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Old 12-29-2012, 12:24 PM   #16
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

I agree with the others here... you deserve to have loving, understanding friends. It seems like you are wanting to get her "approval". The last sentence of your first post asked "how can I make my BFF understand?". The answer is complex. First, you cannot make her (or anyone else for that matter) understand what you are going through. Second, it's not your job to make her understand. I'm sure she is concerned about your past addiction, but it might be good to try to sit down and talk to her about how her judgement and "name calling" make you feel.

If she is not going to speak to you until and unless you stop taking your meds, that is just immature (and sad). The love from people who deserve to have you as a friend is unconditional. I don't believe she deserves to have you as a friend, you sound like a great person and you deserve people who will lift you up and not bring you down. If you were diabetic, and someone wouldn't speak to you if you were taking insulin shots, how crazy would that be? This is no different.

I'l keep you in my prayers. I know this sucks. Please keep us posted.

hugs,
Pandie

 
Old 12-29-2012, 02:09 PM   #17
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Dear loki, I understand what you mean about not wanting to feel the side effects of your medicine. Has your dr diagnosed you with chronic pain? Im not sure from reading your post if it has been long enough yet but when i was diagnosed with chronic pain that is when i was put on long acting, time-released medicine & then I only felt pain relief from the pain medicine.

Last edited by gmak; 12-29-2012 at 02:21 PM. Reason: reword

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 03:51 PM   #18
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandie View Post
I agree with the others here... you deserve to have loving, understanding friends. It seems like you are wanting to get her "approval". The last sentence of your first post asked "how can I make my BFF understand?". The answer is complex. First, you cannot make her (or anyone else for that matter) understand what you are going through. Second, it's not your job to make her understand. I'm sure she is concerned about your past addiction, but it might be good to try to sit down and talk to her about how her judgement and "name calling" make you feel.

If she is not going to speak to you until and unless you stop taking your meds, that is just immature (and sad). The love from people who deserve to have you as a friend is unconditional. I don't believe she deserves to have you as a friend, you sound like a great person and you deserve people who will lift you up and not bring you down. If you were diabetic, and someone wouldn't speak to you if you were taking insulin shots, how crazy would that be? This is no different.

I'l keep you in my prayers. I know this sucks. Please keep us posted.

hugs,
Pandie
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I've asked her if we can just talk and she said she has nothing to say to me. She was informed by a mutual friend that my grandpa might die and her response was " I hope he doesn't but I won't be there for holly if he does" at that I've realized I don't need her in my life. 7yrs of addiction I guess has finally gotten to her, sadly it's those exact meds I need for pain. I have other friends who are supportive though.
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Old 12-29-2012, 03:52 PM   #19
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by gmak View Post
Dear loki, I understand what you mean about not wanting to feel the side effects of your medicine. Has your dr diagnosed you with chronic pain? Im not sure from reading your post if it has been long enough yet but when i was diagnosed with chronic pain that is when i was put on long acting, time-released medicine & then I only felt pain relief from the pain medicine.
I haven't been diagnosed yet but my ortho dr feels certain I do have RSD. I'm waiting on approval from worker comp to see a pain dr.
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Old 12-29-2012, 09:13 PM   #20
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Worker's comp still hasnt given you approval yet? That's crazy!!!! Maybe you should contact your case worker and mention that you are considering talking to an attorney. That usually gets the ball rolling! I have been on a work comp injury for 7 month now and i just did hire an attorney. Also, it may be the doctor's office dragging their feet. Find out the phone number for the company that is handling your work comp case and who your case manager is. Explain to them what the possible diagnosis is and what do you need to do to get it approved. They should be able to tell you what they want first and if they say they are denying it, you can get a reason from them right then and there and try to plead your case with them.

 
Old 12-30-2012, 07:36 PM   #21
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Loki:

I completely understand what you are going thru. I have been thru 5 major spine surgeries PLUS the implant and then the removal of a Spinal Cord Stimulator because it didn't control pain. I am not getting ready to have the Intrathecal Pain Pump Implanted --- Morphine pump to deal with the pain. I am at the point that they are afraid to do more surgery on me. I have been in chronic pain for I cant tell you how many years at this point. I've lost count. The oral meds that I have been on Hydrocodone/ Oxycodone; Baclofen; neurontin etc doesnt do much for me anymore.

The "trial" portion of the pump worked for me, so onto the permanent implant.

