The quest for happiness and stability continues....
30mgs of Cymbalta was okay for a few weeks, cleared out the cobwebs a bit but still came up short actually helping to relieve any of my issues (GAD, Depression, Social Phobia, Low Energy). Ticking up to 60mgs just seemed to tip the Ol' Apple Cart, splat.... I got the Effexor 'Zaps', twitches like crazy, hands shaking, weird dreams, every bone, muscle and joint felt bruised, and my energy level was Zero.
Hello Wellbutrin, long time looker, first time taker. I am preloading the experience with plenty of positive thoughts and mojo. Starting at 150mg of the XL.
My Psy Doc is a proven weeny as far as entertaining any thoughts of Selegiline, Requip, or any off label experiments. All of those years in Med School just to scribble out one of a handful of drugs.... Oh well.
He also added that Chronic Pain sufferers who are taking Opiates are notoriously hard to treat -and that may be the case but it's not like I'm some rapid-cycling maniac chewing the carpet and disturbing the chanters in the other room.......wink'
well coming from one of those rapid-cycling maniac chewing the carpet and disturbing the chanters in the other room types.... I hope the Wellbutrin does you good. You may be on the look out for Headaches, I had lots of them when I was on Wellbutrin. Let me ask...has your doc or pdoc run any blood panels, checking especially vitamin D and B12 levels and thyroid numbers? Just a thought but a lot of your complaints come from those areas if they were to be off.
For the time being, I'm happy to be stepping away from the 'S' toward the 'D'. Years of SSRI's, all taking me to the same place. Finally glad to be waking up the Dopamine.
I thought the theory behind Tianeptine (Stablon) was interesting, in so far as inhibiting Serotonin in the synapse being 'damaging to the neuron'. Mine feel beat to a pulp. Tianeptine is classified as an SSRE, a reuptake accelerator.
I have been low in Vit-D, currently take supplemental D, a Multi, Fish Oil etc... The years of Prednisone gave me the gift of early onset Osteoporosis. Funny thing, at the time -I was working at a clinic doing surgery and acting as a DEXA tech - I calibrated the machine one day and decided to lay myself down as the test dummy -and yeoowie! My T-score for my lower spine was (-3.9). The only other archived exams in the system that were lower (and there were not many) belonged to disabled patients over 85 years old! I immediately made an appt with an Endocrinologist and we started high dose Vit-D ..... That was years ago, I sort of dropped the ball on any recent follow-up DEXA's and medication.
I had loads of energy last night, then sort of crashed and burned, bad sleep, mega brain zaps this morning.... First Opana dose finally kicked in and I feel human again.... phew. Maybe I'll have the energy this afternoon to hit some golf balls, that would be nice!
I had a mini 'Rant' that I was grooving on last night due to something my Psy-Doc had said to me.... Need some feedback.
We were chatting in his office about Dementia (He claims I don't have it, yeah right;-)), and Alzheimers etc... He expressed his fear of prescribing MAOI's like Selegiline. I talk about about my twitching and 'creepy crawly' night antics. I ask about Requip (Ropinirole) and he says he has no experience prescribing any of the Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, or Dementia drugs ..... I'm thinking to myself a big '?', all those patients you see and none are afflicted...Hmm, okay.
Then, (the part that irked), He suggested I see a "Neurologist".... His business card says he is an M.D. and a Neurology Diplomate? What the...?
In other words, someone can go to their Nurse Practitioner with their Restless Leg Syndrome and get fixed up with Requip, but if you are seeing your $400 an hour Psychiatrist Neurology Diplomate then you are out of luck...? Huh?
What do you guys think? Am I just nuts? Okay, more nuts.
Wellbutrin has been a good thing, but oh such a painful journey.
Last week I was holding a patients' hand at work. She was late 80's, early dementia, and a freshly broken hip. She gripped my hand so hard I thought it would break (and I got strong meaty paws).
This total stranger was whispering to me from behind her milky white eyes, so scared and so lost. "Take me home" she said, "help me". She was breathing very quickly, almost in a panic. I placed my other hand on her forehead to allow the heat from my hand to soothe her, and I pressed firmly, and with everything I had I allowed myself to feel her.
"I love you -I love you I love you", she kept repeating over and over in a soft whisper...... I felt a sudden flood of pain hit my eyes, tears were forming and I could feel an enormous break-down brewing within me. She held my hand and kept whispering to me from her distant place. I was trapped in her grip, and my head was lowering to her chest......... I let out a single, hushed, guttural whimper.
It took every ounce of energy to pull myself from her and find a distant bathroom stall in order to get myself together.
The moment I got to my car after work I drove to another parking lot several blocks away. I bunched up my jacket into a tight ball and let out a convulsive series of screams unlike anything I've ever experienced.......
I've cried every single day since, and it just won't let up.
Have you considered taking some vaca time from work? i'm not sure exactly what you do, but I know that it has to do with medical work and you deal with patients, and you spend a lot of time caring about them and making trying to make them feel better and that in itself can be draining. And at the same time you're dealing with your own physical pain issues, mental issues. And I'm concerned about your rib thing, after 2 weeks you should be getting better not worse.....
Maybe you just need to take a break and take some time to get things under control. Get with your pdoc and really make him work to help you find an answer to these mental symptoms that are dragging you down. You just seem to be under so much strain and stress right now, maybe you need to take some "you" time.
Right now I can't afford ($) to take any time off. Last year I finally decided to drop to PT because I was too sick all of the time to be there 40+ hours. It's a Hospital, I don't want to get more specific than that..... It has some stress but others seem to manage.
Honestly, I feel like I'm drowning. Every day seems to present another crisis, my mind is gone, my body refuses to work with me, and to top it off -Now, I have some sort of deeply buried pain erupting from me and I truly can NOT control my emotions anymore. Great....
I don't know what to do anymore......
SSRI's all of these years, created a flat drone. And now, I'm finding I might have something human in me, who knew.
I can't adequately describe in words what happened to me emotionally during my encounter with that patient -eerily powerful in a way that I wasn't prepared for -Her whisper from someplace so lonely and sad. I still hear it, I've been dreaming it, I'll never forget.
The other emotion I felt was extreme self-hatred -that this poor woman got stuck with me, that she spoke from some thread of her last firing synapse, and the guy on the other end was me -a virtual wreck with nothing to offer anyone, hardly a man. It really made me sick.
1) My GF has alluded she needs a 'break'.
2) My talk therapist quit the biz.
3) My shrink is a robotic pill dispenser.
4) My Mother has her hands full with my dysfunctional brother.
5) The few friends I have don't get it.
6) Work friends can't be trusted.
7) People hate listening to a whiner who can't 'Man-Up' and deal.
8) I don't blame them.
Almost 3 weeks now..... Gotta call the Doc about this rib pain which has spread to my entire right side, a psuedo-paralysis, can't breathe, can't move, and I need this like a hole in head right now....