I think that if your hubby's daughter-in-law doesn't like you, then "oh well!" I think that *you think* that you have to get along with her,(this is what people tell me constantly...."not everybody is going to like you, no matter what you think, and no matter who you are, or what you feel inside..etc.. etc..!) You should just be civil..and leave it at that...be nice ..and don't push her...if she doesn't like you, then she doesn't like you! (You just cannot push her to like you.,..and that is pretty much that! LEAVE it be!!!! You just deal with your hubby,and be nice..in fact...one thing that kind of surprises people..(even has sort of happened to me...although, for other reasons) but, when people turn the tables on people,,,like being nice and courteous...and just be the nice person that you regularly are....and even to those that don't approve or like you all that much....those people that don't like you...they can't quite believe that you are actually being considerate or nice to them!
I used to have a horrible ex-co worker..who was mean! The first actual words she spoke to me,(I don't kid here)were "Don't worry, my bark is worse than my bite!" I thought that maybe she was just kidding! Ahhh, err nope! She meant what she said..however..I still beg to differ...she was mean the whole time that I was working with her...even though I had a boss over me,as well as over her, too, she acted like she was over me as well! IT really, really upset me, to the point that not only did I talk to my boss, several times about this..but, found out that my boss couldn't stand her either..but, just put up with her for the three and half years that she worked the job,and my boss also, gave her the silent treatment...one year, that this woman was working...she didn't like what the woman had said...and so ,just let her know how angry she was!!! But, for me...the difficult woman, was a huge major problemo' for me! I recall that my weekends were like an entire summer for me...I was sooooooooo stressed out..and I was tryin' so diligently NOT to quit my job! I tried to put up with her awful behavior...as well as my boss not helping me either! IT was very disconcerting for me...I ended up leaving that job...I could NOT take it anymore! Years later...I saw her on MY street, (I thought that she lived elsewhere! It turned out that she was there to visit her sister...well, my friend and I were heading out of our car, to my apartment..as we had just parked...and here comes this horrible person! I decided to "turn the tables" on this awful person....I was extremely *nice* to her...even sweet! I called over to her,and said to her "HI, so and so! How are you doing?! I haven't seen you for such a long,long time...are you still working at so and so...and or what have you been doing lately?!"
SHe was stunned! LOL! She never expected to hear a word out of me..and she was shocked to even see me at all! She actually did talk to me!(My friend was like "How could you even talk to that woman..you hated her! She made her life miserable!! Why would ou be even nice to her, she sure doesn't deserve anything nice from you!!!")
But, I figured, that turning the tables and showing her, that I could be adult about it...would be better than be hateful and nasty....and I really wanted to change my tune! I DID shock the daylights outta her, though! LOL!
You could always try it! YOu never know...Never say never! LOL!
Maybe your hubby's daughter-in-law is this way...but, there also could be another reasoning behind it...but, still I think that I wouldn't give her that much of the time of day..and you and your hubby do what you gotta do, for you all....You don't have to divorce your hubby...just inform him that you are gonna hang around other members of his family...rather than her....she stresses you out....and that is that!
P.S. Remember you don't have to be her "little family friend"!!!