It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Open to All Other Health Topics Message Board

Does my brother have a mental dissorder?


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-22-2005, 09:48 PM   #1
WorriedBrother
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
WorriedBrother HB User
Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

I’m new to this board, and thought I'd give it a try because all attempts to figure out what’s wrong with my brother have failed. My brother is 16 years old. For years now my family has been dealing with his increasing problem. Most people that know him do not know that he has a problem. The few people that know about the issue have talked only to my brother and think that my parents are abusive and that we have the problem (which is just lies from my brother). These people include a psychologist that he has gone to see (through the school) and our family doctor.

My brother (in this post I will refer to him as Jack, but that is not his real name) is like a ticking time bomb...you never know what will set him off. Sometimes you do nothing and he still gets angry. For example this morning Jack woke up at 8am thinking that he had to go to hockey. My mother told him that he was mistaken. He started yelling and saying that he, as he likes to call it, was getting "****** off". She told him to come downstairs and look at the schedule. He responded with "I swear if I come all the way downstairs to find out you are f***ing wrong, I'm going to get SO ****** off". Jack looked at the schedule, realized he was in fact wrong, and started screaming and throwing objects because he had woken up early. All this anger was directed at my mother and he was blaming her for his mistake. He doesn’t accept responsibility for his actions and does not want to realize that he has a problem. For example, he doesn’t study for a test, doesn’t go to school most days and when he fails the test, it’s the teachers fault because “he is a bad teacher and doesn’t teach us anything”.

Angry is too small of a word – enraged is better. When he gets angry, nothing will calm him down….you can try walking away from him, to give him some space…he chaces after you and gets mad because you are not “listening to him”. When in reality you do not want to sit there while the screams in your face. Talking to him doesn’t help because sometimes he gets so mad that he does this “non stop talking” where he says one word every second. “I – AM – SO – MAD – RIGHT – NOW – AT – YOU,” and thus preventing you from saying anything to him because he stretches his sentences out. What leads me to believe that it’s not just an anger management problem is his incoherent thinking. During his “non-stop talking” he sometimes explains his actions. During these “explanations” he sometimes brings in odd people, such as the Queen of England, The President of the United States, and Jesus among others. Further, even if he doesn’t use odd examples that involve those three people, his rationalizations and explanations don’t make sense. And when you say you don’t understand him, that enrages him more – he believes that you aren’t listening to him. Further trying to talk to him while he is calm just makes him angry and again, makes it impossible to talk to him.

We have gone to professionals for help. One professional thought (through explanations of his actions) that he had bipolar disorder: In addition to his angry fits that come without warning, …he is also extremely “giddy’ when around friends, so much that they ask him to calm down. We have attempted family counselling but he refuses to accept that he has a problem. He doesn’t want to talk about him while we are there and instead tries to focus the sessions on us. He deflects everything to other people and refuses to take responsibility for his actions. Him failing a test in school is the teacher’s fault. Him being late for hockey when he didn’t wake up is m parents fault…and waking him up early to get to hockey is also my parents fault that he is tired (even though he stayed up till 2 or 3am…which apparently…is also my parents fault because he cant sleep because he is so stressed because they **** him off all the time). Sometimes he gets angry to the point were we have to call the police. As soon as they come he calms down instantly (well he stops screaming…you can tell though that he is still angry). Sometimes the neighbours call because he screams so loudly "I’m going to get a bat and BASH YOUR FACE IN!!!".

I think that part of the problem lies in my parents. My dad used to be a very angry person while we were growing up. He used to have rages just like Jack (but not to the same extent). However my dad has since erased this angry behaviour. He still acts very much like Jack in that he is very stubborn, and refuses to accept responsibility for his wrong doings. Further he also stays up really late some nights…falling asleep on the couch. My mother babies him, and does everything for him. I think that makes him angry because he wants what he calls “respect” but I think he really means “responsibility”. While talking to a professional Jack once expressed that he wants my parents to punish him and he thinks of them as “weak” because they don’t. Yet when they do try to punish him he sees it as an attack and fights back. It’s a constant struggle for power between them (well it appears that way). Its like he wants them to beat him, to punish him…and yet he fights back so violently it makes you question if that’s what he truly wants.


