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Old 10-27-2007, 01:49 PM   #1
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Question Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

I hope this isn't an odd question...nothing else seems to be in our world of never ending PAIN!!

Sometimes I go thru these periods (like this last week) when I honestly do NOT know what I am feeling...physically and/or emotionally at the same time!? As if my mind is in the wrong body. It really frightens me!!

What was supposed to be a disectomy at L4-L5 w/lamination... which totally collapsed into the S1 (the surgeon "cleaned up the spurs...removing too much bone and tissue!!") created 80% MORE PROBLEMS than the 80% improvement he swore I would have by getting the surgery. The collapse of the surgical site has also affected my SI joints and hips with profound sciatica, too.

I'm just consumed in pain and have been since the surgery in JAN/2005.

Do YOU ever feel like this???

Thank you for all responses!!
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Old 10-27-2007, 04:35 PM   #2
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

I hope this isn't a ridiculous to the rest of you...because it really does scare me, Guys!
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Old 10-27-2007, 04:59 PM   #3
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Do you mean that you are feeling numb? I know that this past week I have been numb from everything that is going on medically. I feel like this can't be real. I am having surgery #3 in less than 1 1/2 years on my spine. I feel like my life is moving around me but I have no control of what is happening.

 
Old 10-27-2007, 05:36 PM   #4
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Quote:
Originally Posted by 123dietdrpepper View Post
Do you mean that you are feeling numb? I know that this past week I have been numb from everything that is going on medically. I feel like this can't be real. I am having surgery #3 in less than 1 1/2 years on my spine. I feel like my life is moving around me but I have no control of what is happening.
Hi Pepper... Yes! Exactly..no control over anything! And, NUMB... I feel sooo much, I can't tell what it is, Pepper!

But, what about YOU!! Your 3rd surgery??? There's absolutely no way to avoid it again.....so soon??? My heart really hurts for you, Sweetie!! It truly does and I will have you in my prayers, Pepper.

Thank you for your response, Pepper...Im very grateful. But, I know you have been having an awful time of it!!
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Old 10-27-2007, 06:26 PM   #5
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Thank you for your prayers. Unfortunately, I can't avoid the surgery, I am having hardware problems.


Hope you feel better soon.

 
Old 10-28-2007, 05:42 AM   #6
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Chia-
That feeling you & Pepper are describing can possibly be a type of depression. I can't say that this absolutely is what's going on with you, but I can tell you that when I was feeling that way, it was depression. I wasn't aware that I was depressed, but just could not figure out why I was feeling so "numb" about everything. I was starting to feel like a person just "going through the motions". I didn't feel anger at my pain issues, didn't feel happiness about the days where my pain levels were "low", didn't get excited about things most people would look forward to, and basically, I just felt nothing so to speak.

This was all before I was ever referrred to a PM doctor, so my primary put me on Prozac. Again, I didn't think I was depressed, but after being on the Prozac for a week or so, I realized just how much better I was feeling and had to admit my doctor was right.

Depression is something that many people with chronic pain experience. It can be caused by the actual pain itself, can be caused by the medications, or even just the fact that we are missing out on things we truly love and want to do. Long term, intractable pain can cause depression to sink in before we even realize what's going on. Many PM doctors use anti-depressants in their treatment plans for this reason. There are some anti-depressants that also do help with the pain levels too.

I'm sending positive thoughts to you & Pepper!

 
Old 10-28-2007, 06:03 AM   #7
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

chia,
my problem is that i think i know how i feel but try not to feel it. physically and emotionally. this is one of those mornings where i have to be careful not to get my feelings hurt too easily or i will bust out crying. my husband watched the last 15 minutes of some sappy movie and i sat here and cried like a baby. hell i didn't even know the story line. i truly hate days like this. my pain levels are up and i feel like a paper thin pane of glass on the verge of breaking emotionally. it will last usually a couple of days and then it starts backing off a bit. the good thing is that i tell my family mommy is feeling fragile and they completely understand. they act completely normal but they are very soft and caring about it. the bad part is that we've got the nascar race at 2 p.m. and then the pay-per-view wrestling at 7:30 p.m. so they will all be here. i love these weekends and i hate the fact that i feel the way i do today when i have so few glorious moments like when ev1 comes over and we all spend the whole day together.

okay my pity party is done here. lol chia, just know that we all are likely feeling the same thing at different times. that's what makes this board and others like it so wonderful. we are all in the same boat and need each other and we know we will be there for each other. God bless and i do hope you get to feeling better, morgy porgy

p.s. i will through a happy prayer your way and you can throw one mine.

