Looks like way too many of us are hurting more than normal.
I just need your support.
My pain level has been steadily rising for a number of days now. I'm hoping it's just temporary. This is bone-on-bone pain, rather than muscle pain. It's the harder of the two kinds of pain to deal with as it's very sharp and stabbing. I need new knees but I don't want to go through what it takes to get them.
I feel bad about posting because Diet and Chrissy are in so much more pain than I. And I can find comfortable positions most of the time. I just have great trouble getting around, and the pain is keeping me up at night. I hate to blow through BT meds at night so I try real hard to sleep through it. But that's been impossible lately.
I hate to say it but when the consquences (bad pain) get great enough, you will do something about it. I think you are really at the point where you NEED to get the surgery and get your knees replaced. I know you have been through alot lately, especially about finding the tumor, but the time has come where a decision needs to be made. I am not trying to be mean but merely looking at it from my point of view. If the surgery(knee replacement), could help alot with the pain, then why wait? I am sure you have your reasons but you need to THINK ABOUT YOURSELF FIRST. You need to put yourself, and your needs first. I know just how difficult this can be. I hate knowing that you are in this bad pain. Please take the BT meds if it helps with the pain. I know you don't wan to blow through them, but that is what they are there for, for increaed BT pain. Stop trying to be tough guy and endure the pain, when this just can not be done at this point.
Have you talked to your PM doc about this? Are you pretty much at the point where they are telling you to get the knee replacement and that's all that can be done? I am just wondering in order to give you some advice. I'm barely hanging on at the moment but I will be praying for you as well.
As other board members have told me in the past, don't belittle your own pain just because another poster's pain seems bigger than your own. I, too, often hesitate to post because I think my pain issues pale in comparison to the threads I read from other members. But that doesn't mean I'm not suffering greatly, and that goes for you as well.
I am very sorry to hear you are feeling so much pain. I wish I could offer you something other than my concern, prayers and virtual hugs... Is there anything you can do to help yourself sleep more? Sleep seems to be the best for all of us CPer's, but it is so hard to come by when the pain is at its most intense.
Know that I am feeling much like you, but my pain doesn't begin to compare with yours. I don't know what's going on with members, but it seems as though a black cloud is hovering over us. I know it will pass, and we will see better days ahead. I pray you get some relief soon!
Steve...First let me say I am sorry you are hurting so much right now. I knew something was off the last couple of days. I don't know what, exactly, but you haven't seemed yourself. Please don't think your pain is any less than anyone here. We all have our limits. And sometimes those limits may not include a trip to the ER or an urgent visit to the doctor's office. Everyone's pain is equally important.
That being said, I am now going to turn into who my husband calls Triple M. (Since none of you knows my actual name, you are about to find out) Triple M stands for Mean Mary Margaret. (told you I was Irish)
Please try not be mad at her. She just can't stand to see any of her friends here, suffering. It's time to listen to your body. I think it's trying to tell you something right now. Your knees aren't going to last much longer, if you don't do something soon. Is it total knee replacement you're looking at? For both? I know you went through this before, when you were younger, but there are newer and better options now. What is holding you back? Is it the thought of being out of work? Or just the whole idea of going through it again?
Please pay attention to what your body is telling you. And in the meantime, please take your meds. None of us is superman or superwoman. If you need them, take them. Would you have advised Pepper not to take her pain meds? Or Moldova not to have gone to the ER? Or me to ignore my blood pressure? I know the answer to that. So, I'm asking you to listen to yourself as if you were one of us.
Sorry if Triple M was too harsh. I hope you know I would never say anything to hurt you. I'm just concerned. That's all. I will pray for you, as always, and ask for healing and comfort from the pain. I hope you will take good care of yourself. I know it has to be first in your family's wishes. If you're mad at me, I understand. I just had to say what I felt. Please don't stay mad too long.
As like others have said your so not alone. My back has been giving me fits to the high heavens. I thank God that my PM doc is so considerate and really listens to me. He upped my meds again last month. Ive also been getting these debilitating headaches and honestly feel like crying at times. Hang in there buddy and I'll be praying for ya!
