like to know what you all think - Open to All Other Health Topics Message Board

jamesk · 10-22-2003, 09:01 PM

hi. i would just like to know what you think. i have what is considered as mild ceperal palsey on my right side.i am 20 and my step dad wants me to further my education. i get major right leg and back pains so i dont think i could hold a job due to the pain. he dont seem to understand how bad the pain is.the way i look at it if i go to school get a job then get fired because i cant do what i should because of my pain. whats the use.i would prob not be able to get back on ssi then. me and my g/f have talked about it and agree that it would prob be better if i stayed at home and took care of the house and she went to work. i am on ssi so it is atleast some income. i feel bad that she would be working and not me. but the pain gets so bad i need help in and out of the tub. it is getting worse as i get older so i dont know. if i did stay home and we have a kid later on then i be a stay at home dad. some ppl would think that i am beging lasy but i am not. just let me know what you think
thank you
james

tagger · 10-22-2003, 09:23 PM

Too bad there's still such a stigma about stay at home dads! Why not?! One thing to consider though is if your pain will affect your caregiving to a newborn or toddler. Caregiving to a toddler can be very exhausting. It's the "hover" age. You rarely have a chance to sit down. You might need a "support network". Moms have this down pat. Playgroups etc. Dads are just recently getting the hang of it. Many a home parent will tell you that a desk job (with coffee breaks!) is easier than chasing an exuberant toddler around!

This is someting you need to look hard at before you make a final decision. If you do decide to be the stay at home parent you may take some ribbing, even in this day and age, so be prepared with some comeback lines!

So sorry for your pain. Hope everything works out...tagger

[This message has been edited by tagger (edited 10-22-2003).]

jamesk · 10-22-2003, 09:29 PM

i have thought about if it would affect me taking care of a new born but honestly i think i would be better at that than a job due to part of income . if i can find a way to del with the pain than i be ok either way.i just dont want to take out of the house funds by getting fired and not being abel to get back on ssi. i dont know thou either way i do my best . thank you for your input

cattys · 10-24-2003, 08:00 AM

Hi James.

I to have a chronic painfull condition. Do what you feel is right. It is your body and you know best at what your limits are and what you can and can not do. Do not worry what other people will think. They are not paying your bills.

Don't worry about people saying you are just lazy they have no clue what it feels like to be in pain all the time. I would give anything to have my old life back before I got RSD but that is not going to happen.

You do what you have to do. You are getting income right now and like you said if you go off ssi you will have a fight to get back on if the job process does not work out.

Best of luck on whatever you decide.

MrsLee · 10-24-2003, 08:14 AM

I'm sorry to hear you are in such pain. It sounds like your girlfriend is very supportive of you, and that is a good thing.

Your stepdad may be pressuring you, but remember, the decision is up to you and your girlfriend. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do.

I do not know a lot about this, but if an employer were to fire you because of your disease, I think it may be considered discrimination. The thing I do not know if whether or not cerebral palsy is considered a disability. But according to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), employers must legally make "reasonable accomodations" for someone with a disability, and cannot fire you because of this condition. And it cannot be used as a basis for making a hiring decision either. Employers cannot inquire about a condition until after you are hired.

This is just something I wanted to point out, if you do want to get a job and the fear of being considered lazy is stopping you. I wish you the best of luck in your decision. Take care!