We know he is drinking and I have found some of the stuff needed to make crystal meth (I’m a chem. Student so I knew what he was doing…I don’t think he actually made some but the fact that he is trying or was trying to scares me). Something needs to be done…but I don’t know what to do….I want to leave the house and get away but I don’t want to abandon my parents and leave them fighting the “battle” alone…the battle to get him help. Just wondering if anybody here thinks he has a mental disorder, or if they have any suggestions at all as to what route to take to getting him help…thanks a lot and sorry for the long message….

Last edited by WorriedBrother; 01-23-2005 at 01:42 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-22-2005, 09:55 PM   #2
2tiredmom
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 90
2tiredmom HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

I am by no means a professional but he really needs help. There is something seriously wrong with his behaviour. I commend you for not wanting to leave your parents to deal with this alone. He sounds too close to being physical with his rages. I see you have called the police before but he calms down before they get there. Do you have a camcorder that you could record his behavior to prove it to the police? I'm reaching here. I really hope you are able to get him so help and that he realizes that he really needs it.

 
Old 01-23-2005, 04:31 AM   #3
feelbad
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 10,121
feelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB Userfeelbad HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

First just let me say that you have my sympathies.I know exactly what you are going through.You just explained my son to a tee.completely.My son was Dxed with a bi polar disorder back in March of this past year.I have to ask you, is your brother on ANY type of anti depressant?This is what actually caused my son to develop Bi polar III.It is a type of bi polar that is caused by the use of SSRIs(anti Ds)we have absolutely no family Hx of any type of mental health disorder on either side of the family.And this is going back through many generations.This was totally and completely generated by the use of the SSRIs he tried.

Now, if he is not on any type of meds, this is still probably some type of bi polar disorder as his behavior is right on the money for it just by what you have stated in your post.He needs to be placed into a good mental health facility for an evaluation asap.You will get this done much more easily if he is in crisis(having one of those episodes that you have to call the police for?)when my son had the last over the top anger explosion,i called the police and they were really great and I asked to have him placed in a facility that I knew could help him.By the second day, his psyhc doc knew exactly what was wrong with him.But they still did all the other testing and even did an MRI on his brain to make sure that they had given him the right Dx.My son was taken off of those hidious SSRIs and placed on depakote and the change in him is truely amazing.He has had no explosions since then and is back to the normal happy funloving caring boy I had before.The transformation was really quite profound.You really really do need to get him into the proper facility for him to have a very in depth eval.I can almost guarentee you he has some sort of bi polar condition.Look up and do some research on bi polar and its symptoms,and i think you will agree.I hope you can get him the help he so desperately needs.He is very lucky to have such a caring brother.Please get him placed in the proper mental health facility soon,for his sake as well as yours and your mothers.I know this is really tearing your mom up inside and you too.It was just horrible to watch my sons wonderful personality just deteriorate into someone that I just did not know anymore.I was actually afraid of my own child.But I am very thankful to the people at the hospital who really wanted to help him,they really were a godsend to us.I was just about at the end of my rope there.Good luck and please keep me posted,K?Marcia

 
Old 01-23-2005, 01:22 PM   #4
WorriedBrother
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
WorriedBrother HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

No he is not on any medication of any kind. He used to take karate, and they teach you in that class "purity of the body and mind"...so he thinks drugs will do nothing for him. However, he drinks, smokes pot, and I believe has tried harder drugs in the past. All he eats is junk food...so his whole "purity" excuses are just a way of him not wanting to accept he possibly has a medical condition (which we keep telling him would be beyond his control, and why we want him to get help).

