Some of you may have seen me on the board for a long time, usually in the bowel section but there is something which has been going on in my life since last week and i cannot function properly. I am trying to stay positive, for my own family's sake and my health but it is starting to aafect me now.
My neice is 13 years old and she has gone missing. She has been missing for nearly a week now, her mother is completely distraught (my sister) her grandparents (my parents) are looking ill witht he stress and worry. And i really feel i can't afford to let them see me worry as at the moment i am the only one being strong and trying to stay positve. But as each day passes i am finding it so hard to stay positive.
The police are involved, but they havent offered any kind of counselling to my sister, they keep saying they are following leads. Her emotions are up the wall one minute shes angry and the next she is distraught. I am scouring the internet looking for any details on there of the missing persons pages, but nothing. The police havent even added her to there missing persons page yet!!
I have my own family and i am trying to stay clam for them, but deep down i feel sick to my stomach, not eating to well, not really sleeping and got a constant headache that i have had since weekend.
I just don't know how much longer i can be positive or be strong for my parents and sister, i feel i am on the verge of curling up in the corner, when i had the cancer scare on my ovaries i couodnt tell my parents as they had enough to worry about and i felt by telling them it would make things worse, so i never did. I hope this doesnt sound selfish, but at that time in my life i really neeeded my parents, i needed the support from them as i was going through it and i couldnt have that.
The police have said if she is not found by tomorrow the media will be contcted and it will be going on the TV news stations.
I just want her to return home so everybody can get some relief knowing she is safe.
it isnt clear yet whether she ran away or something has happened.
I just dont know how i can carry on dealing with it, where do i get the strenght from for something like this?? I come in here and reply to other peoples posts as it helps to take the worry off my mind for a few minutes but that is now starting to wear off.
There's only so much you can do. Trying so hard to stay positive is exhausting, and as you said, you have your own life and family to worry about too. You probably feel that the police aren't doing all they can.. but give them the responsibility. Make praying, and staying optimistic your job. Ask neighbors for help maybe, making flyers and spreading the word.
Just a suggestion or curiousity- Does your niece have a computer at home? Alot of people now-a-days have M*****e, livejournal, and other type of journal sites where they can post different things about themselves. A users decides how much information to share. Sometimes people share too much. If the computer could be searched or hacked, it may offer some clue as to where she went, or at least maybe what happened.. whether she ran away or was meeting up with someone who she trusted when she shouldn't have. I'm sure family and police have already done or thought that, along with talking to her friends and classmates.
Having never been in a situation even remotely like this, I don't know what kind of advice to offer as far as how to stay strong. We can't be strong all the time. We're not built that way. Maybe it's someone else's turn to be strong. Hope for the best.
Good luck with everything. I'll be hoping also for the best. Keep updating on any progress.
Thanks for your reply, your right about lettign the police do their job but it so hard to sit back and play the waiting game with something like this. I didnt sleep again last night, i am staying over at my sisters tomorrow night, it is worse for her at night when her other two children are in bed and shes on her own.
It has gone into the local paper today with a picture and all her details, so hopefully something will come up from that.
I cried today for the first time about it, i took my children to school came home and it all just got too much for me. Not only am i worried about her i am also worried about my sister and my parents.
(((((HUGS))))) Sharon I am sooo sorry to hear about your niece's disappearance......oh how my heart goes out to you and your entire family. Please know that each of you are in my prayers and that they find your niece soon. I can't even imagine what it must be like for a family having to face a crisis like this.
I have just come out of my own family crisis and all I can tell you is that God puts us on this earth amongst others to remind us that we are NEVER alone. Pull strength from that, from you family, friends and community knowing that they are there for you. Even people who I never ever met and who reside here have been those angels in my life who have spent many moments with me pulling me through. Knowing that has allowed me to gather up the strength to get through moment by moment, day by day. And you will too.
Do not hold it all in.....let it out and allow others to comfort you knowing that you were put here on earth to do the same for them. There is such healing in being able to share your pain and fears with others and for them to take on some of it for you. Do not deny yourself of experiencing that gift.
The best thing to do during this time is everything and anything you can do to expend the nervous energy. With me, I couldn't rest until I felt like I was doing something positive whether it be to research something or organize some efforts to help out in the situation. Even cooking a meal for your sister or organizing others to do so will help out tremendously. IT will use up the adrenalin that is rushing through your body in a positive way.
I think it is great that you are going to stay with your sister....I know that must be comforting but at the same time realize that sometimes when under stress we can lash out at the ones we love so be forgiving if she does!! Right now she probably feels as if NOBODY knows what she is feeling and the truth is NOBODY does!! Be there for her in everyway even if she wants to throw a few punches....wear it like a bade knowing that she will only be able to do this with somebody she knows will forgive her.
I will warn you, that in the aftermath of it all there will be some post traumaitic stress no matter how things turn out. The aftershock that I am in now is almost as difficult if not even more than when I was actaully going through the crisis. So prepare yourselves for that an line up some support and couselling if needed.
Please keep us posted and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. And make sure that you take care of yourself too....that is important.
On saturday the police rang my sister and said that my niece has been in contact with a 19 year old lad that my niece knows, he asked her where she was but she wouldn't tell him, so he told her she needs to go home and she just put the phone down so he rang the police
We don't know what's happening, or where she is, or even if this event is true, the one that happened on saturday. My sister believes it is true and is now angry with my niece coz she thinks she has chosen to run away, i don't know what to think anymore.
It went in the local paper on friday morning, but we have had no news from that yet.
Are there any reasons your niece would want to run away? I know at 13 I thought my life was horrible, even though it wasn't even close. I was just a moody adolscent going through my own "growing up" bull.
If she really did contact her friend, then hopefully it's just a matter of time before she comes home, or at least contacts her mother. If she really did run away, then she should realize sooner than later that whatever she is running from, is better than what she is running to.
Still hoping the best for you and your family. Stay positive.
If she doesn't have a computer of her own, she may still have had access to one, either at a friend's house or at school maybe. And there are plenty of internet cafes unfortunately. I am assuming that the police are following all possibilities of internet use.
I agree with the previous poster, regardless of how much love and material items etc she may be given, 13-year olds are great at believing that their lives are horrible, and would be better anywhere else.
As your profile doesn't say where you are, I'm not sure if you're UK or US. It seems to me that in the UK at least there is a fairly good result for the police in finding missing people, especially youngsters.
Is there any reason to believe that the phone call to the 19 year old friend did not really happen? It sounds entirely feasible to me that your niece has made contact with someone not too closely connected to the family, knowing that that person would be able to pass on a message that she was fine, but it would not involve your niece actually talking to a relative.