I did not know where to post this so I thought I would try here. I have 4 boys rangeing in age from 12-4. My concern is with my 10yr old. He is the type of child who would rather be by himself. He does not like sports he loves being on the computer and playing his video games. That is not the concern the concern is when he is in the bathroom he spends I would say at the least 45 mins in there. He makes it a point to always use my bathroom. A few times my oldest son has caught him in thier trying on my things. I have gone in there when he was done and have found my makeup and things out of place. I have been told the more boys you have the more likely you are to have one grow up to be gay or such. I do not have a problem with this. My oldest had made fun of him the first time he caught him. I have never seen this myself but sometimes he will come out half undressed. I have mentioned this whole thing to my husband and he has told me not to worry about it none of his sons will grow up to be gay or anything. Let me make this clear right here. I will ove my son no matter what!!! But since this all started if any of his brothers say anything to him about let say watching the Power Puff girls he just goes into this rage where he looks like he can kill. He had said to me at one time "mom I should of been a girl and I hate you made me a boy". He said just the other day" Mom I do not think I would ever have a surgery to be a girl because I know it would hurt I wonder if there would be another way?" So now I guess what I am looking for is advice as how to get all the other guys in the house to just lay off him. Telling them will do no good. They tell him he is gay and I always say in generel not pin pointing that "I will love all of you guys no matter what." But his brothers just rub his actions in his face. He is the 2nd oldest.Hes gay if he doesn't want to play with him they call him a girl alot too. I am just at a loss here. And since my Husband is of no help....
Have you even tried to stop your other sons from tormenting him? Boys may be boys, but you have the responsibility to put a stop to their unkind behavior. That would be a good first step. Take each of them aside and inform them VERY FIRMLY that their behavior is hurtful and will not be tolerated in your family, whether you are looking or not. They should all be old enough to understand. It would really be better if your husband did it (because Dad is generally tougher than Mom), so maybe you can enlist his help in that aspect, anyway, even if he is not interested in addressing the root issue. Could you possibly get him to talk to the others about their behavior? I would guess that one of them (the oldest?) is the "ringleader" so to speak, and you/Dad should be extra firm with him. There is kidding, and then there is being hurtful. Boys kid around, but they should not be intentionally hurtful to each other. And maybe not allow the son to use your bathroom so much. Have YOU ever seen him with make-up on, or anything else like that? Could it be that he uses your bathroom for privacy, and sees your stuff there and is just looking at it out of general curiosity? Have you asked him what he is doing in there? And if he IS doing something "unusual" for a young boy, if he knows why he is doing what he does? A good heart-to-heart with him might reveal something helpful. Just a few shots in the dark from an objective observer...
Your other sons need to be told that each of is different and made as a unique individual and let them know that teasing their brother will not be tolerated in your household. As for the son you are concerned about he has already told you that he wishes he had been born a female and that he feels trapped inside a boys body. Call your doc and ask for a referral to a competent psych doc to help him deal with these feelings as he is at least open enough to admit them to you. Has he ever told your husband aka his father how he feels? From what I read between the lines it sound like you husband is or will have a hard time dealing with the fact that your son feels transgendered. I am sure as he gets older it will get harder and harder for him to deal with his feelings as well as how others see him so I urge you to find a professional that can help him with this. Good Luck.
My first son said the same kind of things to me, when he was young. I asked him why he wanted to be a girl, and he told me the list. I then explained that there are positives and negatives about being a boy or a girl, and explained some issues each has to deal with, and did not make an issue bigger out of it than the discussion. Why run out a get a professional? Just ask him why he feels that way, and help him open up.
I certainly would not allow any child to chide another.
My son did grow up and get married and eventually chose to put his old feelings to rest.
Don't push one way or the other, don't judge his feelings, just acknowlege them as real, and he will make his own path. I think we can get alarmed and try to fix a situation rather than to let it alone. Just make the other kids back off. He needs to know it is common to not like himself at his age. If he sees himself as a normal kid, that will help him not be anxious aboyut his identity...kids that age usually are not sexual, so this is identity in nature.
First, let me say how wonderful you are to be so supportive, and how lucky your kids are to have you as a Mom!
I agree with all of the above that siblings picking on one another for any reason should not be tolerated. I think some of the teasing may stem from fear that having a "gay" brother (or son) somehow makes them less masculine, and that's something you may want to address with your oldest child. I'm also thinking that this kind of behavior in a ten-year-old is probably not sexual. Maybe he's just a middle child who wishes he were a girl so that he could get some attention, maybe even be Mom's favorite? Maybe he knows a little girl who's close to her mom and he envies that relationship. I think you're right to not make a big deal out of his behavior. I think you're right about a lot things!
You said your son is not interested in the sports and things of that nature and spends a lot of time on the computer and with video games. Could this be part of wanting to be a girl? I know it sounds crazy but bare with me.
My son now 13 hates sports, rough housing and any of the other typical boy things. What he does like is computers; video games (again not the typical ones.) and reading. He is very much a loner. When he was about your son’s age he made a comment after being teased in school “girls have it so easy” when I asked him what he meant he said “they can like what ever they want and its ok. But boys have to like sports and fighting or they’re gay.” Could this be part of what your son is going through?
Your children are very luck to have you as their mom. There are so many people out there who try to force their children to be who they the parent want and ignore what the child wants. It sounds like the only thing you want for you children is for they to be happy. That is the most important thing you can give your kids.