Okay first off calm down and just breathe, in and out, slow and deep. These problems do have solutions.
As far as what the doc is increasing your meds to, what did he write your new RX for? It should be pretty evident of what the increase is. Also if each appt is going to be that confusing and talking in circles, I'd just have your husband go with you, it seems like the only way you'll get to the point right then and there.
Next, as for the amusement park, can you explain to yoru mom that you'd love to go, but with your chronic pain situations you need lots of help chasing after your 3 yr old adn will she be able to do that. Just be honest and let her know that if she can't, you'll have to pass this time and go another time when your husband is free to help you.
I did sound pretty desperate, didn't I?! I was feeling confused and upset at that time, but not THAT bad...LOL. Didn't mean for it to come across so strong. You see, I am a very organized person....almost to the point of OCD, I'd say. I always have things planned out and kinks in that can sometimes throw me into an anxiety "fit." I probably made myself sound worse than I actually am. I am pretty flexible, but finding the right solution/dosage is soooo important to me at this time. Maybe I am just impatient to a degree. Anyway......
First, my doctor didn't give me a new RX. He meant for me to do an increase with the bottle that I currently have. I have been seeing him for 6 months now and several instances have occured where he told me to take "extras." I don't want this with taking methadone. I want to find the right dosage for me. He told me that he was going to increase my dosage but he wanted to tell my husband what the increase was because he is the one controlling the pills. That aggravated me, but I thought, "whatever." But, when he didn't call my husband back to explain the increase to him, and it was Friday, I bascially went into a mild "anxiety fit."
When I started on the Suboxone, I got the impression that I was the first person he had given it to...like I was his geunia pig (sp?). So, I don't think he is experienced with drug addiction/chronic pain. I have been warned that people don't think he is a good doctor. That he just wants to keep patients coming back for long-term. However, I live in the middle of nowhere, literally. This doctor is a 40 minute drive for me and anyone else would be a 2 hour drive. And, he is kind, and seems to care about me.
Second, Holiday World.....My mom is not what you call your average mom. She is also a chronic pain sufferer and is addicted to pain pills (She sees the same doctor that I do and he has her on oxycodone 30mg 4Xday.) She wouldn't help chase my daughter and I wouldn't really trust her to. My daughter is VERY active and when we took her a few weeks ago, she ran 100 mph everywhere in the water park. It took both me and my husband to keep her under control. I have talked with my husband and my oldest son, and we all feel that I am not ready for any pain meds yet for break-through pain. So, my oldest son (18 years old) has agreed to go in my place and totally watch/chase her. And, I trust him a lot more than I trust my mother. So, problem solved. However, I hate to miss seeing her have fun, but I need to try to work on my problems right now. I also think my mom is going to be angry with me for not going...and she'll just say, "Oh, just take some pain pills and go with us." But, I will be strong and tell her that I can't handle it right now.
Again, sorry for sounding so desperate. I guess I was just looking for advice in the middle of my "anxiety fit." ......LOL. Thanks to all of you for your kind words, encouragment, and especially your advice!!!
Remember that doses of methadone shouldn't be increased any earlier than every 3-7 days , depending on the individual. It may well be that the doctor had some other emergency or last minute appointment to tend to on Friday, or he didn't get the message and will give your husband a call tomorrow. Either way, if the doctor doesn't , by say 1:00pm your time, have your husband call again and ask the doctor to call him......
As far as getting to the "right" dose for you to manage your cravings, well, as I said earlier, part of that is coming from your "junkie" mind- don't take offense, please but it is your body's way of convincing you to take more- not that you need it, because your pain levels are being managed pretty well by your own words- but your cravings are not. Those , you need to work on yourself, with a therapist or counselor and maybe NA would be helpful for you to find someone who also have dealt with addiction to pain meds and how they manage it and the cravings. There will never be enough of any medication that is going to get rid of the cravings, they will lessen in time, but in large part, you have to take control of them and not give into them. All increasing your doses are going to do is continue to feed that beast, those cravings , and after a short time, you will find yourself back to the doctor asking for another increase to manage the cravings.
I am not ruling out a small increase in your dose- maybe another 5 mg during your day time dose, but using a regular steady increase across the board in your total dose, I wouldn't do that, at least not yet. I don't know what dose he started you off at, or what you were taking of your drug of choice before, but he needs to be careful in not feeding the beast of your addiction, and balance that with a dose that will manage the pain and not further add problems....
