Normal to be shy and quiet? - Open to All Other Health Topics Message Board

YoungLife · 12-04-2002, 08:05 PM

I never talked with anyone about this, but all thru elementery school I NEVER talked , I was known as 'the mute' I only said like 1 or 2 words with anyone or unless asked a question from a teacher, I dont know why I was shy, but just didnt really have anything to say, I still am quiet and very reserved, and usually just talk when I have an opinion or when asked upon.
Up to middle school and highschool I came out my shell more and made some friends that I still talk with to this day. but like at work or social gatherings, parties etc. I usually just sitback and listin observe everyone, when co-workers are in conversations and telling jokes, I feel embarrased cause I dont say anything with them, its not like I dont want to, its just I have nothing to say, maybe Im just that boring. I guess what Im asking is it it normal to be like this?

gwle · 12-05-2002, 12:03 AM

Younglife,
I was in your situation as a child as well. The reason why I didn't speak much is because I had a speech problem and problems with English. I went through many years of ESL and speech therapy to overcome my communication problems. It wasnt till high school that I was able to come out of my shell. Now I'm a loud mouth, very opinionated, and downright smart @$$ sometimes. The only times that I am quiet in social settings is when I'm tired and fatigued. Then I just sit back and ignore everyone.

Over the years I've learned that communication is vital, especially when it comes to networking or making connections. Honestly if you wanna make it in this world, you gotta know people or have connections. My little cousin is kinda anti-social. All he does is stay in his room and play video games all day long. Even when there is a family get-together or party going on, he retreats to his room. I think the only time he talks to people is via the internet, chatting. What I'm trying to say is that your situation is quite normal, you just happen to be more reserve. You don't seem to be anti-social like my cousin. I think it's only problem if you let it be.

poohbearspal · 12-06-2002, 07:21 PM

Well, how much does this really bother you? Are you only bothered (if you even ARE bothered) by it because you think other people perceive you as weird, or anti-social or stuck up, or something? Don't worry tooo much what other people think. Most of them are far more worried about themselves then they are about you. Besides, everyone was created differently and maybe this is just you. I don't think there's anything wrong with being quiet or reserved. In fact, the world probably needs fewer loudmouths and more quiet folks, like you.

But if you really feel inept, I would suggest you "practise" your social skills. When you are at that party, sitting back and being quiet, really pay attention to the other participants. Find some people that seem very poised and comfortable with themselves and listen to the sorts of things they talk about, AND how they respond to other peoples comments and questions. This could give you some ideas, since you seem to have little to talk about.

One thing I have learned, most people like to talk about themselves, so if you are ever really stuck, just start asking the person sitting nearby a question about themselves. They'll probably open up to you a lot more than you might anticipate. Casually say something like, "This spinach dip is great. I'm Jane Doe, by the way. I know Richard (the host) from work. How do you know him?" They'll respond with something, then you can follow up with something like, "So what do you do? I work in marketing for Keason West." "Oh, you're an engineer, interesting! What sorts of things do you design?" Then you can get into more personal things, if you are feeling comfortable. As long as you tell a bit about yourself, like your name, where you work, how you know the host, etc., it will SEEM as though you are keeping up your end of the conversation. Practise at home in front of a mirror if you want. LOTS of celebrities and actors do that sort of thing.

Also, think about this, shyness is really just a form of vanity. Most people who are shy think they are not "good" enough. Don't worry about that. Most people feel that way, even if they don't act like it. Start ACTING like you're not shy, and maybe you'll come out of your shell. Best wishes with that.! Pal

YoungLife · 12-08-2002, 01:02 PM

thanks for the replies.

no, i guess it dosnt bother me much. thats how i just am, im happy with it. even on the internet i dont have much to say :0

12-10-2002, 11:40 AM

YoungLife, I was the same way. When I was little I was so shy and quiet and was that way even in high school. I eventually came out of my shell and you will too.