First off, I want to say I feel terrible that you would even consider for one moment not posting because of my pain or Chrissy's or anyone elses for that matter. This board is for chronic pain support. Do you think there is more than just Chrissy or I suffering? No, there is a ton of people suffering on this board right now. Some of us are a little more verbal about it then others (Sorry about that!) and then there are others that suffer in silence. I pray that anyone who is suffering today will step forward for the comfort and prayer that they need.
Steve, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. If it is to much please I encourage you to pick up your phone and communicate that to your doctor. God Bless.
And Steve be careful I think between Mean Mary Margaret and Jill's Ella (IBAKE&PRAY's Walker) you had better duck fast. LOL
...And Steve be careful I think between Mean Mary Margaret and Jill's Ella (IBAKE&PRAY's Walker) you had better duck fast. LOL...
I think "duck and cover" may be the theme for today.
I appreciate everyone's support, admonition, etc. All of it. Over time you will all learn that I just don't get angry, so please don't ever worry about that, even if you feel compelled to post something "hard." Those rare times when I do get angry it lasts literally nanoseconds.
Regarding surgery - There are a few things keeping me from the knife. One is the nature of total knee replacement (TKR) and how long the hardware lasts before revisions are required. The latest news says that you can expect a TKR to last between 5-15 years, usually closer to the lower number if one is active. In addition, they are really only confident with one replacement and one revision. After that, the ability to provide purchase in the bones, so the replacement hardware can hold, becomes degraded. So my doc and I are calculating these numbers and limitations, life expectancy and current age. The results tell us that I need to wait longer before the first replacement. Probably 3-5 years at the earliest. One of the biggest issues is how I work out and its potential effect on TKRs. I've never shared this before because I've feared backlash from those who are in so much more pain, and so limited in ambulation, that they might feel that if I can do such things I must not be that bad off (I know, I should never fail to share for fears like this - I can already hear Mean Mary Margaret spooling up). I play table tennis as a sport. In college I represented my school throughout the state in tournaments. After last year's heart failure episode, and all the weight I lost, I was able to return to the table. This sport is very, very demanding on the knees when played at a high level, very high impact. Those that perform TKRs aren't sure that one with a knee replacement could even continue to play this sport at this level. You need to know that with everything I've been through, there's very little that excites or pleases me any more. My level of enjoyment from life has been reduced to a very base level - I just don't expect much from anyone or anything any more. There have just been too many disappointments. But I absolutely love this sport. Next to my kids and my faith, this is what keeps me going. I can't even conceive of losing my table tennis. I play in pain. Lots and lots of pain. And when I finish playing I can no longer walk for a good long time. Since I play during the week, on weekends and evenings I do nothing but recover. The pain before playing is awful, afterwards I just have to take things minute by minute. Sure, I could stop playing, but that's just not going to happen. I don't play nearly as hard as I could because of the pain. I rest much more than the others I play with. If it hurts too much I stop.
The final issue has to do with me ever going into a hospital again unless I'm dragged in kickin' and screamin'. Heck, I know the medical and surgical floor nurses by name. I can't even stand to visit folks until they come home. The smell of a hospital makes me gag. As much pain as I may suffer now, or even further out in the near future, I am simply not inclined to be admitted any time soon.
Taking everything into consideration it's just not time yet for knee replacements.
But the time will come, of that I'm sure. Especially if pain brings an end to my table tennis. Which I fear is closer than I want to admit. I realize that through TKR I could be much more pain free (in the knees), but for now I'm willing to suffer through it. That's another reason I hesitate to post about increased pain, because I could have the surgery. However, as closely as my quality of life is linked to my table tennis, I choose the pain - for now.
The other condition that causes me pain are two abdominal issues. One is irritable bowel and the other is Celiac disease. I had no idea that IB could be so painful. Painful enough to require strong meds. If memory serves, isn't Conductor also suffering from IB? Maybe it's someone else. Anyway, there's the IB and the Celiac. So long as I've been able to completely avoid gluten then I experience little pain from Celiac disease. But, tie into even a little gluten and that all changes. It can be very painful. Even with a knee replacement I'd still be suffering from chronic pain.
I've been way too wordy here, but I wanted to explain things, given the questions raised about knee surgery. I hope you all understand. I'm sure Izzy'sMom can understand about the sports. When you love something that much you'll endure a lot of discomfort for it.
That's it for now. I don't hear any incoming from Mean Mary Margaret, but I've got my Patriot Missiles lined-up just in case.
LOL...Steve, Pepper is right.
