Disavowed

I think the fact that you are concerned will speak to the fact that you will be vigilant about your med use...I too am concerned about taking ultram..I have been on pain meds since 2000...and it does concern me..but I had reached a point where I saw the quality of life seriously been affected...so I made the decision to be careful of meds, but at the same time, not let the pain I was in cause me to miss out on too much of the life going on around me...it was a dawning moment for me, because my father had an addiction to alcohol, and then he became addicted to some meds he was on later in life....so I was afraid and am afraid...but I had to ask myself what was most important at the time of my life that I was going to PM dr and being on pain meds...and obviously, I wanted to keep my job, which by the way, I no longer have...but I did try to keep it...and I wanted to enjoy my life and stay active.....the pain then was in my bladder but has moved to my back muscle...can't figure out why this happened, but I do know that without something to curb the pain, I would be consumed with it...my first PM dr told me that dealing with pain can actually make a person go "crazy"...what he meant was it will change everything about you, how you deal with family, friends, how you approach problems in life, and how you are able to cope with them..he understood what many drs don't want to deal with....so I decided to take the pain meds, be cautious, do the things I needed to do to try to get away from them one day....and then deal with any kind of addiction (if it happened) at the time when necessary...I figured that if the time came for me to go off the meds, i would be so happy about the pain not being around, that I would gladly go through some withdrawal...but, I always knew that when and if that time came, I would not do it alone...I would advise my doctor that this is something I am doing, and I may need help with it...and explore what types of help is available....I am not a martyr....but, the other side of the coin is of course a true addiction, where even when pain subsides, the person on the med does not want to go off....that is when it gets scary....I don't see myself being that way because I am too concerned about what pain meds do to the internal organs etc....the sooner I can be off of them, the better, however, I recognize that I have to live in the here and now....because you are concerned, maybe that is a good sign that you will always be concerned and not let things get out of hand...it is a valid concern though...and I am like you...I asked myself what kind of addictions I have had in my life....I came up with none...but you mentioned food as an addiction for you...and I wonder if it would not be a different type of addiction than a pain med....I guess I would wonder because wouldn't a medication cause a different affect in the brain than food?? sort of a chemical affect more so than food? just a thought....maybe there is someone who knows more on the subject.....but whatever happens, remember that you have to live in this moment...especially when you have a family...they want their wife and mom to be as normal as possible....and sometimes that is the only way a person dealing with chronic pain can be close to normal...when they are on a med that can curb their pain....good luck...