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Old 08-02-2011, 08:35 AM   #31
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

To my wonderful new friends on this thread/board:

I was reading on some other threads, hoping that I could either learn some new information or help someone else out, when I came across the post below.....



I have been reading the posts here and can't believe what I am reading. First, this is not an addiction thread. And I am sympathetic to anyone that has a problem, but people on this sight don't need to hear about someone that's addicted to pain meds. If you have unbearable pain , I very much doubt your addicted. You can build a tolerance to medication over a time, but that is not addiction. It is what it is. Methadone is used to get heroin addicts off heroin so they don't have the cravings. And it works that way. I have been on Methadone for seven yrs. for pain through pain managment. AND IT WORKS AT THE RIGHT DOSAGE. I GUESS WHAT i'M TRYING TO SAY IS, WE DON'T NEED TO BE SCARING PEOPLE THAT ARE IN TERRIBLE PAIN THAT COME TO THIS SITE FOR HELP, WITH PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ADDICTION. METHADONE IS A VERY STRONG DRUG. I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW YOU ARE HAVING CRAVINGS UNLESS YOU JUST WANT THE HIGH. METHADONE DOESN'T GIVE YOU ANY EUPHORIC FEELINGS.( Drs. like it because of that. ) I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but it's a hard enough battle to get Drs. to understand chronic pain, and people to understand the difference between addition and tolerance. So if your addicted to something your in the wrong place.


I had a feeling that this was about me, and lo and behold, I found my name in the next post. I figured that some, if not all, of you have already seen this post, and I wanted to share with you, my new friends on here, what I responded.........


You are talking to/about me....

I started posting on the addiction board because although I have chronic back pain problems, I also felt that I was addicted to pain meds, and I thought that was where I belonged. The Admin told me not to post on that board anymore because it was for people who are addicted to something and want to get off of those drugs. He said I am a chronic pain sufferer so I need to post on the Pain Management board. I didn't feel that I would be accepted here because I have a problem with certain pain meds. And, until reading this post, I did feel like I belong here.

I don't know how many of my posts you have read, but I switched over to Methadone a week ago. I just found out last night that I have an absess building up, coincidentally, in the same area as my chronic back pain. Turns out, my symptoms and cravings have gotten better, but I just hadn't noticed because my pain has worsened due to this absess. I thought the Methadone wasn't working for me or that I needed an increase in dosage. I guess if I hadn't gotten this absess at this particular time in this particular place, then I might've known that the Methadone is actually working for me.

So, I guess I'm back to square 1....Where do I fit in? Just as I suspected, I don't fit in on the Pain Management board because I have a problem with certain pain meds, and I don't fit in on the Addiction board because I have chronic pain. My time on here hasn't been wasted though, because I have learned so much on here and so much of it has been useful to me. For example, I learned on here that maybe I am/was pseudo-addicted. This is important to me because, maybe for a long time, I have been "craving" proper pain control and not necessarily craving the drugs.

I'm sorry if I have been posting on the wrong site. I know that I have a chronic pain problem, but I also know that I have a problem with the pills, too. You said that Methadone is very effective at the right dosage and that is a lot of what I have been posting about.....trying to get at the right dosage for me. You also mentioned that people don't need to be scared and I certainly don't want to scare or mess up anyone else getting help. So, I'll stay off of this board.

Angela (Tryin 4 Help)


I would like to once again say to you, my friends on this thread/board, thanks for all of your advice and words of encouragement. It means more to me than you'll ever know........

Angela

Last edited by Tryin 4 help; 08-02-2011 at 08:39 AM.

 
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Old 08-02-2011, 08:57 AM   #32
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

First of all, no one has the right to judge you.
Yes, doctors don't know the difference between tolerance and addiction, and think almost everyone is a budding junkie. Although I highly doubt that theory to be honest. I think most are just scared that someone will take their license away if they give a patient the wrong thing.

Your "addiction" or whatever we want/can call it was caused by multiple physicians thinking you do not have a pain problem. Does anyone see the irony here?

I do agree people should not be posting wild theories that methadone causes a host of other disorders, unless you have clinical studies to prove this, please don't scare people. On the flip side from my understanding methadone should only be prescribed by someone who knows what they are doing.

Just because someone has any kind of drug problem, legal or illegal does not change the fact that they may also have a pain problem. You have plenty of evidence that there is something going on with your back, and that you need pain medication.

I'm sorry people are posting about you. I don't think you said anything wrong, in fact you described what a lot of people feel when they are not taken seriously, and are in severe pain- they think of ANY option.
Obviously if your pain medication is not monitored and you start taking more than needed you will have some kind of high, and then want more, just to feel normal and pain free again. I really hold NO ill feeling towards you, these things happen, that is why we need good doctors who listen to their patients!

Please don't stress yourself about all this, you need to get better now. I once had an abscess and that is a lot of PAIN! My mom had one also after a surgery and that increased her pain exponentially, just speak to your doctor about it. I hope they gave you a good antibiotic combination and that you are on your way to recovery.