In reality, the only addiction med that I am aware of that will take the cravings totally away is suboxone- but that did nothing for the pain levels. Methadone will help with the cravings but I am not sure that it will remove all of the cravings totally, like the suboxone did.
The Following User Says Thank You to backhurtz For This Useful Post: Tryin 4 help (08-01-2011)
Please don't feel the need to apologize, you did nothing wrong. Everyone is allowed to rant now and again, it's what keeps up sane *l* Hmmm..as for your doc, people say different things bout docs all the time, 2 will love him, 3 will hate him, etc. etc. It's how you feel with him that counts. As long as he is treating you well and not thinking this is a not so serious problem that he can fix with a bandaid, you should be fine. I think at your next appointment you might suggest a different plan of attach for dosage changes, and have your husband with you, try something like,"I do value and trust your opinion, but it is very confusing for me when you will not discuss my dosage changes with me, and state that you will only tell my husband. I'm a grown adult and this is my hardship to deal with, my husband cannot be my keeper or enabler. So please from this point on explain the dosages to me at our appointments, making sure that everything is clear, and then you can email my husband the changes and what meds he is to give me, etc."
You need to make it clear to this doc that you are his patient, not your husband. And unless you signed some type of legal agreement, he's breaking every HIPPA law in the book, by discussing your case with your husband. So, if it were me I'd get it cleared up, because even though he's nice and such, it sounds as if he's treating you like a child and has to wait for your daddy to come be so he can get the directions......I don't think that type of enabling/keeper relationship does any addict well....and it can be very hard on a marriage. So, I'm just saying in my opinion you might want to think about this rather seriously. If you decide this is the way you want to go, you'll need to talk to your husband beforehand so he understands what he is supposed to do, which is to totally support you and your decision.
take care hon, and let us know how you're doing.
The Following User Says Thank You to katlin09 For This Useful Post: Tryin 4 help (08-01-2011)
In my experience, methadone did NOT help me with pain. I was taking vicodin & was dependent & tolerant. I feel that the methadone clinic just wanted the $$ from my awesome ins. plan b/c they knew that I was still in pain, & allowed me to keep taking the Vicodin!! All the methodone did was give me another drug to become dependent on. Apparently I was up to a VERY high dose as well (85 mg).
Shortly thereafter, I got pneumonia, which subsequently went into ARDS (Acute/Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome). I was 27 years old & W/in 2 days of becoming ill I was on life support, w/a 15% chance of survival. When they gave mme my methodone dose, I nearly died & then they took me off of it (I was unconcious & being given Dilaudid I think). Not sure if the Methadone played a role in my illness (my husband seems to think so). I also knnow that the medical staff believed I was a heroin addict (I was not, never have used it). It's in my medical record that they did not believe that I was using methodone for pain relief after not enough relief from using vicodin.
I think that it probably didn't help my condition b/c of its effect on my immune system. I know that the clinics & methodone manufacturer's deny any harmful side effects in terms of immunity, dental or general health, but I watched my sister take it for heroin addiction since 1975 (I was 2, she was 18 years my senior) & I saw what it did to her health, (& teeth started to just fall out of her head).
She ultimately died of Hep C but swore to me on her death bed she had not gone back to heroin & needles. I believe she contracted the hepatitis from a dirty tattoo needle at a biker/tattoo party. Also, remember there is a major stigma associated w/methodone treatment as well.
After I recovered (miraculously) from the ARDS, I idiotically still thought I didn't give the methadone a fair shake (it had been less than 2 months b/f I was struck w/the ARDS) so I went back on it!! I soon realized that it was not for me & I decided to get offofit as quickly as possible!! More quickly than they even allow (it would have taken me years to detox their way). So I signed a waiver & detoxed 1 mg/day until I was off it. Catapress helped a lot w/the withdrawls but it took abt a year b/f I felt "normal" again.
I have since been diagnosed w/not only endometriosis but the other previously unnknown cause for my severe pelvic pain (interstitial cystitis). I have just been "biting the bullet" & taking a lot of vicodin, percocet, & sometimes soma to take the edge off of the spasms & contractions until about 2 weeks ago my PCP told me all the tyelenol was going to destroy my liver so she gave me a fentanyl patch, which is working very well for the pain (some breeakthrough pain though). The pain is much better controlled so far but I am terrified of the inevitablle fentanyl dependence & tolerance. I haven't been on it long enough to know if this is a disasterous mistake. Until now, for decades I had avoided the "harder", LA opiates & just suffered. I love not having to wake up in pain to take more pills.
