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Old 10-10-2007, 11:43 PM   #1
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nightowl2 HB User
Question Mental health question here...

I have never seen this as "normal"..: I had these feelings for about twenty something years..in which I never got over my first serious boyfriend...and I kept thinking in my head that he was "with me" all of that time..(I didn't tell anybody(during this time of believing all of this, until much later!!,..because it was a really odd feeling and I knew that it might seem "funky" to others..(this person and I had broken up,a long time ago..and I also had blocked out stuff that he had done to me, and totally had forgotten MOST of why I DID NOT want to be with him!)
I also had dreams about him alternating with another ex-boyfriend for nearly twenty something years...on and off.Sometimes I would dream about ex-serious boyfriend..and sometimes I would dream about the second serious one I had!! IT was strange.
It , to me, was like my brain had NOT gotten over these two people! I loved having these dreams...but, in reality..I was in this lame'o "La La sort of land"....I actually believed that my first serious boyfriend would come back into my life...and he was also with me!!! How cukoo is that!!!???

I told a therapist about this, a long time ago..and she just said "It is normal for you to look for your ex's to see how they are doing"(but, I kept telling her..."but, there is more..I didn't just look for him..I actually believed that He and I were still going to be together..and or, that he still cared about me(which was NOT true, not in the slightest!!!) He didn't even know ,that I had these feelings for him,and after all of the years of breaking it off with him..that I was (what I believed) was (personally in my own opinion) as "Nutty"!!!

WHen I did contact him,(on the internet where I had accidently and just by a freak of luck, had found him!).he was happy, surprised,and a "strange"(as he used to be..because he was a strange type of person..what most people who knew him,and I did as well, as a "Chronic liar")
(WHy I would want to be with a person like that...? well, I pretty much missed his looks..and some of his personality! I know, that is soooo stupid!!!)But, what I want to know.. basically is WHY in the world would my brain have me keep on thinking about him,and never giving him up..when it was "over" sooooo long ago!!!?? What was wrong here?
(My father suffered from mental anxiety(which I have as well, although not the same as his though)
My mother said to me that she was worried about me, when I was growing up..because she would see some of the same things my father did, via me! How genetically connected are mental illnesses with family members?
Is is ALWAYS inherited whether we like it or not?
I used to worry that I would be just like my father..(when I was very young)..and now, I think that I still wonder to this day!!!

I don't think that my "thoughts about my boyfriend" were "normal" to me...I think that I was in this strange state of mind. I know that the therapist I went to should have picked up on this!!

Also, some of the things (like this incident) is very similar to something that my father did..only I think that mine was much worse..but, would anybody know if the mental illnesses can be so genetically connected..that basically you "dont have a choice"?




thanks!!!

nightowl2


P.S. I did finally admit this whole story to close friends of mine..and they were absolutely shocked! They had never known that I really believed that my ex- would come back for me!! One of the persons' knew him somewhat..and remembered a long time ago,how I could not stand to be around my ex..and how I would tell his friends and my friends and more.."That I was breaking up with my serious boyfriend, because he was dangerous..and scary,and nutty..and I was afraid of him..and that he was a strange person..and "not normal"! I also warned everybody around me to watch out for this guy as well!
Also, I when I had told my friend this what I "believed" and that I was STILL in love with this guy (or so I had thought)he was standing in front of me, saying "you're kidding ,right?" and my ex-close friend also said the same thing to me..they were both in shock at that time..because they never honestly believed that I STILL felt the LOVE (or whatever I "really felt" for my first serious boyfriend)...they thought that it was a joke! I realized thru out finding my ex- and talking to him..and just going thru the whole process of finding out other things about this ex of mine..that I had been living in like a huge illusionary world! I was pretty mixed up in the head!!! ..I am no longer this way..but, that whole thing that I went thru, thankfully it is soooo over!! I do mean, like totally over!! Thank God!!!

Last edited by nightowl2; 10-11-2007 at 12:00 AM.

 
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