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Old 04-05-2009, 11:58 AM   #1
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reluctrukstpr HB User
Question CP & no Support from family


I've had severe chronic pain for 2 1/2 yr. My adult children are strongly against use of any pain meds (opiates), and have labeled me a "Drug Addict". I've tried to explain to them the difference between drug misuse and the dependancy that occurs when one is on prescription pain meds for an extended time. At one time my Dear Sister decided to take me off Fentanyl Patch cold turkey, I was on 125. Of course I went into full blown
withdrawals. She called all the family and everyone stood around my bed with big wide eyes focused on my tears, jerking, begging for help etc..., Proof Possitive that I am a Drug Addict indeed.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of emotional abuse from their loved ones??? Why can't I just let it go? I know I'm not doing anything harmful.
I have lots of pain meds, but I am diligent about safe, use and keeping my
dosing to a minimum.

Thax 4 letting me VENT.........

 
Old 04-05-2009, 12:28 PM   #2
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ozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB User
Re: CP & no Support from family

I think most, if not all of us have had to endure these unfounded assumptions regarding our character. Many of us, yes, even from family members. I'm one of them. I found out my family members were saying some truly hurtful things about me behind my back and I still feel the pain of those words.

I don't abuse my meds, am never loopy/drugged and go to work every day. I am an involved mom, wife, and part business owner with my husband and never once have my medications interfered with my productivity. My pain however (prior to pain management, and still sometimes now) HAS interfered with my dailly ability to function.

I have had to defend myself regarding my medication, and finally simply had to tell my family that they need to come to me directly and ask questions instead of forming false assumptions behind my back. Now, I simply don't really even talk with my family about my medications because really, it's none of their business.

Add to this hurt the fact the I have a brother in law that is an alocoholic and was just accepted into pain management. He takes WAY too many meds and drinks the entire time he takes these meds, and he is on some high powered opioids. My family thinks it's really funny and cute when he can hardly talk, walk, and slurrs his speech.

Anyway, back to your post. Sorry I ranted there for a moment.

As far as your situation goes, I will give you the comparison I've given others. All your family members who have labeled you an addict need to get this straight:

If they have surgery, or fall down and break a bone, they go to the hospital and are given pain meds to ease their pain during healing, right? Well, they take those meds because they don't want to hurt. I'm sure they wouldn't say, "Oh no thank you, I'm ok with the pain....I'll just deal with it." No WAY!! They are going to want those pain meds and will be upset if they don't get them, and even more upset if those meds don't take all their pain away. Chances are, they will complain about how bad they are still hurting.

Huge difference here is that their pain is "acute", or short lived pain. They know that in a few days, they will wake up and not hurt anymore.

On the other hand, you, me and the other CP'ers here don't have the luxury of knowing that in a couple days our pain will be gone. We hurt every day. We go to bed EVERY night knowing that tomorrow morning, when we wake up we will STILL be in pain. So, since our pain isn't accute/short term pain, we are unfortunate enough to have long term intractable pain that just isn't going to go away. Because of this, we need to take medications daily if we want to live some kind of normal life.

I think people fail to realize that even with our meds, we still have some level of pain. Without my meds, my pain levels were at 7-8, with medications and my other modalities, my daily pain levels are usually about 3-4. On the really good days my pain levels hover around 2.

Having said all this (sorry it's so long), no matter how responsible you are with your medications some people are going to think what they want regardless.

My PM doctor actually encourages his patients to bring a family member in to appointments- especially the ones who don't understand the difference between dependance and addiction. You might consider this.

I'm sorry you are going through this because it really stinks to have anyone- especially family make these kinds of assumptions when all you are trying to do is lead some kind of normal, productive life.

Last edited by ozzybug; 04-05-2009 at 12:32 PM.

