marriage issues....advice please!!!!!! - Open to All Other Health Topics Message Board

jen288 · 07-01-2002, 10:01 PM

I am married to my high school sweetheart. I didnt believe in love at first sight until I met him. We will be married 10 years on July 9. I love him more and more every day but the sparkle is gone out of our marriage. He has been battling a drinking problem for almost our whole marriage and just found out he has bipolar,adhd and is dyslexic. He has recently been put on meds that will hopefully help him. We dont talk anymore, he spends all his time usually during the day on the computer, and we dont have a sex life anymore. I would appreciate any advice that someone who has been in my situation or anyone that can offer me any advice on what I can do to bring the spark back into our marriage again. He was very abusive for many years but we got counseling and he has been an angel ever since except for this problem we are having now. After 2 children I have definitely lost my figure and feel very unattractive. I wont have sex unless the lights are off so he doesnt have to look at me.
Please serious replys only... please dont make fun of my situation
Thank you all

EEWMKM · 07-02-2002, 08:43 AM

First of all, congratulations for sticking it out as long as you have. A lot of people give up on their marriages at the first hint of trouble, not to mention what you've gone through.

Is there anyway you can get counseling together again? You may need help on learning how, as a couple, to deal with his disorders. Perhaps you should consider counseling yourself. It is really hard to be the loved one of someone with a mental disorder and there is nothing wrong with reaching out for a little help yourself. Perhaps there is a mental health association in your area that runs support groups. Your husband's doctor should be able to tell you or you could look for some support on the internet.

Also, from what I've seen friends and relatives go through, it takes a long time for depression/bipolar medications to take affect and there are side affects. Your husband may need to switch medications several times before they find the right combination. This is why I stress reaching out for some help. You might be in for a long road. But, since you've made an honourable committment to your marriage so far, I'm sure that you can make it through. Keep posting...I am sure there are others in the same situation that can give you a lot of good, practical advice.

God Bless,

E.

christie s · 07-02-2002, 10:27 AM

Jen~~Good for you for sticking by your husband and not just leaving at the first sign of problems. My husband is bipolar and has dyslexia also. We have been married 13 years and he was diagnosed 4 years into our marriage.

Is your husband getting help for his drinking problem? If he isn't I would encourage you to try to help him with that. How long has he been on the medication? When my hubby first started his, he had to go back every month until they found the right combination of drugs for him. Once they found the right combination it was amazing the difference in him. I know that I can tell a difference if my husband misses one day of his meds. Please know that this is not something your husband can control by himself, he probably doesn't even know he acts the way he does.

Jen, don't put yourself down for not having the same figure you did when you first got married. I would venture to say that most women don't have the same figure that they did before they had kids. Don't let how you feel about your body carry over into your sex life. Be adventurous and bold in the bedroom, surprise him, be the aggressive one, leave a lamp on, try something new, don't just lie there and expect it to happen. It is all in the attitude, if you think you are ugly and repulsive, so will he.

I have been in the position you are in and if you have any questions, I will try to help you in any way I can. I am far from being an expert on these things, but sometimes just talking to somebody who has been there can help.

Jay Tor · 07-02-2002, 10:47 AM

Alcohol and some mood-modifying meds can reduce libido - the desire and the ability to have/enjoy sex. Check his meds on this link. If he's unaware of these side-effects, he may be feeling that he's suffering from yet another problem, in addition to everything else.
[url="http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/medmaster/a682878.html"]http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/medmaster/a682878.html[/url]

Many people with chronic alcohol problems and/or bipolar disorder have vitamin and EFA deficiencies. Exercise and good nutrition would benefit all of your family.

cozy · 07-02-2002, 11:26 AM

Jen, I wish I would have read this before I posted a new Topic. I had been happily married 8 years until my back went out. Let me just say I ain't :dancing: like I used to or as often. I don't think a person should worry about their body type when in the "mood". Once the throws of passion begin I doubt anyone cares. LOL! AS for the drinking & medical issues have you tried AA? Personally, I'd make him SIT down & listen to what I'd have to say & see if that helped at all. Men are a different specie. You gotta thump em in the head a bit to keep things jump started up there. Truely tho, marrige is hard work but well worth the toil in the long run if you hang in there. I always tell my hubby if he's ever incompasitated, who does he think is gonna bring him the bedpain? Hope things work out for you. Now go grab that man, sit him down, tell him to listen to you & who knows,,, you may leave the lights on.