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Old 05-08-2010, 09:34 AM   #1
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ClaireMaria HB User
I don't know what's wrong with me?

At the start of last summer, I was a normal, healthy 14 year old (I'm 15 now), weighed roughly 120lbs and 5'5 tall. I had good skin, good energy levels and was generally very healthy. However, I wasn't happy with my weight at all and starved myself down a dress size, and by the end of summer I was about 108lbs. I'm not gonna lie, I was so proud of myself for losing so much weight and I intended to lose even more, but when I went back to school I started eating more, probably because life got more stressful because of schoolwork etc. I understand now how bad it is to starve yourself, I know I shouldn't have done it. I used to eat so little, and if I felt I had eaten too much then I would purge/make myself throw up. I also tried chewing and spitting, where you chew the food but spit it into a bin, without swallowing it, for fear of consuming the calories. I think I was very close to developing an eating disorder last summer, but I now understand the consequences and don't intend on going down that road again.

My skin started to break out, so badly that my mum took me to the doctor, who prescribed me Dianette birth control pills. They cleared my skin up a little bit, but they also caused my appetite to increase greatly and I gained A LOT of weight. I went from about 112 lbs to 135 in just a few weeks. The weight gain really killed my self confidence so I stopped taking the pill, hoping I would lose the weight, but it wouldn't budge, and still hasn't.

I've started exercising more now, I go on an hour-long walk everyday and I've cut out junk food and eat very healthily, but I still haven't lost any more than a few pounds. My skin is quite bad again and becomes shiny and oily quite quickly throughout the day. I have horrible purple stretch marks on my inner thighs, all over my bum, on my lower tummy area and on my boobs. Its really getting me down because I feel so fat, I'm bigger than most of my friends and they all eat junk food all the time and do less exercise than me but they still stay so skinny. I'm also going on holiday soon and the thought of wearing a bikini frightens me.

I'm also tired, weak and lethargic all the time. I eat all the right foods and stay hydrated but it seems to make no difference. I have exams coming up very soon, but I'm not motivated at all to study and do well in school. I feel really lonely and unloved sometimes, and I fight with my parents a lot. I also get very emotional at times, mainly at night when I'm feeling tired and lonely I just burst into tears, and it baffles me, because I just get so sad sometimes but I'm not sure why. The only thing that keeps me going is my best friend, who is so understanding and kind to me, and my boyfriend, but I feel like I don't deserve either of them. I've gotten so dependent on other people, like if my boyfriend can't go out with me some weekend, I get really upset and paranoid, and assume he doesn't like me anymore. When something is bothering me, I constantly need reassurance from someone else, to help me convince myself that everything will be okay.

I really don't understand what's wrong with me. :/ I've felt like this for a long time now, so I'm hoping someone on here can help me. If you bother reading all of this, then thank you so much. Any help is greatly appreciated.

 
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Old 05-12-2010, 10:25 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 22
kboshardy HB User
Re: I don't know what's wrong with me?

hey there...i see that many have read your post,yet NO ONE has replied. It seems to me you are crying out for her, communication and all here have to nerve to just ignore you! I am so sorry, I have no idea what is going on with you other than depression maybe. Have you tried anything for depression? Been to a therapist? Wish I could add more, i just wanted to tell you that if you need someone to talk to I am here....You may not be on these froums anymore as no one has even bothered to welcome you....I am having the same trouble around here and not going to be here much longer, I am sure their are other boards where the member at least welcome newcomers! hang in there and let me here from you!

 
Old 05-12-2010, 10:27 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2010
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kboshardy HB User
Re: I don't know what's wrong with me?

posted reply and didnt see it so I am bumping it to see it it shows up!

 
Old 05-16-2010, 05:42 PM   #4
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bjavi HB User
Re: I don't know what's wrong with me?

Hello Claire,

You are starting to go through depression. I could tell because you have stopped doing things that you probably liked to do before. You are going through periods of intense sadness and things seem dull. I'm sure that you are having difficulty sleeping and since you cant find the motivation to study for your exams, its probably not helping.
But you are not alone. So many teenagers feel exactly the same way you do. And you can find help. Claire, you are not alone. My first suggestion is that you find psychological help. Talk to your school counselor, and ask her where you can find help. If you feel shy to go to the counselor, then your doctor can refer a specialist.
I hope you are still going on those walks. Excercise is an exelent therapy, and try to look for other activities that you enjoy. Keep your head up and be strong!! Do not give up... Its in your hands to find the proper help. The sooner you do the sooner you will feel better and get you life back on track.

Best regards...

 
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