I'll have to get Ella out and come and get you. And seeing you need both knees done you'll be an easy target for Ella to catch!
In all seriousness. I know that knee replacement is not to be taken lightly and that is one of the most painful sugeries there is. I also know that there have been such advances made in the past couple years that you will be surprised at how fast you will be back dancing on your toes! My therapist told me one of the best things they do now is to put knee patients in therapy for a few weeks before the have surgery to help strengthen and prepare the knee for what is coming. The healing is already started before the surgery and the patients come through much better.
You offer so much to so many, how can you think that you can't bring this pain to the board? That is a selfish thing to say. What you are saying is that you can give advice, but you can't take it? tsk tsk. This is a give AND take place. I don't often feel I can give, but I listen and read alot. YOU, on the other hand, always have the knowledge to give...now lets see if you have courage to take. Please take the advice everyone is giving you. Gather up the prayers and thoughts and wishes and advice, hold them close and get better and get fixed and well. And I'm sorry if I sounded cross. I don't sugar coat things too well some times. Must be my "old age."
Steve.....I am so glad to hear your response. I admit, I was a little worried that Mean Mary Margaret and I may have been too harsh or overstepped a few boundries. It's good to know you are not mad at us.
I never want you to think that I have anything in mind, other than your physical and emotional well being. I really care about you, as well as my whole PM family, with my very heart and soul. You all mean the world to me. And I hurt when you hurt.
That being said, I just want to say that I totally understand why you hold on to what you love and have nothing but respect and admiration for you for doing so. We all need something in our otherwise pain filled, misunderstood and sometimes depressed lives, that we can cling to. Even aside from our loved ones and our faith. That is why I still have up to 30 people at my house for most major holidays, cookouts, birthdays, etc. It is what I love to do and how I show my love and affection to the most important people in my life. And at the risk of sounding conceited, I'm darn good at it.
Please know that I would never do or say anything to deliberately hurt you. I just can't stand to see any of the people I care about, in pain. I want you to know I support you 100%, and will continue to do so, as long as I am here on the boards. (which will be a long time) You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you freedom from the pain and all that comes with it. You are my friend, and always will be. God Bless you. cmpgirl & Triple M
I know exactly how you feel when you write that it hurts you when those you care about are hurting. I feel the same way. It hit me today with Jon's post and Diet's post too. As a matter of fact, Chrissy also. All three are really hurting. And there are more, too numerous to mention struggling so hard right now. Why is it happening to us all at the same time? Spring time s/b full of hope and lightness of spirit, not pain and depression. This needs to change.
Irish, eh? Kinda funny, but I had you pegged as a brunette. Maybe you are, but now I suspect more blonde or redhead? We have loads of Irish as well. My great-grandfather on my Mom's side immigrated here from Ireland during the potato famine. So, we're all a little Irish, and it comes from my Dad's side too. That makes me dirty blonde and my son is a redhead, or as he calls it strawberry blonde.
Your adeptness with feasts does not come as a surprise however. I can easily see that. You must have to spend a good deal of time recovering when the holiday is finally over, eh? Gotta be hard. But I know for me that the love overcomes the pain most times.
I am indeed brunette (with some red highlights, of course) but in recent years, thanks to L'Oreal, I am "dark blonde #7". Blue eyes too. Dad was brunette, mom was gorgeous auburn, and my brother carrot red as a child and now strawberry, amidst the silver threads. My daughters, both inherited my hair color and texture, but my Emma (now in heaven) had a bit more blonde from her dad.
I'm not really sure what's happening either.....I've certainly been feeling it myself, but I guess the knowledge that my PM is going to take care of this for me, and the fact that I've been at this for a long while, makes me less vocal when I am having added pain or reduced pain coverage. It is such a blessing to know that your PM has your back, so to speak. He is truly a Godsend and I will never take him for granted.
I wish I could whip up a feast for all of my friends here. I'd be more than happy to host a CP convention in my pretty little city. But, I think, unfortunately it would be very hard to organize around such a broad range of schedules and locations. It is a pleasant thought though.
Please take care right now. If you need your meds, or if you need more, for now, please don't hold back. You deserve to have some relief. I'll be praying for some peace and relief for all of us. God Bless, cmp/MMM
Last edited by cmpgirl; 05-07-2008 at 01:40 PM.