Am I the only one who feels guilty about having to go to my doctor with yet another problem?
I have hypertension, which is treated with a pill, depression/anxiety which is treated with nortriptyline and an accasional diazepam tablet, and a chronic pain condition that is treated with tramadol and diclofenac.
If i get sick and feel the need to see my doctor, I always have in the back of my mnd that he will see me and think "oh god, whats this hypochondriac complaining about now"
He never gives me that impression - its just somthing I feel, I guess guilt that I have all these issues.
So, last month when I had tonsilitis, I went to a walk in clinic. It was like a production line, very impersonal medicine, but it got me the penicillin I needed and I didnt have to bother my fantastic doctor with trivia.
The desire to take medicines is what seperates man from the lower animals - William Ostler
you are definitely not alone on that! I feel like I have to space apart my appointments and bring up another issue bit by bit. If I had to be there for all of my aches and pains it would be at least an hour long consultation! Good thing is several of my issues I go to specialists instead of my family physician. Still, I feel like I'm falling apart way to young.. geesh.
Since my back problems started after giving birth to my son, five years ago, this is my medical history (almost i cannot believe it)
TWO back surgeries (hosptialized)
Lumbar Puncture that resulted in spinal headache (hospitalized)
MRI brain scan due to symptoms that later was found to be from back meds
Sent to Neurologist to manage above symptoms
Hysterectomy, bladder surgery included (hospitalized several days)
TWO ER visits 3 months after hysterectomy for severe pain. CT scan done.
ER found nothing, had to then go to my OBGYN ....Pain was found to be from torqued ovary due to cyst, Surgery to remove ovary was done
I am sure I could think of more, but I had no sleep last night and cannot not think cleary. I fear doctor are going to label me as "that patient"....arghhh
Join the club. Several years ago someone said that I note the passing of time in relation to my illnesses and injuries. That about summed it up. I too used to be embaressed about telling my doctor what was wrong with me. I don't know if it's old age or what but I've gotten to the point where my health is what it is. I know that I live the best life that I can. Do I always eat right? No. Am I overweight? Yes, Obese? No.
I've learned to count my blessings and just accept my illnesses and injuries as part of life.
There's an old Irish story about a group of people that were complaining and complaining about life. God gathered them into a circle and let them tell their tales of woe one at a time. After they told their tale they put their troubles into the middle of the circle. When everyone had finished, God told the people that they could take any troubles they wanted. Every one of them took their own troubles back.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing.
I'm doing quite well actualy - my chronic pain isnt too bad, the tramadol and diclofenac keep it under control, with acetaminophen/codeine when i need it. I am in a fortunate position compared to many chronic pain sufferers.
The nortriptyline keps my depression totaly at bay, and i need to take a Valium maybe once a month for anxeity.
I grew up in one of those repressed families where you never showed emotion, never admitted pain or illness - where taking 2 aspirins for a headache was an indication of a serious character flaw, and where taking a day off of work because you were sick would only be acceptable if you have pneumonia or plague!
On the subject of tonsilitis, a few years ago i was working in a very remote part of australia, where there was no doctor, only a public health nurse about an hour away down a rough dirt road..... got tonsilitis, went to see her, she said i needed penicillin, and went to get it..... insted of returning with tablets, she had 2 syringes which looked like they were meant for a horse.... my god, I couldnt sit down for 3 days!
The desire to take medicines is what seperates man from the lower animals - William Ostler
hey jon, believe me with all the crappy stuff i have had to deal with, mostly all since 99 for some sick reason, i too can relate to what you are feeling. but what you mentioned about having to actually kind of "repress' yourself growing up, wow, that was my hubby caused by his dad to a freaking T there too. this eventually created big issues with our relationship since whenever we had issues that just HAD to be discussed, he just wouldn't open up and just talk? i eventually realized that he simply 'couldn't' really talk about his more inner feelings since he never truely learned how in that envionment?
but the hugest thing that i have found in living my life, having different types of relationships with various people like freinds, my sister is a biggie here since she IS like my hubby too, but even watching other peoples situations and our relationships with our docs, everything that went wrong or just became problematic for some reason, it ALL came down to a total breakdown in what is just a very basic thing we have the ability to do, communicate.
when we simply don't or actually cannot really communicate our feelings to other people to just discuss problems or what we are feeling, it creates alot of assumptions, presumptions and alot of resentments eventually build up ONLY becasue no one is really expressing their 'real' true feelings to another person in ANY type of real relationship we can possibly even have? it sounds soo freaking basic and simple but alot of people, if they just opened up and were able to actually tell the other person in that relationship what they are REALLY thinking or feeling about certain things, ALOT of bigger issues would never ever begin to be an issue down the road, ya know what i mean? communication with others is just ALOT more crucial i think than even i truely realized til my own marriage was in a crisis becasue it was not being done. i can communicate with others but my hubby, up til he actually went to a therepist for badly needed help, simply couldn't, he wanted to, but i did not realize til then he simply did not really know how. believe me, before i realized this i carried a TON of real solid resentments towards him thinking(only becasue i never asked him)that he simply did not care enough to want to try? when i was not really aware of just how HE was raised with his dad telling him to just kind of suck things up, big boys don't cry, and of course never ever voice you true feelings thats a sign of weakness. unbelievable what some kids get told and then believe so they never even get the chance to truely learn the bascis of what you just need in life to even have any really healthy strong types of realationships along the way. communication.
honestly jon, if you are actually feeling this way, you already know the underlying reason, so why not tell your doc what you feel the next time you are forced to have to go in to see him with yet another 'thing'? it most certainly would make YOU feel alot better, that i do KNOW. ya gotta remember here, this IS only something you are thinking(only based upon what you were merely "led" to believe in your childhood environment) that is placing any real thoughts of guilt in your head and you are 'percieving' something that you think is actually in your docs head here, ya know? just bring that out in some way when you see your doc. to actually think you had to go somewhere other than where you actually knew you could find the BEST help with the doc who knows you and your history the best, you went somewhere else. not becasue you HAD to but because of ONLY something you felt and placed in your docs head. think about how treuly extreme that just was? you simply have to break that cycle and move on from there. the more you keep just doing this kind of stuff, the more it becomes your 'normal' kind of thing?
unbelievably, with the help of the therepist my hubby saw, he is a new person. we now actually TALK about stuff that he just could not voice before that. you just really do need to try as much as possible jon to also "break' what was actually the "normal' in your home growing up too. just start telling people stuff a little more often. trust me, when we do not voice our true feelings about anything we feel strongly about to the other person in any real relationship, it can lead to sooo much real resentments along the way. people don't actually know why the other person is just doing what they are doing, they just start "percieving" things according to what 'they feel' from you. assumptions about people are never a good thing. finding out the realitys usually is a much better thing to do in the longer run. just speak up to your doc jon, it WILL not only help you with what you are very strongly percieving here and probably make a much stronger trusting relationship with your doc too? just stuff i learned along the way jon that i thought might help you with this. good luck jon, marcia
11-20-01,placement of hardware for failed fusion
9-22-03,removal of cavernous hemangioma that was inside spinal cord. Neuro damage to L hand L leg and R leg.