. Will jump on here after my visit with the ortho to let you know what he says about the numbness.

 
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Old 05-16-2017, 03:19 PM   #13
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Orthopedic told me to go back to my primary and ask for chest x ray but I already had one at the start of this month on May 1st which they said was normal. The numbness is really bad... general surgeon tomorrow, scared but glad it's tomorrow.

 
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Old 05-16-2017, 06:18 PM   #14
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Positive thoughts for your appointment tomorrow, I understand your pain in waiting to get an answer. Know that you are doing all you can by asking for the doctors to continue to help you find answers and resolution.

 
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Old 05-16-2017, 06:28 PM   #15
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Re: Worried, afraid and feeling helpless

Thank you for your kind words, it means a lot �� I am beyond stressed and have so many different emotions going on. I'm praying for answers tomorrow (Good ones).

Last edited by Administrator; 05-19-2017 at 08:34 AM.

 
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