Join Date: May 2012
Methadone and Sexual dysfunction
I joined this site after identifying with so much of what I have read, and hope that people who might identify with what I am going through, can offer any insight, or relate to me and my situation in some manner, for I feel only those who walk in theses shoes can possibly really feel or get what I am going through.
My pain has been managed well by Methadone, however the side effects, have turned my life upside down. I am currently on 140 MG's per day, down from 180mg's a day, even before I reduced my medicine, I noticed that I often I fly off the handle at any given moment. I threw a tantrum at my doorman for a deserved reason, however the way in which I did it was so over the top, I fly into such a rage which I feel have no control over, and it frightens me to feel such a loss of control. I feel as if I have no control over myself when I'm in such a state, I incapable of handling myself in a proper manner, it frightens me for I have no fear of anything when I'm in such a state. I been cutting down slowly, and will continue to reduce, because I can't continue my life with these side effects.
I have lost all ability to have sexual relations, a new women whom I have been dating for a few months, only last night we entered into a sexual situation, and I was totally unable to participate due to my inability to come attain an erection, in any way or manner. The shame, embarrassment, and the future of this relationship, for all I know is up in the air? After months of getting to know each other, I seriously think, this lack of sexual ability might be a real problem and I feel helpless. Of coarse the woman spoke of working through it, and such, however, I feel so frustrated, that after being alone for so long, and dealing with pain and isolation, I finally meet someone, we get along great, and all was wonderful, until she came to the realization that i was totally unable to engage in any sort of sexual activity which involves maintaining an erection. All the beauty of the evening came to a halt, and I could not help- myself from feeling such disappointment and shame, I felt like saying goodbye to her, never seeing her again, and wanting to just forget the whole thing.
Clearly she was sympathetic, and said all the right things, however my feelings are my feelings, and I feel like pulling away now. Tis medication does wonders for pain, however, the side effects, can be so devastating, that at times I wonder if it's even worth living out of pain, and taking such medicine. I've read up on all the medicines I can take, which ,might help, yet I still feel powerless over this, and really feel like the hand I've been dealt is one cruel slap after another.
I don't know if there are any of you which have experienced such a situation, I know that the woman involved was as gentle as she could be, and acted as kind as she possibly could, but underneath it all, it's really not about her, she's not per se the love of my life, however it rubs in the fact that I'll never feel completely healthy, or be able to participate in a normal sexual relationship as long as I'm on pain medication. The times that I have come off, have been excruciatingly hard, and within a matter of weeks, I would go right back on, the pain was as close to agony as i could imagine, so, I really have not had feelings like this until I entered into this relationship, it the first since I became disabled.Any thoughts would be appreciated, for I feel as alone as anyone could possibly feel.