 
Old 10-28-2007, 06:24 AM   #8
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

I agree with the depression thing. I actually started prozac 2 weeks ago. Before prozac, I was sobbing. Now I feel like I am simply moving thru life. Maybe it is depression still. I will talk to my doctor tomorrow.

 
Old 10-28-2007, 07:26 AM   #9
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

I understand what you are talking about. I have felt this way for a long time. I have just started therapy for this and will be starting an anti depressant at some point. I did not realize, how "numb" I had become to the world around me. Chronic pain does a number on you. My doc has dx me with post tramatic stress ( which did suprise me a little ). Pepper, my heart goes out to you facing another back surgery. I have been told myself I am facing a couple more myself. Not something we ever want to hear. But I hope it takes away the pain you live in daily. I do understand the "numb" feeling, but I am trying really hard to pull myself out of this so I can be me again.

 
Old 10-28-2007, 07:50 AM   #10
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

That is interesting about the tramatic stress thing -- I had a nerve block done Sept 5th and have been in major pain since. I had a week afterwards where no one would perscribe pain meds to me. It was h*ll and to be honest I never felt this numbness until that happened. I wonder if it is related?

 
Old 10-28-2007, 10:59 AM   #11
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

evry block an epi i have had has caused evn more discomfort for about 4 or 5 days afterward, im usually given something xtra for pain aftr each procedure,

i find that lidoderm patches help some too

 
Old 10-30-2007, 05:35 AM   #12
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Thank all of you for your helpfull answers! I'll write more later today...I'm on my way to see my PC about my meds.

I'll keep you posted on the results!

All prayers are more than welcome! And, I hope all of you have a good day today!
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Old 10-31-2007, 11:10 AM   #13
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Ohhhh, how I can relate to you! I had my surgery 20 month ago and I leave with CP day after day. My Dr too told me I will be out and about in 6-8 weeks and even sent letter to my job (HR) about it. He told me that fusion surgeries have 95% sucsess rate, can you believe it? I trusted him so much at that time and never did my homework on it.
Well now I know that fusion surgeries have a very low sucess rate even the first once and more surgeries we have risk is higher but sucess even lower. I appreciate honesty of my second surgeon from HSS and Internet of course.
And it's so true: some days I am numb too mentally especialy. I try to talk myself into idea that this is how I will leave all my life since not much they can do anymore for me but what it does to my mind - can't even describe.
Because does not matter how much I try to convince myself, pain is pain and so hard to accept the fact that this is how quality of your life will be; I am 52 only! And how hard to accept that nothing much they can do for you!
How about loosing a job of your dream, loosing a good income since I can't work?
And every month more and more bad news healthwise?
So I understand where you coming from, my heart goes out to you.

Last edited by Moldova; 10-31-2007 at 11:12 AM.

 
Old 11-01-2007, 08:51 AM   #14
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Dear Moldova...

Thank you so much for your valuable input on this thing! My heart goes out to YOU, too, dear friend.

This has just totally trashed me mentally, too...we're in a neverending nightmare!!

I don't have children and I live alone. So, there is noone who cares about me....so I almost choke with lonliness and fear of being alone. So what is there for me to care about?? Nothing.

****, my mind is a mess right now!! Don't even need to comment on how I feel physically...couldn't describe it if I tried.

Love,
Ginny
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Old 11-01-2007, 12:53 PM   #15
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Re: Do you ever NOT KNOW how you REALLY FEEL??

Ginny,
I am so sad that you leave by yourself and nobody there for you... Do you have a friend maybe who would check on you? So important when you have a family member or a friend or co-worker who cares enough to call, come, etc. I can't even imagine how hard to go through everything alone...
I don't know where do you leave, but many places have support groups for people with Chronic Pain, many people attend it just to socialize.
But I am happy you find this board, people are wonderful, always here to help.
Remember: my heart is with you. And I hope they will find some way to help u to keep your pain under control.
Best wishes!!!

 
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