However, it took some trial & error to get the patches to stay on at all in the 1st place (which is what brought me to this site originally). I followed directions a flushed perfectly medicated patches b/c they wouldn't stay on--3 of them--b/f I figured out I had to use Bioclusives & just slap on another one when it starts too come off again. I wish I had kept them now but I have kids & was afraid to keep them after they wouldn't stick (directions say flush & use a new one). Now I fear I'm going to be going into withdrawl b/c I am now 9 days short & my dr. is on vacation. I don't see her again until the 22nd & have thought about just wearing each patch longer but I've read thiis is dangerous. She did giive me some oxycontin for brakthrough pain. I wonder if I save those for when I run out of the patches if they will stave off the withdrawl until the 22nd (assuming I am already dependent but I am afraid to find out)!!. I have read a ton of fentanyl horror stories now so I'm not sure if they are a good option for you or not (still not sure if it is a good option for me either). If you should use them, just be sure to buuy the bioclusives & practice w/them 1st. I wouldn't through away a patch that doesn't stick initially either, they will stay on w/these bioclusives (or Tagaderm, they're expensive) but I like the bioclusives more. I got 100 of them for $60 online. Another drawback is that I have relied on hot baths to ease my pain some since I was 12 (I'm 38 now) & that is not an option anymore w/the patches b/c heat will cause too much medication to be dispersed at once.
I personally think that methadone is not a good option for pain management in my experience but others may have different results. Good luck to you. I pray that you find some relief. It's a truly vicious cirlce we are caught up in!!! May God bless you & guide you & your healthcare professional to make the best decision for you.
I'm pretty scared now....had to go to ER last night. I woke up yesterday with my lower back/upper butt muscles numb/asleep. It got worse as the day went on. About 4:00, I noticed that area was swollen and hot to the touch, plus excruciating pain to touch it. By 6:00, I was in so much pain that I couldn't get up and down without screaming and my son had to get me up and down. He finally talked me into going to the emergency room. Terrible pain...a 10! Anyway, at the ER, they told me my temp was 100.6 so must be some infection somewhere. They took some x-rays and a urine sample (with me screaming and crying the whole time). Then, they gave me a shot of dilaudid (sp?) and a muscle relaxer. And, the ER doc actually told me that I have a severely degenerated disk...ha ha ha...already knew that. They sent me home and I am getting ready to head to my neurologist now. When I awoke this morning, it was swollen worse and still can't get up or down without assisstance and a lot of crying.
Thanks Kat, that's kinda what I thought....waiting on my daddy to help me. And, I figured that was illegal, but I didn't know what to do about it.
Well, I left there more upset than when I went in. I explained about waking up yesterday with my lower back/butt area feeling numb and how it got worse all day and started to swell. (The swelling is terrible today!) I told him (but he got to see first hand) that I can't get up and down without help. When I told him that I had a fever in the ER last night, he got almost angry. "Why did you come to see me for a fever? You should see your primary care physician!" My son told him that the ER said I should see him since it's my back that is swollen. He looked at my back, pushed around on it (which caused me excruciating pain!) and agreed that it is terribly swollen. I should add that by this point, I am crying uncontrollably from the pain and from his actions.
He gave me scripts for Vicaprofen 7.5 and muscle relaxers and told me to keep taking the methadone. He said it is probably a muscle spasm and will heal within 2 weeks. My son asked why I have the fever.....did I have infection? He said, "You can't get infection there," and he walked out the door. I am still crying....my son is mad....and my son is trying to get me out the door and down the hallway to leave. I whispered to him, take me to the car and then come back to pay the copay. On the way out, the nurse/secretary said, "Angela, don't you want to pay your copay?" I couldn't believe it! She didn't care about me crying in pain, but she was sure concerned about them getting some money!!! (BTW, He said he never called my husband back because he had to go out of town.)
My son called the local chiropractor, the one who treated me up until my surgery, and he explained the whole thing to her. She said it has to be more than just a muscle spasm with the swelling and infection.
So, now we are thinking about driving 2 hours to the nearest city to go to the ER. The same ER as the hospital where I had my back sugery so they can get ahold of the surgeon who did my surgery if they need to see my records.
