Shoreline

Hi Fiona, I could have written your post. My 16th anneversary is next week. Apperently I said something 5 years ago when I was bed ridden that she's never fogiven or forgotten. I put this pump in hoping it would give me enough relief to return to some kind of normal life, But she didn't have time to be at the hospital for the implant, or to talk to the doc prior to the implant.

People have an expectation of everyone getting better. You have surgery or get injured, there is a perriod of concern and empathy and then it turns into resentment because we have disapointed them by not getting better.

There is no way for someone to understandd what it's like to loose everything in your life that made you who you are. That's the nice thing about the forum.Other Cpers do know.

Whatever I said, which I can't remember was so bad it's unforgivable or unforgetable, so I probably won't be around much the next few months, I have a bunch of legal stuff to figure out and need to find a place to live or a way to live another 7 months like this untill the lease expires. She's already removed all the valuables, 15k in collectable rdreamcycles and another 20k in jewlry and crystal from wedding gifts.

Even my daughter has turned against me at the age of 10 because it has scared her to see me nod off while on meth. I was on meth because there was no other afordable sulution, We paid 380 a month for over a year to cobra my wifes insurance when she went back to school, so that at the first sign of a cavity she could go to the dentist or go to the doc.

I swithced or gave up every med I was on so that we could survive the year she went back to school only to make half the money she used to. She says she's tired of being broke and living like this. Actually it's summer and she wants a rich man to keep her at home by a pool. So In a few weeks or months I'll have nothing of my former life. I wish she had told me this was going to happen before I had the surgery.

But that's life. I'll be checking in occaisionally but even my daughter says she feels neglected if I don't sign of the computer the minute she walks in the door. My wife too. Even though I do all the cooking, cleaning and shopping. She's in for a big surprise, I wish I knew what I said, But since it was 4 years ago, No matter what I do, it won't make a difference.

This also just so happens 2 days after she buys a new Camry and promises to look for a better job. Like one that would have covered me and my daughter with insurance, again, she's the only one that "we" can aford to cover, adding me and my daughter would be an additional 700 bucks a month so I continue to sacrifice as she continues to shop.

I was at the chiropractor 4 weeks ago telling him I couldn't aford to do a maint plan as my wife and daughter were at the salon getting their nails done.

As hard as it mayt be on the spouse, They can walk away at any time and move on with life. We CPers don't have the same choice. I went through the she deserves better, now I'm at the point that I deserve better.

Without my income we can't stay here and without her income I can't stay here. So I will likely be signing off for a while in the next few weeks or maybe the end of summer. Once the pump is titrated properly, I can leave the area and return every few months for a refill.
Take care all. Dave