scotty12

ive seen post where so many of you have opened your hearts and although this is a personal issue i would like to know what you think.my marriage has been very rocky lately due to my pain and im trying to explain to my wife what it is im going through.i have written this letter to email her but havent done so yet.i try and speak to her about it but the right words are hard to come by and sometimes clouded with both pain on my part and frustration and anger on her part.thus my reason for putting my feelings down on paper.

i have my reservations about sharing this but i do feel that only those of us who haved lived in pain really understand what we endure so please let me know if im doing the right thing.are my words tainted with resentment.i dont think so but i dont want to add fuel to the fire.i just want my wife to understand.well,here it is.....





[its friday morning,im at my desk at work,im in some very extreme pain and have been for the past couple of weeks now.the chest pain from the broken ribs is very bad but the back pain is unbearable. atleast i know the chest pain will eventually subside as my ribs heal.
i pray this increased back pain is because ive been unable to stretch.i wont be able to keep this up for long.the medication is offering minimal relief at best.ive been waking at 4am nightly from the back pain.although the pain wakes me it doesnt get too bad until i get up and start my day.
i havent been doing well at all in the mornings.it seems the meds i take when i wake really dont bring the pain levels down much at all.ive had to take my second dose of pain medication within 2 or 3 hrs just to be able to stay at work.i havent worked 4 full days in a row for probably a year and a half and judging by the amount of pain ive been in i realize why.

i realize i havent been much help to you lately and i understand your frustration and anger,which has been quite obvious when you speak to me.i do think that our sons behavior is partly due to me not being able to play with him lately and your lack of patience with the both of us.i sincerely wish i could spend more quality time with him.if i have the surgery i wont be able to play with him for quite some time.

i really am sorry but i dont know what else i can do as i just cant stay on my feet by the time i get home from work.hopefully next week,ill be working less and be able to help out with the kids.i know its been a long hard year and i realize the effect my pain is having on our family.if im unable to manage the pain in the coming weeks i think ill have little choice but to schedule the surgery.i really dont feel comfortable having the operation and worry what the future holds for me.thats not a good attitude to hop onto the operating table with and i think that maybe with the additional pain ive been having from the broken ribs im unable to cope with the back pain,im not sure why ive been having such a hard time.the pain has definitely been worse lately and im thinking i might have aggravated my back when i fell.the back pain has been managable in the past thus my reason for trying to ride this out and hope the pain decreases.

my decision to have the surgery will be based on both the level of pain i can endure and the negative impact it has on my life.that includes my relationship with both you and our children along with my ability to continue to work.i strongly believe that you have no idea how hard living with this pain is nor could you understand what its like to go days or weeks with such high level pain.i know i have choices but theyre my choices to make.im not going to be pressured into surgery because you have a hard time dealing with my level of functioning lately.(no offense intended by that statement)

it is just in the past weeks that ive been stricken with this increased pain.ive been here before and the pain did ease off in the past but currently its as bad as its ever been but im hangin in there and hope youll stand by me through this as i do believe it will pass and ill be able to enjoy some quality time with you and our children.please,think twice before you lose your temper at me.when the pain is very bad the last thing i want to do is argue.i may say things i dont mean when i cant focus on anything but the pain and i dont want to hurt you.i do love you.i do want to grow old with you.it just seems like im growing old alot faster than we'd both like.really,things will get better,i promise.just bear with me.]