People just dont understand - Pain Management Message Board

deerme · 01-10-2004, 01:03 PM

We recently had my sister and her husband over for the Holidays. My brother-in-law said, "what youre not drinking again?" I told him no not with the pain meds. He said ya know I dont understand how you can be in so much pain, see a P.M. Doc. and be taking pain meds. all the time. If you think positive you wouldnt be in so much pain. I have had 5 major shoulder operations and 3 herniated disks in my lower back. I get that type of comments alot with people who are fortunate enough to be pain free. With the type of work I do (very physical) I need the medication, Oxycontin, Neurontin. Anybody else get these type of reactions from people. And short of telling them where to go, how do you deal with them.

Kayley · 01-10-2004, 01:20 PM

I know exactly how you feel. People don't understand, and I think part of the problem is there is not enough information out there about chronic pain. I'm thinking about printing up some information and handing it out to my family and friends. People think just because we're on pain meds, we shouldn't have pain anymore. I don't expect the meds to take the pain away completely, I feel lucky if they take the edge off. And sometimes it doesn't even take the edge off if I've overdone the physical activity. Thinking positive is a good thing, but it doesn't take the pain away. And stress is our worst enemy. I'm sure alot of people have the same problems with people not understanding. I'm anxious to hear some other suggestions on how to deal with it.

cardinal · 01-10-2004, 04:17 PM

Oh yeh, I can relate! I've lost a couple friends that say "My brother in law had that surgery and he is fine!" "Boy it must be nice to lay around all day and not have to work" "lady of leisure" , Gee it really ****es me off. For one, her b/inlaw had one surgery. My back is progressive problems. I did go back to work after the ist surgery. I worked for 20yrs in pain. I did minor surgeries on Fridays so I could go to work on Monday. We have a combination of issues, its not black and white. Everyone can relate with something we are going thru, but put the "whole" picture togther... now you have a different story. I wish I did have only 1 issue! But there are many and I refuse to give up, but would appreciate not being "condemned" for my suffering. Gosh, if there was a way for them to fully see our suffering, like walk a day in my shoes. I am not a quitter, never was, but now too much. I have paid my dues. Its pure "jeolousy" or just plain ignorance on their part. I say, that is their problem, I have enough.

feelbad · 01-11-2004, 05:42 AM

Yes ,unfortunetly there are people who think that since you are taking pain meds, you are free of the pain and you should be out running a marathon or something.Don't you just have the overwhelming urge to just reach out and smack them in the head?I would but it would hurt too much.Having been dealing with my pain over the past few years, I have noticed something.When all I was dealing with was the problems with my herniated disc issues,I was still able to work(with the help of many Lortabs).My pain was much easier to deal with and I didn't show it (the pain)quite as much.And after my surgery to correct the problem, my friends and family are like, well you had the surgery,now your fine, and by the way, why are you still taking the pain meds ?I had alot of problems after my first surgery and ended up in even more pain after than I had going in.Now after my last surgery(and this one was an absolute killer)I have lost alot of my ability to do anything anymore,I suffered alot of nerve damage do to a "hit" nerve in my spinal cord and am suffering with central pain syndrome.Well, now I really show alot of pain now(I kind of wobble now due to swelling in my R leg,and spasticity in both legs,my L hand is pretty much useless now,And no matter how much narcotic pain meds I take,the best I can get is an 7-8,but mostly at a constant 8-9 all the time.And now, because people can actually "see" that I am in pain, it is a whole different story.I haven't had one negative comment from anyone with regards to my pain.We seem to be a "we have to see it to believe it"type of society,you know?I don't know if you will find this interesting or not, it was just a big difference in peoples reactions to me and my pain that I have observed.And I totally agree with you that some People actually feel like some kind of jealousy or something in that you are just able to do nothing with your day,when all I want to do is to be able to do "SOMETHING" again.If they only knew just what I would give to be able to work again and do useful things like I used to. Sorry, I am starting to get off on a tangent,so I will have to stop now. Thanks for listening. Marcia

deerme · 01-11-2004, 11:46 AM

I work fo a company that cleans commercial duct systems ans kitchen exhaust sysyems. It is the most physically demanding job I ever had. I was an iron worker and I worked in a furniture mill. My PM Doc. is all over me to find a different line of work. I enjoy physical activities. I enjoy hard work. On weekends I cut firewood on the30 acres I own. If I give in to my pain, and lay around do nothing and feel sorry for myself, I might as well be dead.I am in constant pain, even with the Oxy. and Neurontin. When people see me doing this kind of work they assume I am pain free, or lying about the pain I am in. But i figured it out, and I have new attitude about it all. "I dont have to explain what I do to any one but myself." and maybe my wife.