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Old 11-12-2007, 05:46 AM   #1
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Feel somewhat guilty and scared.

I have been on narco for about 10 months for bad bone pain. I am due to have surgery the end of this month and am hopeful that I will begin to feel better after that .Tell me why I feel so guilty for having to take these kinds of meds? I feel that maybe I am just not tough enough to handle it. There is such a stigma about the whole thing. The funny thing is, I have a great support system [my family] I am scared that maybe I will never get better and then what? People really take this stuff for the rest of their lives? The meds do make me feel better, but really tired. My quality of life has really been impared. Does anyone else feel this way or??????
georgi

 
Old 11-12-2007, 06:09 AM   #2
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ms_west HB User
Re: Feel somewhat guilty and scared.

Hi, I think you feelings are all very normal. I am fairly new to the pain management arena. I have taken meds off and on since 2004 but in September I went on narcotics 24/7. I really have felt very guilty for taking the meds and worry about my future. I too am undergoing surgery on the 28th and there is no guarantee with the surgery I am having that it will resolve my pain but I have to take the chance.

I am assuming you are in a similiar situation.

My personal opinion is that you need to do what you have to do to get by until the surgery, if it means taking the pills to control the pain, then do it. I pray the surgery fixes the pain issue, and if it doesn't worry about it after the surgery. Right now focus your energy on preparing for the surgery and getting thru the surgery. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

FYI - My meds do impair me but unfortunately it is what I have to do to get thru the day right now due to the high pain levels.

 
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:02 PM   #3
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Wink Re: Feel somewhat guilty and scared.

Georgi:
I too have some of the same feelings that you do. I become really depressed and anxious when I start to look forward to the future and think that I might have to be on these narcotic meds for the rest of my life. I am only 33 and I am on the fentanyl patch, along with ultram, lyrica, and acetminophen. I really just try to take one day at a time, sometimes even just 1 hour or 1 minute. I try to be grateful for the things that I still have and the things that I am still able to do. It does help to really think about all of the the things to be grateful for. I too have considered whether to have another surgery. However, only 1 of 4 surgeries have been successful. I don't even know if I could get a doctor to operate on me. I had a podiatrist, orthopedic surgeon, pain management doctor all say they would not do any more surgeries or invasive procedures. I say yeah but your not the one that's got to like with all this damn pain, taking meds, dealing with the side effects every day, every day. I have found support here on this message board. I think maybe by sharing and helping that it will benefit somebody else. Hope that lifts you up a little bit. Good luck with the surgery.

Brian

 
Old 11-13-2007, 07:58 PM   #4
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stepbystep89 HB Userstepbystep89 HB Userstepbystep89 HB Userstepbystep89 HB User
Re: Feel somewhat guilty and scared.

I share some of the same feelings you have.
Sometimes I feel guilty for taking the narcotics. It is not all the time, but every now and then the guilt creeps in. More often than the guilt, I feel ashamed. I know the meds or the pain doesn't mean I am a bad person, but sometimes I find myself not wanting to tell people I am on pain meds 24/7. I am afraid of what they are going to think of me. I even feel this way with people in the medical profession. I am afraid they are going to think I am a wimp, and I should not have to take these meds.
Depressions sets in when I start to wonder if I will ever be pain free. From 2000 to 8/06 I dealt with osteoarthritis in my right ankle. I took tramadol to make it through my daily activities. Finally, I had my ankle fused. I had hoped this would relieve all of my pain.
Well, as soon as I had the surgery I had problems with pain managment. I couldn't get the pain under control for several days while I was in the hosptial. Of course, the care I received was below standards and led to some of the problems I was having.
Next, I had a staph infection in my bone, which increased my pain for a couple of months. That was the worste pain I have ever imagined. It took over a week for the dr to diagnose the infection. They passed it off as a low tolerance to pain and nerve pain not controlled by narcotics.
Through the fusion process, my big toe went crooked. I could not walk right because I could not push off with my big toe. I walked with an impacted gait and my hip abductor was weak. Therefore, I had pain in my foot because it was out of alignment. My knee hurt because I walked funny and favored my bad leg. My right hip hurt because the hip abductor was weak after all of the crutches and cam walking boot. My lower back/hip is painful due to being laid up for 3 moths and walking with a limp.
Last week I had a bunionectomy to correct my gait. Of course, I had pain management problems, since I have been on hydromorphone for the last year. After "complaining" of pain for 3 days in the hospital, they finally changed the plan right before sending me home. I had been trying to make sure it was going to work before they sent me home.
I am hopeful that adjusting my toe will fix my problems about 75% of the days. Lately, after dealing with medical professionals who are not compassionate and a medical system that wants to give everyone a quick fix and assume that everyone reacts the same to procedures, I am hopeless again. Today I feel like it is unlikely that anything will help and unlikely that anyone in the medical field even believes that my pain is real. My injury and all subsequent surgeries have been covered by workers comp. It doesn't help matters much because when you are covered by work comp everyone assumes you are just trying to get disability.
I apologize this is such a negative post, but I am having a really "down" day.
I hope things get better for you.
Keep posting!
Step

