I Miss My Old Self - Pain Management Message Board

mikesgirl · 12-29-2006, 08:33 AM

Hello to all...

About a year and a half ago, I injured my SI joint (at least that seems to be the most popular answer, I have been to so many doctors!). Since then I have been in pain almost daily. I guess I am not handling it as well as I could.

I have good and bad days. Every time I think I may feel better I feel crappy again. I feel like my whole world revolves around my pain and I am so sick of it. I miss the way things used to be and being able to do whatever I wanted without worry.

I take some drugs for the pain. I find myself taking the drugs even when I don't have so much pain-because I mentally feel crappy. I know that is really bad. I want to stop doing that for reasons that I don't think I really need to go into. It's just bad. It seems like every time I try to stop taking them for the wrong reasons, I end up in pain again and having to take them.

I want the life I had before. I am 35 years old and the thought of having this forever is just too hard for me.

I am still working, but unfortunately my job contributes greatly to my pain. I am returning to school in January online, but sadly, I need to make money, so I have to keep the job that hurts me. It is a good job with good benefits that I just can't give up right now.

Doctors have said I should try antidepressants. I don't want to. I don't want to take any drugs any more honestly. I just want the problem to go away.

I know that things could be a lot worse for me. I read stories here and know that nothing I have compares to most of you. But I needed to share my feelings with some people who can relate to me.

I guess that worrying about the way things used to be really isn't helping me-but right now, that is how I feel. I am just not willing to accept this.

Thank you all, K

JeanneO · 12-29-2006, 09:08 AM

Hi, I know exactly how you're feeling as I feel the same!! I want my life back. I want to figure out once and for all what is wrong with me. I want to have my pain managed adequately while looking for the answer.

I started with a new PM in September and he told me that we're going to stop looking for the answer and concentrate on my dealing with the pain and acceptance that this is as good as it gets. So I've taken the last 3 months and have tried many anti-deppressants, finally ending with Prozac and have incorporated Yoga, breathing, relaxation and meditation and am working with a pain psychologist, which we've taken a breather on the chronic pain issues and are dealing with Panic Disorder, which is what they say I have now. I'm taking Clonozipam for the short term until the prozac kicks in. I've also limited my activities greatly, trying to find a baseline of activity levels that I can function with while taking Fentanyl only, no breakthrough meds. Well, my activity levels are not adequate for me, I need to be able to do more with my life than work for 5 hours one day and then lay on the couch for the next day. Pretty soon I'm going to have to go back to a more strenous work schedule, right now I'm lucky if I get 2 days a week in at work.

Well, after 3 months of living this way, trying the PM route, I've decided that this isn't good enough for me, I made and appt with him for the 25th of Jan and I'm going in there with the mindset that I want to pursue some more testing and want to try some injections, Botox, anything, I need to be doing something pro-active to figuring out what the heck is wrong with me. The funny thing in all this is that he didn't schedule me with any future appts just sent me to the psychologist and told me to practice relaxation and yoga, so now it's time to see him and get things going.

Sorry to rant on your thread, but I really wanted you to know that you're not alone, and I understand about the meds, sometimes I think that it's just the overall feeling of crappiness that we want to go away, that very well could be the depression....I know that I'm depressed because of my pain and loss of life that I was used to.

I agree with you, too.....I'm not willing to accept this as my life now....there has to be something more for me...and for you, too, I'm sure.

Take good care,

JeanneO

onyxgates · 12-29-2006, 11:18 AM

You are not the only one. I hate being in pain. I am on another thread basically saying the same thing. I am normally a happy person but lately I am just tired and pained. Not sure how to get this across to my pain mgmt doctor. He doesn't seem to want to increase my meds. I believe if he doesn't listen to me this time, I will switch to a new doctor. I have many available to me in my plan. But like Jeanne-o said, not to rant on your thread. Take care and good luck!

IZZY'SMOM · 12-29-2006, 11:35 AM

Hi Mikesgal~
EXCELLENT thread. I can relate so much. Heres what I try to do when I get in the dumps and frustrated with my pain, decreased activity level, ect.
I try to keep my mind busy if I cant be really active, at least Im not obsessing on my meds, ect. PLease dont take your meds to make you feel better mentally, I did that at one time, and ran out too soon, and that was even worse. Plus it can set you up for worse trouble, IMO. But IM not here to do anything but let you know that you are not alone, and if you need anything just ask. We are all here for you. I have to take my puter to the doc today for a minor tune-up, but I will be excited to see how you are doing in a day or two. Hang in there, girl!

xoxoxoxox
IZZY'SMOM

zoey1 · 12-29-2006, 02:49 PM

i know your story well. I was pouting here during thanksgiving black friday sales and just not being albe to do the things i use to be albe to do. Lack of mobility and pain just colors everything. I got down and that just wasn't me always so positive always taking a bad situation and making lemonaide out of it. But this year i got so frustrated of all the things i just couldn't do.
I know i should be grateful for what i can still do and the fact i am still here, however it still kreeps up from time to time and usualy when im in the throws of pain/ and bad spams....
I am grateful we have here and can vent with others that know excatly what we are going through
Thanks yall !!!!