My boyfriend of over a year has a problem of constantly thinking about past men i have been with. In the begining of our relationship he asked all these questions about it and now he cant handle it. He says he is unhappy, cant stop seeing me with guys in his mind, thinks of nothing else. He constantly eats and gambles as a way to cope but i know he needs help. He went to see a therapist once and now wont go back. He refuses help but says he wants to stay with me even though he wants to kill himself. He thinks he can not be helped. what can i do or say to change his mind and realize it can be fixed. i dont want to lose him just because he wont try. HELP
If your boyfriend believes he cannot change, there is not much you can do. It takes him (both of you, really) deciding he wants things to be different before anything can happen.
Most of us learn some strange ways of dealing with the world as we are growing up. He must get some kind of emotional payoff from the attention he gets for obsessing about the boyfriends, gambling, saying he wants to kill himself . . . or that was the way he got attention at home . . . or something along those lines.
it does seem like it is attention he is seeking. At work he is fine, and with his friends he is fine. Its just around me that he acts sad and upset. His personality is what attracted me. He was easy going and funny and he made me feel good about myself. Thats all gone now. Thank you for you input, It seems right.