 
Old 11-14-2007, 06:37 AM   #5
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Re: Feel somewhat guilty and scared.

I hate to see people so down on themselves about this! If you had cancer, diabetes, heart disease, or some other serious disease, would you feel so bad about yourself? Look, chronic pain is a serious disease. It effects your life as much as many of the diseases listed above. It is so shameful that we have to deal with medical professionals that don't have a clue, but that is NOT your fault!

You didn't chose this, and most of us wouldn't wish this on our worst enemy. Please, don't get sad when you are treated poorly, get MAD. You are a victim of a disease. You are not drug seekers, or malingerers. You would do anything to be "normal." But we're not, and it will NEVER be okay to treat us badly because we suffer from a disease. You are doing the best you can, and the only difference between you and a heart patient, is your med is for pain, not for heart disease. Did you make that discision? Should the heart patient feel guilty about taking their meds?

Don't buy into ignorance. Don't let anyone make you feel bad because you are treating your pain. No one should suffer, physically, and especially emotionally because they have an illness. Please, stand up and do not allow people to keep you down. This is not your fault, and you should not feel guilty for trying to gain the best quality of life you can achieve.

Gentle hugs to all of you!

Amanda

 
Old 11-15-2007, 05:46 AM   #6
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Re: Feel somewhat guilty and scared.

I have felt the exact same way. I even told one of my primarys office staff I felt embarrassed at the pharmacy because of all the meds that I have been through to try to control this pain, she said don't even think about it, just focus on getting control of the pain. Every new specialist I see I go through the same thing, feeling guilt or embarressment. It took the rehab. doc who is pretty much treating me for this now a few visits to see this pain can be unbearable, he saw that just trying to move or touch me is very painful at times, he could hardly find a location to inject because of the mucsle spasms, so now he treats me with alot more compassion, but I still feel guilty at times taking these meds. I have to see a new specialist and I dread it. Going to the pharmacy is the worst. I will say I am starting to get angry now that people have the audacity to judge when they are clueless as to what it is like to live in pain every single day & to loose your quality of everyday life. I am beginning to loose my patience with people like that & perhaps that is how it should be. I told my husband the next time I get an attitude from the pharmacist or anyone else I am going to tell them I truely hope they never have to go through this pain & if they do I hope they get more understanding then they are showing me. You & I & everyone else who suffers from CP do what we have to do to live our lives the best we can, it is not up to others to judge, & I would think a doctors job is to keep their patients out of pain. I am trying to change the way I think, it is hard, but I hope you can do the same. Good luck, Sammy

 
Old 11-16-2007, 11:29 AM   #7
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georgi HB User
Re: Feel somewhat guilty and scared.

Thank you all for responding to my post. It sure helps to know that I am not alone in my thinking. I do know that I need to get a grip on my situation. I feel that I need to tell the pharmacist why I need the narco. I am always trying to justify my medications. I never thought I'd be going through this.
Thanks again,
georgi

 
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