We are here to listen and offer support.

Last edited by bunny23; 08-02-2011 at 08:59 AM.

 
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Old 08-02-2011, 09:07 AM   #33
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

***To women/men posting pelvic back problems and physical therapy***

I would very strongly suggest to anyone who started to have pain after having a child or falling, that you see a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic disorders. My personal story is very long, but I did develop a pelvic disorder from my initial fall. I started clenching my pelvic muscles, doing a "kegle" 24/7. This started causing an intense burning in my pelvis and LEGS.
You need to see someone who does PT for women (or men) and can walk you through relaxing those muscles, do biofeedback etc. This helped me a lot. Many times you will have issues in that region that you are not aware of.

My story started with a fall, and ended 3 years later when I was diagnosed with tethered cord syndrome, a congenital (or not) condition where the cord is stretched and does not move, mine was past L5 when I was diagnosed. I was called CRAZY many times prior to my diagnosis.
If you have had a traumatic accident/severe back please make sure the MRI is checked esp if you start developing leg pain and bladder issues... you need to consult with a SPECIALIZED neurosurgeon right away if you have this disorder.
PLEASE have you actual MRI disk checked, even if you have other back issues! My report was all clear, but it showed on the MRI, and I suffered for years. Almost lost my bladder and leg function.

Just my 2 cents after reading all of your back stories

 
Old 08-02-2011, 02:03 PM   #34
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Bunny, I wrote to Malissa on my thread , as she posted on my thread. I apologized for hurting her feelings. So if you want to you,, could read that thread and post, so I don't have to rewrite what I said. I am sorry for the eruption, and as I told Malissa, she was probably a target on a very bad pain day. Sometimes it takes away all of our ability to think straight. Again I apologize to all of you. But most to Malissa, as she truley needs to have lots of support and kind words. boomer

 
Old 08-02-2011, 03:04 PM   #35
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Malissa , did you get to read the post I wrote to you on my thread in response to yours? I hope so as I can't find the thread I posted it on. Again, I do apologize to you. What I wrote, just in case you didn't see it, was that your sooo right about pseaudo-addiction. As it is truley just what you said. So you just worry about trying to get the relief you deserve. I have scoliosis and had two surgeries to correct them last yr. Short story, they didn't work and now I'm in terrible pain. I'm 59 yrs. old. The
'scoliosis" was brought on from a surgery in 2006 on my lower back. So I feel for you and what ever so is happening with your back and all the rest.
Pain truley can make people a lot crazy at time, and so again, I am so sorry . And I wouldn't have made this so long, but wasn't sure you got my post. I can't find it now. I so know what it's like to go through the terrible scutiny of feeling like I am a drug addict. But anymore , nothing bothers me. Cause I deserve to have relief. And they are capable of giving you and all of us relief if they want. I want you to remember that, you deserve to have relief from your pain. No one in this day and age should have to suffer. I know Drs. are afriad,(DEA) but so are we. We all have a right to some quality of life~~~I so hope you get that . Best Wishes~~boomer

 
Old 08-02-2011, 06:36 PM   #36
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Angela,
Pain can make people say things in a manner that they may not mean. Please don't go anywhere, you do belong here, and we've tried to be of help to you, while dealing with the pain problems and finding the right medication for you.
Methadone is a really good medication and I'm sure that once you get healed from this abcess, you will find that the methadone is working for both conditions.
Pain management is a tricky business, and it does appear that while you most probably started this journey being under medicated, you crossed the line into addiction , which can happen easily when we try to take on our own treatment and dosages adjustments. It's one of the reasons that we must follow the rules, and if the pain is out of control, we call our doctor and get his advice as to what to do to bring it back down.
You are going to do really well, you are motivated for all of the right reasons and doing everything that you can to get your pain treated properly and stay on the right track. Hang in there, and don't go anywhere.....you DO belong here.
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Old 08-03-2011, 07:47 AM   #37
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Boomer: Thank you for the apology; It wasn't necessary though....you were just speaking your mind and opinion as everyone has a right to do.

I would like to stay on this board. I think of myself right now as "a work in progress" and I don't think I would be doing this well or feeling this good about my decisions without this board. This has actually been tons more help to me than the counseling has been. But, maybe I need to find one for chronic pain/addictive tendencies because I don't want to scare anyone.

Back,
You are definitely right. The pseudo-addiction fit me some time ago, but I jumped over to full-blown addiction when I started illegal activities....it didn't happen overnight and all I could see at that time was getting some relief and trying to live a some-what normal life. I can see it all now....what I should have done instead of what I did. But, at that time, I honestly didn't know. I had never been in a situation of chronic pain before and really knew no one who had. I was in a horrible depression; had my husband on one end of me and my mother tugging at the other end. And, like I said, it didn't happen overnight, and at that time, it was the only way I knew to keep teaching, taking care of my 3 year old, going to my teenagers' activities, and living a some-what normal life. However, I wish now that I wouldn't have done any of it. I wish I could change it....but I can't. All I can do now is learn from it.
And, share my story. I don't wish to scare anyone, and I don't think that I have, but maybe, someone in that situation will read this and it will help them to make better decisions than I did.

