My Life & Pain - Pain Management Message Board

Mugure27 · 10-26-2003, 03:37 PM

Hi Everyone, just wanted to know if anyone out there experiences severe depression due to Chronic Pain and Medications. I feel like my life is over at 35 and life does not hold the same promise as it once did.
I want to have a day where there is no pain and no medications. I am usually in the ER once a month not to mention that I am constantly on the phone with my PM Docs office they now know my voice. I just do not seem to be getting better and my Doc has said this might be with me for life. I have included my medical history below:
1997 Miscarriage
1997-2001 Numerous Infertility Treatments
Oct 2001 Exploritory Laparscopy
Nov 2001 Myomectomy to remove Fibroids
Apr 2002 Laparoscopy to unblock tubes and remove scar tissue due to Pain
In the ER less than two weeks later in excruciating pain. Found Ovarian Cyst.
May 2002 In a car accident, hospitalized for Lacerated liver, nearly split it in two. Bleeding discovered a week after accident and so too weak to undergo surgery due to blood loss. Have two other procedures to stop bleeding.
Aug 2002 Gall bladder removed due to sludge from bleeding liver
Oct 2002 Laparotomy to remove ovarian cyst and scar tissue
Dec 2002 Surgery to remove breast lump
Jan 2003 Hospitalized after procedure goes wrong and I get infection, put on intravenous Antibiotics both at hospital and home.
May 2003 Laparoscopy to remove Left tube and Ovary
June 2003 Diagnosed with Chronic Pain and severe depression after I expressed a want to just die
Current 2003 Still in Pain everyday at least in the ER once a month for pain. On antidepressants and therapy for depression

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MG

avogadro · 10-26-2003, 03:55 PM

Mugure27,

Welcome to the board! You will find a lot of support, help and advice here.

I wish I could say something that would take all the pain away and make everything better.

I know that most of us have had to deal with the depression that comes with chronic pain. I know that personally, I feel like a 30 year old trapped in an 80 year old body. It is hard to accept that I was fine until my car accident and then those 5 seconds changed my life.

I don't know if this will help. And, please, do not take this as being in-compassionate or anything like that. This is just what I TRY to think about....

When I am feeling down, I try to remember that there are SO many people who would trade lives with me in a heartbeat. I have a nice home, a wonderful family, a healthy child, a job that pays the bills. I try to think about the people that are homeless, that are addicted to alcohol and drugs, that have just found out their 5 year old has leukemia.... and then I know that they would give ANYTHING to trade problems with me.

Like I said, these are just my thoughts. This does not always work for me. There are still days where I feel very down. There are still days where I wish my son had a father, where I wish I had a house with a back-yard for him, where I didn't hate going to work every day and where I DIDN'T WAKE UP IN PAIN every morning.

But, I do have to try and count my blessings. And, have hope that eventually, the doctors will make (at least this one thing) better!

Again, welcome to the board and you will find a lot of love and support here. Let us know how you are doing!

Oh, and by the way, the fact that you are on medicationa and in therapy for your depression is great news. You are recognizing the problem and getting help, that is probably the most important fact of all!

AV

[This message has been edited by avogadro (edited 10-26-2003).]

[This message has been edited by avogadro (edited 10-26-2003).]

dwpavlik · 10-26-2003, 08:50 PM

Hello
Glad to hear that you came to the boards. There are many people that can relate. The pain and medicines can be a ride through life that is frightening. I had tonight a sensation that I was getting anxious, freaking out sensations. Since I do not do this in my life I am one that will not accept it. It is from my medicines. So I took my Valium and it helped calm it down. I have pain in my thighs that burn every time I walk. It burns so bad that I feel I can cut the flesh of with a knife to remove the painful muscle and it would not hurt me to do it. I have jabbing pain in my bones, with continuous bone aching. I have back soreness that aches so much that I can not stand up and that drains me. My shoulder joints have so much pain that I can not raise my arms up to use them. It is even hard to type. I can not walk normally due to my hips they have so much pain it puts me into tears if I even walk the wrong way. I have stomach pains that bend me over. If my shins are even touched I go into pain attacks,. My feet can not be touched. My walking is impaired so I can not walk long or normally. I have scarred lungs from Tuberculosis. I can not breathe normal breaths due to the scars. My eyes ache from the laser and detached vitreous in my left eye. There is obstruction in that eye that blocks my vision because it floats into my vision My right eye aches on occasion from laser work from being vitrectomised, and from having it removed and spot frozen before they put it back into my skull.. I get bone pain shooting on occasion that is so intense that I find myself screaming out from it.

Now the purpose of this is simply to back up the previous writer’s statement. There are so many of my friends that have so much worse to go through in life. Things that make me cringe. I feel I could never handle the burdens they have. So I pray for them and do all I can to focus on helping others. This has helped keep my mind off of myself. It works great. As long as I keep the “I” focus out of the day. I get along well and I accomplish a lot. There is in NO way diminishing anyone’s personal problems. I have several other disease problems on top of the ones mentioned. The point is keeping my mind off of myself as much as possible. This has helped me a lot. I hope this is seen as the focus of this letter. It really works for countering the depression and with the pan that seems to never get under control. This board is very helpful. I could never handle what you all have to deal with. I am greatly humbled at all of your needs.
Sorry fir the length.
Don

Mo7609 · 10-29-2003, 07:17 AM

Hi MG,
Just saw this post and today and I can totally relate. It is very common for us CP Patients to feel depressed which is why my Dr put me on an antidepressant. It has helped a great deal in the depression now if we could only find a way to fix the pain life would be grand! I hear you though; everyone at the Drs office knows me and I know them. I am there so much it is almost funny. Thank God that they are some of the most caring people out there in the medical field! I too feel like even though I am 33 I feel about 80! I can't imagine what I will feel like when I really am that old! Well take care of yourself and I hope that things get better for you. Keep posting and you will find that this board is great therapy with alot of caring people and support!

Mo

paininjaa · 10-29-2003, 07:57 PM

Hi. I am sorry to hear you have been through so much at just 35. I am only 27 and I am also a chronic pain and depression sufferer. Yes I definetely think that depression is a major side affect of chronic pain. I have had TMJ and arthritis in my jaw since 1996 (I was 19) and have been depressed ever since. I have lost two children, and have two wonderful boys and a great husband now. I have to take pain medicine everyday of my life, just to stay normal and be able to work and be a mother to my fullest extent. I hate it!! I feel like my whole life depends on this bottle of pills, and it somewhat rules me. I am not a drug addict or junkie by any means, but my body is physically and somewhat mentally dependent on these drugs. Its a horrible feeling. I totally know what you mean, when you say you want a day when you don't have pain or meds. Good luck to you, and hang in there!! I wish I could say it only gets better...I'll pray for you...

Leslie