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Old 06-07-2010, 01:11 PM   #1
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help with narcisism

hi im in a relationship and me and my girlfriend have been argueing alot,she asked why i hate women...which i dont..i googled that question and found a page on narcissism i read it an it described myself...every thing i do and the way i am..i dont want to be this person and want to know if theres any help i could get to stop myself becoming worse and destoying my relationship and the womon i love.. please help

 
Old 06-08-2010, 12:25 PM   #2
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Re: help with narcisism

You have a lot of company these days. Seems the parenting ideas of the 70's and 80's where you rewarded all children for anything they did has backfired into a mess of narcissistic young adults. Rewards should be earned and not given for nothing. It makes you think the world owes you a living or happiness or whatever you want. And the world doesn't work that way.

Here is one way to start changing. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth which means you should listen twice as much as you talk. Become a good listener. When you listen, you learn more about others and then you can be there for them and not always worried about how you fit into everything.

And then get some books and read. You might find it very helpful to see yourself and then learn how to change if you want to.

We all have the ability to change.

good luck.................Jenny

 
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Old 06-08-2010, 01:09 PM   #3
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Re: help with narcisism

Quote:
Originally Posted by simon111 View Post
hi im in a relationship and me and my girlfriend have been argueing alot,she asked why i hate women...which i dont..i googled that question and found a page on narcissism i read it an it described myself...every thing i do and the way i am..i dont want to be this person and want to know if theres any help i could get to stop myself becoming worse and destoying my relationship and the womon i love.. please help
Simon111,
There are 2 problems that are in 1 problem, that being the internet. First, you looked at google to see who you are (instead asking yourself that question) and second, you googled to find yourself, looking for narcissism. I think google nailed it, right? The fact of you googling yourself makes it a waste of time. You knew it before you did it. If you would have googled about your girlfriend, I bet she would have been thrilled and probably give you a big hug.

Do you ask her about her day is going and really mean it? You would be surprised at how a little humble caring about a loved one can go a long way. But you can't just do it one time. It has to be a way of life. You are not giving in, but giving out.

btw, I don't know why they bleeped that word??? In other words, you love yourself, is that better????

Last edited by Positive Cynic; 06-08-2010 at 01:17 PM. Reason: don't understand the bleep

 
Old 06-10-2010, 06:50 AM   #4
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Re: help with narcisism

It's good that you want to be a better boyfriend, and you're not completely ignoring your girlfriend's unhappiness.

Like they say, it's harder to be caught up in yourself when you're busy doing something nice for someone else. I think that changing is easier than you think and doesn't have to cost a lot. (That is, you don't necessarily need therapy.)

You can give to others in so many ways. Try writing a list.

Examples:
-When you are downtown and come across someone playing music for spare change, take a moment to stop and listen, tell them you enjoyed their music, and give them some money.
-Hold open doors for people and smile at them and say hello.
-Ask your family/friends/coworkers about their day but really LISTEN and truly care what they have to say. The gift you are giving them is your time and caring.
-Be kind to an animal (such as taking a dog for a long walk and giving him praise and treats.)
-Do something nice for your girlfriend, like giving her a massage, without wanting anything in return.

I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Doing nice things for others, not because you want to get something from them but simply because you want to be nice, is one way to change.

If you continue to have strife with your girlfriend and are having trouble changing, then therapy might help. Your health insurance might offer a few free sessions. Be sure to ask the therapist for homework. We all learn by pondering and doing. No one is perfect, and it does take work and time to think about how our words and actions might be affecting others.

 
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