yeah. it's all odd and morbid and I'm scared sh*tless at this point. I"ll try to keep this short.
Basically, I have Schizophrenia, and a few days ago, I had a very freaky hallucination of a ****-roach-type of bug burrowing itself into my leg. I freaked out and started trying to pull it off of my leg and then I started scratching at it because that didn't work. I soon realized I needed to calm down because I was just hallucinating again, so I turned my head away and waited for it to go away.
the next morning, I had a patch of scratched away skin wear the bug had been. It was scabbed over and I didn't think much of it...
Yesterday, a bunch of red dots started forming around the scabbed area...actually the red dots kind've look like razor burn, or ingrown hairs or zits or whatever. And according to what I've been reading, having a bunch of these in one area could mean a staff infection.
But that's not why I'm so scared. Last night was a really bad night for me. I've self mutilated a lot in the past (mostly cutting my arms and wrists) and last night I cut my wrist pretty bad. Now the cuts are all red and puffy--a lot more than usual, and there are some of those same little red bumps forming near them. I'm really afraid that I might have spread some sort of staff infection into these cuts. They're fairly deep....down to the vein in my wrist. and I terrified this is going to get really bad and that I might die. I don't want to die.
maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe I'm right in thinking I should probably rive myself to the friggin hospital right now and have it all checked out....I've heard of people dieing from skin staff infections if they aren't treated soon enough.
First, how do you know that you have schizophrenia? Have you been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and if so, are you on medication for it? A person can have feelings like the ones you describe without being schizophrenic. May I ask you how old you are?
I am concerned about the cuts on your arms. Please see a doctor because you could get an infection. Something that is not so serious now can become serious if not treated properly. Are you currently in therapy? I hope that you are and that you are able to talk about what is bothering you. Please write again and tell us how you are.
Yes, I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia by a few different psychiatrists. I'm on medications for it and I'm 21 years old. I am not currently in therapy, but I see a psychiatrist ever couple of weeks to evaluate my meds. I'm planning on getting back into therapy pretty soon, seeing as things have been getting worse for me lately.
I was really freaked out about all of this last night, but I decided to wait a while to see if the symptoms got worse before going to the hospital. I slept about 15 hours straight today....longest I've slept in a long time (I havn't been getting much sleep lately) The cuts look a lot better today. The swelling and redness is almost completely gone. Now for the hard part--Got to tell my parents what I did. I have not cut myself in a long time and I suppose it's better if they know the truth so that they're aware of whats going on.
heckabecca, I am glad to hear your cuts look better. Maybe you still should let a doctor take a look at them. Are the cuts part of your schizophrenia or is it a separate issue?
When you are on medication, are you able to function? Since I see that you are in OC there is a place in Culver City (I know, it is far from OC, but may be worth the drive) where they have a lot of 12 step programs help groups. It is free, you donate a couple of dollars if you can. I am pretty sure they have a group for people who cut themselves. Maybe in such group you could come to an understanding why you are cutting yourself.
My sister used to cut her wrists and also burn her arms, but she is now well. She used to do that when she was about your age.
Do you feel concerned about telling your parents or do you in some way look forward to them knowing that you are abusing yourself in this way? I wish I could help you in some way. Hugs to you!