We did drive the 2 hours to the hospital where my back surgery was and I must say, I was impressed with their ER!! I guess living in the middle of nowhere, I didn't realize we have such excellent medical care here in the US...lol. Anyway, after first being admitted, I was seen quickly by a doctor who thought it was probably an absess that had nothing to do with my previous back surgery/problems. He ran a CT scan, a blood culture, and other various tests. Turns out, it is an absess! It has nothing to do with my previous back problems....just a coincidence that it is in the same area!
He did run a bag of antibiotics through an IV while I was there. He suggested that I try a round of oral antibiotics and we would know within 2-3 days if that helps. If not, then I'll need to be admitted to the hospital to try some IV antibiotics....and, last resort, cut down to lance it. What a relief!!
The ER doc also told me that this can be extremely painful so that explains why I was in so much pain. It might also explain why the methadone wasn't working so well for me yet....cause this absess was building up there. The last few days, I've been wondering why my cravings seemed controlled, but my pain wasn't being controlled....and this explains it!!
I've got a few days to go of treating this absess, but, like I said, what a relief to find out that I don't have a problem with another disk!!
A weird observation or question: I was given a shot of dilaudid in the ER again last night. Is this a common drug to use in the ER when a pain shot is needed? I don't believe I've been to the ER much for myself..... I had never heard of dilaudid before this board or my last two evenings in the ER.
Dilaudid is a pretty normal pain med for ER's. It works quick by injection and does a pretty good job of controlling most pain, if that doesn't work believe it or not a lot of ER's go straight to Morphine.
I'm glad your doing better and found an answer to the problem. Please continue to let us know how you're doing.
I was reading on some other threads, hoping that I could either learn some new information or help someone else out, when I came across the post below.....
I have been reading the posts here and can't believe what I am reading. First, this is not an addiction thread. And I am sympathetic to anyone that has a problem, but people on this sight don't need to hear about someone that's addicted to pain meds. If you have unbearable pain , I very much doubt your addicted. You can build a tolerance to medication over a time, but that is not addiction. It is what it is. Methadone is used to get heroin addicts off heroin so they don't have the cravings. And it works that way. I have been on Methadone for seven yrs. for pain through pain managment. AND IT WORKS AT THE RIGHT DOSAGE. I GUESS WHAT i'M TRYING TO SAY IS, WE DON'T NEED TO BE SCARING PEOPLE THAT ARE IN TERRIBLE PAIN THAT COME TO THIS SITE FOR HELP, WITH PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ADDICTION. METHADONE IS A VERY STRONG DRUG. I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW YOU ARE HAVING CRAVINGS UNLESS YOU JUST WANT THE HIGH. METHADONE DOESN'T GIVE YOU ANY EUPHORIC FEELINGS.( Drs. like it because of that. ) I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but it's a hard enough battle to get Drs. to understand chronic pain, and people to understand the difference between addition and tolerance. So if your addicted to something your in the wrong place.
I had a feeling that this was about me, and lo and behold, I found my name in the next post. I figured that some, if not all, of you have already seen this post, and I wanted to share with you, my new friends on here, what I responded.........
You are talking to/about me....
I started posting on the addiction board because although I have chronic back pain problems, I also felt that I was addicted to pain meds, and I thought that was where I belonged. The Admin told me not to post on that board anymore because it was for people who are addicted to something and want to get off of those drugs. He said I am a chronic pain sufferer so I need to post on the Pain Management board. I didn't feel that I would be accepted here because I have a problem with certain pain meds. And, until reading this post, I did feel like I belong here.
I don't know how many of my posts you have read, but I switched over to Methadone a week ago. I just found out last night that I have an absess building up, coincidentally, in the same area as my chronic back pain. Turns out, my symptoms and cravings have gotten better, but I just hadn't noticed because my pain has worsened due to this absess. I thought the Methadone wasn't working for me or that I needed an increase in dosage. I guess if I hadn't gotten this absess at this particular time in this particular place, then I might've known that the Methadone is actually working for me.
So, I guess I'm back to square 1....Where do I fit in? Just as I suspected, I don't fit in on the Pain Management board because I have a problem with certain pain meds, and I don't fit in on the Addiction board because I have chronic pain. My time on here hasn't been wasted though, because I have learned so much on here and so much of it has been useful to me. For example, I learned on here that maybe I am/was pseudo-addicted. This is important to me because, maybe for a long time, I have been "craving" proper pain control and not necessarily craving the drugs.