 
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Old 04-06-2009, 01:15 AM   #3
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Re: CP & no Support from family

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's so cruel. You aren't alone in this. Family especially can be very judgemental which is the opposite of how it should be. My mother, who I'm very close to, called me a drug addict once (because she was angry and I guess we say the things that hurt when we are) and it cut me to the core. I couldn't let it go for a while but she's very supportive in other ways so I've put it out of my mind.
My partner's family, on the other hand, can be a bunch of awful gossips and they've said some awful things about me behind my back. The joke of it is they've never asked me a single thing about my pain, my operations, anything. They don't know anything about me. My partner told them about my meds and has regretted it ever since.
My suggestion is a bit different from Ozzybug's but that's ok, different things will work for different people.
I would simply tell your family (except your husband, I guess) that you are dealing with your pain in other ways and taking non-narcotic meds now. I would just hide it from them. I have done this with everyone except my mother and my partner because I hate being talked about in an ignorant manner behind my back. Also, as I know that my partner's family gossip, I worry that others will find out and possibly rob me for my meds or work mates etc might find out. My business is my business and it's sad but hey, that's life sometimes.
Venting is great, that's what we're here for. You'll get lots of really helpful suggestions and support here. Take care and keep in touch

 
Old 04-06-2009, 01:39 AM   #4
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reluctrukstpr HB User
Talking Re: CP & no Support from family

[QUOTE=Juliet31;3946541]
I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's so cruel.
I would simply tell your family (except your husband, I guess) that you are dealing with your pain in other ways and taking non-narcotic meds now. I would just hide it from them.

Thanx 4 ur kind remarks. Ur right You don't have to tell people everything. My

husband has been very understanding through this. He knows that I always prefer to have some residual pain rather than take the chance of being loopy.

 
Old 04-06-2009, 07:26 AM   #5
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Re: CP & no Support from family

It's very unfortunate that you are getting such little support and that it even has gotten to the level of them degrading you.

My family and friends have been mostly supportive, but I remember going to my place of work (I have been out on long-term disability for months now due to 2 back surgeries) and being asked right away if I was taking narcotics by my coworkers. I said yes and they flipped out and told me I am an addict. I took the opportunity to educate them about chronic pain and how very few people who are taking narcotics are taking them to get high and that narcotics help a lot of people not be tortured by the pain. These are people who have only heard about the negative stigmas but have never seen the very positive side of what narcotics can do for people in severe chronic pain.

Is there any chance you could help educate them or are they completely closed-minded?

 
Old 04-06-2009, 11:49 AM   #6
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Re: CP & no Support from family

I would stay away from your sister.

 
Old 04-06-2009, 07:40 PM   #7
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reluctrukstpr HB User
Re: CP & no Support from family

What Sister??? LOL

 
Old 04-07-2009, 12:07 PM   #8
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Re: CP & no Support from family

The best thing I ever did for myself (besides getting to a good pain doctor) is getting the help from a pain/addiction psychologist. I was fearful of the whole addiction thing and even some of my back surgeons "warned" me of taking too much narcotic medication. Anyway, my psychologist has given me my life back (I used to lie on the couch in pain because i was fearful to take my meds). Is there anyway you could get yourself to a trained professional like mine, who can talk to your family for you. I know mine wouldn't have any problem AT ALL about kicking my families butt in gear.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I have enough internal struggle on my own about my meds without adding more from my family. I am very fortunate that mine are all very supportive of me.

Best of luck to you!
10sox

 
Old 04-07-2009, 04:15 PM   #9
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IZZY'SMOM HB User
Re: CP & no Support from family

Quote:
Originally Posted by reluctrukstpr View Post
What Sister??? LOL
At one time my Dear Sister decided to take me off Fentanyl Patch cold turkey, I was on 125. Of course I went into full blown
withdrawals. She called all the family and everyone stood around my bed with big wide eyes focused on my tears, jerking, begging for help etc..., Proof Possitive that I am a Drug Addict indeed.



The one who took you off of the patch and left you there to suffer in front of everyone. Or did we miss something?

Last edited by IZZY'SMOM; 04-07-2009 at 04:17 PM.

 
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