My mother talked to a professional on the phone (I think she has talked to several actually) and they originally thought that he had bi-polar disorder.... however they said he DOES NOT have it because of the fact that he can control (when is say control I mean stop yelling...he is still angry) as soon as the police arrive. The police have heard him screaming in the background when we call them so they know what he is like...they said they can take him to the hospital against his will...but the hospital has different rules. For them to be able to treat him against his will (the age of consent in Canada is 15 I believe...which is ridiculous...so we need his permission to get him help) he needs to be in a rage when he gets to the hospital. But the police see him not screaming when they arrive and then they leave...and as soon as they are gone he starts up again. They are other routes that we have explored...legal routes and such...but basically nothing can happen unless he hurts someone. The entire system is stupid. My parents cant say "take him to the hospital and test him" cause he is older than the age of consent.... we cant force him to go to the hospital (through the police) cause he isn’t in a rage when they arrive.... and when he does go to see a doctor/psychiatrist on his own will (the school convinced him I believe) he tells lies to the doctors making them think he is being abused at home. So if he has ALL the symptoms of bi-polar disorder...except for the fact that he can "reduce his rage"...what does he have???? I personally think it could be some form of bi-polar dissorder...something related or just a general form of it. But I'm no expert. I'm just hoping that other people out there are having similar problems, and they know of some route to finding a solution.

Thanks a lot for reading, and giving me feedback...I really appreciate it.

Last edited by WorriedBrother; 01-23-2005 at 01:28 PM.

 
Old 01-23-2005, 04:30 PM   #5
zekat
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Missouri
Posts: 894
zekat HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

I'm curious how old YOU are? I have to really, really commend you for having such a level, objective mind about all of this when it is so obviously close to your heart. Have you ever been close to your brother? Are you still close to your brother? My advise for you is split depending on how old you are, so I will hold off on that. I am curious about his references to other people in authority (queen of england, president of the usa, etc.) - have you done any research into schitzophrenia? I mean, when he makes these references are they in the middle of a normal conversation and he just expects you to follow what he is saying or is it out of left field or something? Obviously, he needs a REAL professional and your parents are going to have to force the issues and be the "bad people" as they only have him for two more years. Drastic means call for drasic measures. If they aren't able to step up to the plate, I want YOU to realize that this is not a burden you need to carry on your shoulders for the rest of your life. If your brother does not understand (even though he is obviously sick) that you love him unconditionally, that's his misfortune... I just hope you can continue to see things so clearly even though you care sooooooo much.

 
Old 01-23-2005, 06:32 PM   #6
WorriedBrother
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
WorriedBrother HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

I am 21 and in my last year of university. My relationship with my brother used to be better (as it was for everyone in my family). That was when we were younger and played together and such. Now I don't talk to him as much, mainly because I am affraid of how he will respond. However, he doesnt get mad at me as often (nowhere near as often as he does with my parents and other brother who is 19). He will talk to me, but he doesnt come to me for help (he doesnt go to anybody for that).

I think any of the major mental dissorders (bipolar, Schizophrenia, and such) can be ruled out. Instead I think (if he does have a dissorder) it would be more of a general dissorder, related to bipolar or schizophrenia. I base this on what i know of the dissorders (i am taking courses on mental health and dissorders currently) and based on what professionals have expressed to us.


I try to take a step back from the tension that exists between the members in my family. There is a lot of tension between everyone and fighting breaks out amongst various members, especially with my parents. I believe this is just a result of their frustration with the situtation, because two years ago my brotehr went away for 2 weeks to summer camp, and while he was gone the fighting between my parents and other brother stopped completely. My mom keeps saying she wants him out of the house and cant wait until he is 18 (so she can kick him out). My father doesnt want him to go, and in my opinion, is somewhat dilusional towards the whole problem. He keeps saying "Jack is getting better, he hasnt broken anything in a while..." and even talks about not letting Jack go to school because that is the route of his "stress". None of this helps the situation, but ultimately I do not think my parents personality/actions is the cause of any of this...

Last edited by WorriedBrother; 01-23-2005 at 06:35 PM.