I'm sorry if I have been posting on the wrong site. I know that I have a chronic pain problem, but I also know that I have a problem with the pills, too. You said that Methadone is very effective at the right dosage and that is a lot of what I have been posting about.....trying to get at the right dosage for me. You also mentioned that people don't need to be scared and I certainly don't want to scare or mess up anyone else getting help. So, I'll stay off of this board.
Angela (Tryin 4 Help)
I would like to once again say to you, my friends on this thread/board, thanks for all of your advice and words of encouragement. It means more to me than you'll ever know........
Last edited by Tryin 4 help; 08-02-2011 at 07:39 AM.
First of all, no one has the right to judge you.
Yes, doctors don't know the difference between tolerance and addiction, and think almost everyone is a budding junkie. Although I highly doubt that theory to be honest. I think most are just scared that someone will take their license away if they give a patient the wrong thing.
Your "addiction" or whatever we want/can call it was caused by multiple physicians thinking you do not have a pain problem. Does anyone see the irony here?
I do agree people should not be posting wild theories that methadone causes a host of other disorders, unless you have clinical studies to prove this, please don't scare people. On the flip side from my understanding methadone should only be prescribed by someone who knows what they are doing.
Just because someone has any kind of drug problem, legal or illegal does not change the fact that they may also have a pain problem. You have plenty of evidence that there is something going on with your back, and that you need pain medication.
I'm sorry people are posting about you. I don't think you said anything wrong, in fact you described what a lot of people feel when they are not taken seriously, and are in severe pain- they think of ANY option.
Obviously if your pain medication is not monitored and you start taking more than needed you will have some kind of high, and then want more, just to feel normal and pain free again. I really hold NO ill feeling towards you, these things happen, that is why we need good doctors who listen to their patients!
Please don't stress yourself about all this, you need to get better now. I once had an abscess and that is a lot of PAIN! My mom had one also after a surgery and that increased her pain exponentially, just speak to your doctor about it. I hope they gave you a good antibiotic combination and that you are on your way to recovery.
We are here to listen and offer support.
Last edited by bunny23; 08-02-2011 at 07:59 AM.
The Following User Says Thank You to bunny23 For This Useful Post: Tryin 4 help (08-03-2011)
***To women/men posting pelvic back problems and physical therapy***
I would very strongly suggest to anyone who started to have pain after having a child or falling, that you see a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic disorders. My personal story is very long, but I did develop a pelvic disorder from my initial fall. I started clenching my pelvic muscles, doing a "kegle" 24/7. This started causing an intense burning in my pelvis and LEGS.
You need to see someone who does PT for women (or men) and can walk you through relaxing those muscles, do biofeedback etc. This helped me a lot. Many times you will have issues in that region that you are not aware of.
My story started with a fall, and ended 3 years later when I was diagnosed with tethered cord syndrome, a congenital (or not) condition where the cord is stretched and does not move, mine was past L5 when I was diagnosed. I was called CRAZY many times prior to my diagnosis.
If you have had a traumatic accident/severe back please make sure the MRI is checked esp if you start developing leg pain and bladder issues... you need to consult with a SPECIALIZED neurosurgeon right away if you have this disorder.
PLEASE have you actual MRI disk checked, even if you have other back issues! My report was all clear, but it showed on the MRI, and I suffered for years. Almost lost my bladder and leg function.
Just my 2 cents after reading all of your back stories
Bunny, I wrote to Malissa on my thread , as she posted on my thread. I apologized for hurting her feelings. So if you want to you,, could read that thread and post, so I don't have to rewrite what I said. I am sorry for the eruption, and as I told Malissa, she was probably a target on a very bad pain day. Sometimes it takes away all of our ability to think straight. Again I apologize to all of you. But most to Malissa, as she truley needs to have lots of support and kind words. boomer
Malissa , did you get to read the post I wrote to you on my thread in response to yours? I hope so as I can't find the thread I posted it on. Again, I do apologize to you. What I wrote, just in case you didn't see it, was that your sooo right about pseaudo-addiction. As it is truley just what you said. So you just worry about trying to get the relief you deserve. I have scoliosis and had two surgeries to correct them last yr. Short story, they didn't work and now I'm in terrible pain. I'm 59 yrs. old. The
'scoliosis" was brought on from a surgery in 2006 on my lower back. So I feel for you and what ever so is happening with your back and all the rest.
