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Old 11-24-2002, 09:01 PM   #1
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Andrew29 HB User
Unhappy What to do...

Hi I'm 18 years old, and I have a personal situation that I'm struggling with and hope someone can give me some input. About two months ago, I met this girl that I worked with and I think we got along pretty well. I asked her out, and got her phone number, but had a small suspicion that she was just being "nice" and didn't want to hurt my feelings, but would still give me a chance. Unfortunetly, I was right cause when I called her to ask her on a date, she said "no". Recently, she moved, and quit her job. Before she quit though, I told her that I still liked her, but she still refused to go out with me. However, we still talked at work, and she left on good terms (said bye, etc..) Although I didn't know her that well, I really do like her and care for her very much still. So when I realize that I'll never see her again, the pain is too much for words (like I honestly could probably cry if i thought about it long enough). So, add this to the other problems of being a teenager, I'm really struggling emotionally (depressed) and about to breakdown. And I don't have a "close enough" friend to open up to like this. Realistically, I realize that we're obviously not getting together, but how can I cope with this? I know a lot of ppl will just say, "someone else will come along", but for me, I don't date a lot of girls, so this statement doesn't give me any relief at all. So, when I like I girl, I really really like her. For example, there are girls that I've like for over a year! So if anyone has any advice as to how I can gain some strength to move on, I'd really appreciate. Thanks.

 
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Old 11-25-2002, 06:38 AM   #2
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Sounds like to me it's time to get real with yourself. she's gone and the best thing ofor you to do is to get on with your life, you owe it to yourself, there is a time for morning but the time is ticking and your life is to short to be dwelling on what you can't have. besides were is it written that in order to be happy you need a member of the opposite sex. Your young, go out and conquer the world.


 
Old 11-25-2002, 05:50 PM   #3
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Andrew29:
Hanging onto an imaginary relationship is an intimacy problem. One needs and wants intimacy, being close enough to open up, but is afraid of it, so one obsesses about someone that is truely unavailable. This is very common, but you need to recognize it in yourself before you get in trouble for it. She clearly does not seek your attention!

Your suffering is real, but it is not about her, it is about you. Perhaps you can think of why you are afraid, such as you have been hurt or rejected, etc. There is counseling available, if you want it. You can get over your fears and learn what a healthy relationship is like. You can learn to seek them.

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Old 11-25-2002, 09:14 PM   #4
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Yep, the previous two posters are right. But I coudn't resist adding my two cents in.
First of all, not everyone has to like you and you don't have to like everybody, attraction wise. Right? I'm sure there were some females out there who gave you the eye but you didn't pursue them b/c you didn't find them attractive or they weren't your type. I bet she feels the same way for you. So get over it and move on.
Secondly, you need to learn how to handle rejection. Whether it be regarding dating or your career choice, you need to be mature about it. I was just like you when I was younger: too immature when it came to dating and didn't handle rejection well. That fear of rejection preveted me from going on lots of dates. When I did get rejected, it would hit me like a ton of bricks. I would let it linger for months on end. Boy was I sorry sap then.
Lastly, you need to get out more often. There are a ton of girls out there who are willingly to give you a chance. It's just that you haven't met them yet. So what you get rejected by a chic, move on towards the next one. You get rejected by her too, keep moving on. The more you do this the more confidence you gain, your charisma builds, and you sharpen up your "talk" or "game". Trust me the more you do this the better it gets.
Sorry to be so upfront about this but you need to wake up! Like I said, you remind me of myself and I don't want you to have a life like I had, alone.

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 11-26-2002).]
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Old 11-25-2002, 11:06 PM   #5
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SnowyLynne HB User
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I agree,get over it,get one with it,& quit worrying over it,you'll get gray hair.........

 
Old 11-26-2002, 03:07 PM   #6
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Andrew,
I have to give you alot of credit for trying. You gave it your best shot, and she knew you were interested in her. She made her choice. It is time to move on. Don't give up on your first rejection, you are young and you will meet someone who will like you just as much as you like her. Most of us get rejected quite a few times before we find that special someone. Hang in there!

 
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