 
Old 01-23-2005, 07:31 PM   #7
Kitten1980
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 209
Kitten1980 HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

I think you are very mature for your age, and very smart and compassionate. I hope I'm not the only one who has told you that because it sounds like you've really had to deal with a lot in your life. I do think your brother needs professional psychiatric help and also would suspect a form of schitzophrenia - the references to Jesus & the Queen and nonsensical explanations, and the apparent ability to "control" his actions when necessary is what makes me suspect that rather than bi-polar. But of course a professional would have to make that judgement. I hope your brother gets the help that he needs but at the same time it is you who I am concerned most about - I personally feel that, based on what you've said here, you need to get yourself out of that situation. It's honorable to want to help your parents and your brother but he has to want help before there is anything you can do of value, and your parents are adults who should be able to take care of themselves - and if they can't, maybe they *are* at least part of the problem. I'm real sorry if that sounds harsh because it isn't meant to be, but I have a friend who is about your age and I have watched her grow up in a very similar situation and she too does not want to "abandon" her parents - which is costing her in terms of not being able to continue her education, get a job, or do anything else with her life which does not center around them and her brother. There comes a point when you just have to look out for *you* hon. Best wishes...
__________________
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen." ~ Hebrews 11:1 ~

 
Old 02-15-2005, 04:41 PM   #8
rxqueen
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Westfield, NY USA
Posts: 57
rxqueen HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

If you're brother doesn't get depressed, then it couldn't be bipolar. When he yells at you and includes random people, how does he speak of them? Are they there, is he talking to them, or is he on the same level as them?

 
Old 02-15-2005, 07:29 PM   #9
Iadinae
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 201
Iadinae HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

It's really difficult to try to find a dx unless he can be evaluated by a mental health professional, although you said you are in university. Can you get your hands on a DSM (Diagnostic and statistics manual) for mental health professionals. You can go through it and get an idea of what some possibilities are based on his symptoms. In order to be dx with any mental disorder a person only needs to meet a certain number of criteria out of a list of possiblilities. So, he could in fact be bi-polar because he meets X amount of qualifiable criteria. however, you could find he meets all or most of the criteria from another category of mental illnesses. He could also meet criteria from more than one area in the DSM meaning he could be cross diagnosed. Most clinicians would meet with him several times before trying to pin a dx on him, because it is so difficult to lose the "label" once it is there. It really sounds like he needs some help. Some mental illnesses have a good prognosis with treatment and it could be somehting that he won't suffer from all of his life. Other illnesses are not quite so promising and is somehting that needs to be carefully monitored for the remainder of his life. I hope you are able to get him some help someway somehow and your family can begin to heal.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 08:46 PM   #10
GettingWellAgain
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 956
GettingWellAgain HB User
Re: Does my brother have a mental dissorder?

I think you're a wonderful brother to be so concerned, and you are concerned rightfully so. I believe that you can look at the DSM online somewhere, and it truly is very helpful, even if you aren't a medical professional. Only a doctor can diagnose a disorder, but I can totally relate to it being hard for a professional to diagnose this person because they change in front of psychologists, police, etc. My boyfriend exhibits some of the characteristics of your brother, but not to that extent. To me, I must say, this sounds like a personality disorder with delusions. There are several types of personality disorders, but I believe that one of the biggest traits is inability to accept responsibility for one's actions, therefore always blaming someone else. ESPECIALLY since they can just turn the behavior off when the police come around. I don't think someone who's in a bipolar state of mania/depression can just shut it on and off like that. I wish you the best of luck with your brother (my father is bipolar with narcissistic tendencies, I know how it feels). Definitely look into the possibility of a personality disorder
~Katalina
__________________
Vestibular problems, CFS, adrenal issues.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
My brother may have liver cancer, does doctor have to tell him? sunnyrise Cancer: Pancreatic & Liver 14 04-08-2009 03:57 PM
Help! Brother with mental illness jaybee123 Caregivers 4 02-26-2009 08:06 PM
My brother has Aspergers and has just had a Psychotic Episode iwantmybrobak Asperger's Syndrome 6 01-15-2009 03:20 PM
My brother mentally unstable? Abney General Health 4 12-30-2008 12:58 PM
Help quitting Herion.. Been using for 8 ys with Brother GTrigga Addiction & Recovery 4 08-22-2008 09:40 PM
does this mean i have it???? nance484 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 1 01-18-2007 04:55 AM
Does bipolar really make a guy do things like this?????? DontWannaBsick Bipolar Disorder 19 01-03-2006 05:05 PM
I don't trust my friend's boyfriend...neither does she alarose Relationship Health 4 10-04-2005 04:32 PM




Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:04 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2017 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!