As to people who don't understand you and your pain, I've been there. It gets to the point that when people ask me how I am doing I say I am fine. I am tired of explaining. Tired of people saying they understand what I am going thru when they don't. Yes some seem to have a clue but until you walk in another persons shoes then you can not truly know their pain.

as to your friend I think she is adding to your stress thus your pain level. I don't know beyond this issue how close you are with this person. So it is difficult to say that you should end the friendship over this or try to remain friends but know that this subject matter of the pain will be something of an issue between you both. I think you have to do a lot of soul searching as to whether to continue the relationship or not.

It bothers me that people don't have more compassion for one another especially those that are in chronic pain or facing some crisis in their life.

For me I find I tend to turn to those people that will really be supportive and understanding of me as to my wants and needs. The rest I tend to keep some distance. What is important is that you take care of YOU and your needs.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

 
Old 01-01-2013, 07:59 AM   #22
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Because of your addiction issues and the fact you state these meds are still making you "high", I can kinda see where your friend is coming from. However I disagree with how she is handling it, she shouldn't be walking away from you. And it's clear you DO still need some pain medication. But I really think its time for you to admit your addiction issues with your doctors. They can put you on long acting narcotics that will cut the pain, but not make you feel the high. You've been reluctant to discuss other medication, stating nothing works but what you are on, but these long acting meds would work even better. But if you are still reluctant, then I think you are giving in to your addiction to continue the high, and that is a problem.
I think a great medication for you to consider would be methadone. It's great for pain (it's what I take) but it binds to the opiate receptor and makes you not get the "high" feeling from any pills, but it also takes away the urges. For me it works great for my pain. If you are honest with your doctors about your addiction, they will still treat your pain, but come up with another plan, and may suggest methadone.
Good luck to you! I hope you can get your pain under control without getting high, (for the sake of your addiction issues), and I really hope your friend will come around!!

Last edited by Whynowthis; 01-01-2013 at 08:03 AM.

 
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Old 01-01-2013, 10:17 AM   #23
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Thanks guys. I've been on gabapentin, tramadol, OTC meds, nothing's helping the pain. We've been best friends for 7yrs so it's hard to deal with this.
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Old 01-01-2013, 10:19 AM   #24
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by jewlz67 View Post
Worker's comp still hasnt given you approval yet? That's crazy!!!! Maybe you should contact your case worker and mention that you are considering talking to an attorney. That usually gets the ball rolling! I have been on a work comp injury for 7 month now and i just did hire an attorney. Also, it may be the doctor's office dragging their feet. Find out the phone number for the company that is handling your work comp case and who your case manager is. Explain to them what the possible diagnosis is and what do you need to do to get it approved. They should be able to tell you what they want first and if they say they are denying it, you can get a reason from them right then and there and try to plead your case with them.
I hired a lawyer about 8 months ago lol. I'm gonna call the dr tomarrow and see what is taking so long.
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Right ankle lateral ankle stabilization with ankle arthroscopy and debridement, curettage and microfracture of the lateral talar dome lesion. Possible RSD of right ankle
Anxiety and depression

 
Old 01-01-2013, 09:20 PM   #25
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

Education can often be the answer when trying to create understanding.

You must consider her personal experience with addiction with others in her life, herself, you or other family members. For some of us, it is just too much to bear, to invest in someone who is in addiction. It can be terribly hurtful to those around the addict, often without the addict even realizing it.

Without knowing your history and her part in that, it is impossible to tell if there is anything you can do to help her overcome her feelings about you and the medication.

While I applaud your desire to keep your dear friend, you must respect her choice. You also owe it to yourself to choose what treatment works best for you with the least consequences to your long term health. With a history of addiction, those who love you most will be the first to try and protect you from that downward spiral.

If you and your doctor have planned around your addiction, sharing that plan with your friend might ease her mind.

Wishing you the best

 
Old 01-22-2013, 11:12 AM   #26
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Re: How to deal with non-understanding friend

There's a difference between addiction and dependence. An addict takes meds to get high, someone who's physically dependent on meds takes them for a legitimate health problem and takes them according to their doctors wishes or their pain contract. If you are taking these meds to get high like you used to, then yes, your friend should be concerned. If you now are abiding by your doctor and taking your meds for a medical reason then yes, your friend needs to be more understanding. Many previous posters gave you some great ideas in helping to enlighten your friend. Hopefully she understands by now and hopefully you guys are still close friends.

 
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