Angela

 
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Old 08-03-2011, 07:53 AM   #38
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Happy everything is sorted out

Hope everyone is having a great day!

 
Old 08-03-2011, 12:58 PM   #39
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Malissa , you most certaily desrved an apology from me. The more I understand what you are saying, as ironic as it may seem, I can see myself in you about fifteen years ago. It was when I first started having chronic pain issues and I crossed the line in desperation for relief. I am again so sorry you are going through this. I hope it doesn't take the health profession as long with you, as it did with me, to finially realize how bad my pain was.
Wishing the best for you~~~boomer

 
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Old 08-03-2011, 05:51 PM   #40
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Angela,
You have made the same mistakes that many newly annointed members of the chronic pain club have made- which is why so many of us are so quick to warn new people of the dangers of doing their own "adjustments" for escalating pain levels. It is a slippery slope, and it's hard not to want to take just one more when the bottle is sitting there, and you are in pain.
One of the hardest adjustments that we have to make is to learn to accept that our new 'normal" is not what we were and did before the injury that is causing the pain...once there is an injury, and whether or not it heals and gives us no more pain or it continues to give us pain- we can never be what we were before the injury....no matter how hard we push, or how many demands are placed upon us-when we learn to accept that our lives are and will be a work in progress- we learn to manage both our pain better, learn what works for treating it and what doesn't, we also learn to accept ourselves as we are now, not as we were....
Don't beat yourself up over what happened, stay honest with yourself, your husband and your doctors- you will and are learning important things about yourself, and about the strengths that you never knew that you had...it took incredible courage to face your doctor and be honest- it took even more courage to do that with yourself and you did both...
Hugs,
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Old 08-03-2011, 05:52 PM   #41
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Boomer,
Thank you for your posts.....you are being a big person here and that also takes tremendous amounts of courage. I commend you for that.
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Old 08-04-2011, 12:54 AM   #42
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Hi Angela Tinkerbell45 here i read yourpost and i wanted to cry. I KNOW you must really be suffering as you have been through ALOT and without the support of your husband but as the others say the shoe will be on the other foot one day and i am very thankful that you had your 17 year old son to help you i know he was a lifesaver!! PLEASE go back to your dr or find you a different PM dr and explain what is going on and get your pain meds back you ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY sound like you need them as you are having NO quality of life without them. Please take care and feel free to write anytime. Until next time, Tinkerbell45

 
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:34 AM   #43
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Boomer,
I agree with back....it did take a lot of courage to post an apology. Thank you for it. And, I just have to tell you.....my name is Angela, not Malissa. But, you can call me that if you want to...LOL.

Tinkerbell (love that name!),
I do think that this methadone is going to work for me. I just have to get to the right dosage. He started me at 20 mg a day and increased it to 30 mg a day. I couldn't tell it was helping at all because of this damn abscess! But, I am getting the feeling back so the numbness and swelling have went down some and the pain is much better.....hopefully the antibiotics are working!! Once I get this thing healed, then I can get back to seeing how this methadone works for me.

Back,
That is something that I need to work on - accepting my limitations. That has been very difficult on me. I used to clean, clean, clean and keep my house "perfect." And, my yard was perfect, too. I can't do it all now and it "kills" me. Plus, I have a 3 year old who is very active. I am trying to get done what i can and accept the things that I can't get done. It's hard for me, but I'm trying. I feel like I burden my 18 year old too much. My other son (16) doesn't want to help much so a lot gets put on my 18 year old. But, he says that everything is fine, and he knows that I hurt, and he wants to help me.

Last edited by Administrator; 08-23-2011 at 03:49 PM.

 
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Old 08-19-2011, 02:36 AM   #44
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

Angela, my friend. You have every right to be on this board, especially if this is where the Mods sent you and want you to post. Nobody has the right to judge you are imply that your not welcome here and should move on, except a Mod.

I hope you a stick around, because your pain journey is most likely going to continue for a while and you need support just like everyone else. I enjoyed meeting you over on the Addiction Board and sincerely hope you hang around here as the majority of folks will understand your actions and not have a problem with your posting. If some folks feel intimidated or scared by your posts there's a simple fix, STOP reading them.

I hope that your getting some relief these days, I know it's hard when your doc has you in trial meds phase.

Take care,

Kat

 
Old 08-19-2011, 08:02 AM   #45
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Re: Frustrated!! I need help finding a solution!

I’d like to apologize if I scared anybody about methadone. I was just writing what my personal experience with it was. It helps many people; I know. My sister would have died long before she did without it. I guess I should do some research first before I say one thing is the “cause” of another. I truly meant no harm. I just wanted Angela to be leery because I do not think it is harmless and the clinic in my area seemed to just want me “locked in for life”, regardless.

 
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