Pain truley can make people a lot crazy at time, and so again, I am so sorry . And I wouldn't have made this so long, but wasn't sure you got my post. I can't find it now. I so know what it's like to go through the terrible scutiny of feeling like I am a drug addict. But anymore , nothing bothers me. Cause I deserve to have relief. And they are capable of giving you and all of us relief if they want. I want you to remember that, you deserve to have relief from your pain. No one in this day and age should have to suffer. I know Drs. are afriad,(DEA) but so are we. We all have a right to some quality of life~~~I so hope you get that . Best Wishes~~boomer
Pain can make people say things in a manner that they may not mean. Please don't go anywhere, you do belong here, and we've tried to be of help to you, while dealing with the pain problems and finding the right medication for you.
Methadone is a really good medication and I'm sure that once you get healed from this abcess, you will find that the methadone is working for both conditions.
Pain management is a tricky business, and it does appear that while you most probably started this journey being under medicated, you crossed the line into addiction , which can happen easily when we try to take on our own treatment and dosages adjustments. It's one of the reasons that we must follow the rules, and if the pain is out of control, we call our doctor and get his advice as to what to do to bring it back down.
You are going to do really well, you are motivated for all of the right reasons and doing everything that you can to get your pain treated properly and stay on the right track. Hang in there, and don't go anywhere.....you DO belong here.
Boomer: Thank you for the apology; It wasn't necessary though....you were just speaking your mind and opinion as everyone has a right to do.
I would like to stay on this board. I think of myself right now as "a work in progress" and I don't think I would be doing this well or feeling this good about my decisions without this board. This has actually been tons more help to me than the counseling has been. But, maybe I need to find one for chronic pain/addictive tendencies because I don't want to scare anyone.
You are definitely right. The pseudo-addiction fit me some time ago, but I jumped over to full-blown addiction when I started illegal activities....it didn't happen overnight and all I could see at that time was getting some relief and trying to live a some-what normal life. I can see it all now....what I should have done instead of what I did. But, at that time, I honestly didn't know. I had never been in a situation of chronic pain before and really knew no one who had. I was in a horrible depression; had my husband on one end of me and my mother tugging at the other end. And, like I said, it didn't happen overnight, and at that time, it was the only way I knew to keep teaching, taking care of my 3 year old, going to my teenagers' activities, and living a some-what normal life. However, I wish now that I wouldn't have done any of it. I wish I could change it....but I can't. All I can do now is learn from it.
And, share my story. I don't wish to scare anyone, and I don't think that I have, but maybe, someone in that situation will read this and it will help them to make better decisions than I did.
The following user gives a hug of support to Tryin 4 help: bunny23 (08-03-2011)
Malissa , you most certaily desrved an apology from me. The more I understand what you are saying, as ironic as it may seem, I can see myself in you about fifteen years ago. It was when I first started having chronic pain issues and I crossed the line in desperation for relief. I am again so sorry you are going through this. I hope it doesn't take the health profession as long with you, as it did with me, to finially realize how bad my pain was.
Wishing the best for you~~~boomer
The Following User Says Thank You to babyboomer6 For This Useful Post: Tryin 4 help (08-04-2011)
You have made the same mistakes that many newly annointed members of the chronic pain club have made- which is why so many of us are so quick to warn new people of the dangers of doing their own "adjustments" for escalating pain levels. It is a slippery slope, and it's hard not to want to take just one more when the bottle is sitting there, and you are in pain.
One of the hardest adjustments that we have to make is to learn to accept that our new 'normal" is not what we were and did before the injury that is causing the pain...once there is an injury, and whether or not it heals and gives us no more pain or it continues to give us pain- we can never be what we were before the injury....no matter how hard we push, or how many demands are placed upon us-when we learn to accept that our lives are and will be a work in progress- we learn to manage both our pain better, learn what works for treating it and what doesn't, we also learn to accept ourselves as we are now, not as we were....
Don't beat yourself up over what happened, stay honest with yourself, your husband and your doctors- you will and are learning important things about yourself, and about the strengths that you never knew that you had...it took incredible courage to face your doctor and be honest- it took even more courage to do that with yourself and you did both...
The following user gives a hug of support to backhurtz: Tryin 4 help (08-04-2011)